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22 June 2011

Who needs some bad advice? Who's got some bad advice to share? [More:]

We haven't done one of these in a while.
Where's Capn?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 22 June | 09:38
Unfortunately, according to his last comment, Capn was eaten by an adorable bunny.
posted by Eideteker 22 June | 09:42
Make sure to empty your computer recycle bin before checking if you put any programs in there instead of just shortcuts
posted by rmless2 22 June | 10:09
By September, I can move anywhere in the US I want. Where should I move?
posted by Ardiril 22 June | 11:07
Take your time.
posted by Ardiril 22 June | 11:07
By September, I can move anywhere in the US I want. Where should I move?

To the left about six feet. Trust me, you don't want to be sitting or standing where you are by September. It's not going to be pretty.

On the other hand, free micrometeorite!
posted by Eideteker 22 June | 11:12
Move to Hell, Michigan, just so every time someone tells you to "Go to HELL!!" between now and then you can shout back, "I AM! IN SEPTEMBER!"
posted by apoch 22 June | 11:20
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 22 June | 11:51
It's so cold in Alaska
posted by Ardiril 22 June | 12:15
Take up cigarette smoking, it calms the nerves.
posted by msali 22 June | 12:43
Get a career in IT.

Be a manager.

posted by theora55 22 June | 14:21
If you don't have a wire clipper handy, you can shorten the ends of steel guitar strings by biting them off between your front teeth.
posted by Hugh Janus 22 June | 14:35
When someone asks you to lead a project in a subject area that you don't know fuck-all about, say "sure I can handle that".
posted by octothorpe 22 June | 14:53
If you are chopping jalapenos and your eye itches, just scratch that sucker right away. Washing your hands first will take too long.
posted by monkeys with typewriters 22 June | 15:03
Going on holidays? Of course you can leave your little ones at home alone!
posted by deborah 22 June | 15:30
Drinking shots with the boss leads to honesty and good team-building.
posted by JoanArkham 22 June | 15:40
Those little white packets in vitamin bottles? They soak up all the vitamin goodness. If you break one open, cut the granules into a line and snort them, you will feel SUPERNOURISHED!
posted by danf 22 June | 15:45
Scratch it.
posted by ethylene 22 June | 16:40
Do as I do, not as I say.
posted by oneswellfoop 22 June | 17:31
Instead of donating to charity, you can just skip lunch. You'll feel hungry, like poor people do, and empathy is what it is really all about. Just remember to eat extra dinner after.
posted by rmless2 22 June | 20:01
Get a bunch of pets the same age so they'll all be seniors at the same time. Affordable and the time commitment is low.
posted by galadriel 22 June | 20:47
Save up your important communiques and type them up when you have a serious headache or are sleep-deprived. You'll be sure to be crystal clear and diplomatic.
posted by galadriel 22 June | 20:48
Make sure to share your political and religious viewpoints emphatically with your friends. If they're good friends, they will either share your viewpoint or convert to it immediately.
posted by galadriel 22 June | 20:51
Be sure to always mash the button on your email that says "Reply to All." Especially when it's your work email.
posted by Marxchivist 22 June | 21:13
Entering yet another vaccination argument on your friend's facebook page is ALWAYS a good idea.
posted by gaspode 22 June | 21:47
Always be sure to leave the list of e-mail addresses in jokes you forward so that everyone gets their fair share of spam. Sharing is always good!

Make sure you post plenty of drubk pictures on Facebook - future potential employers will appreciate that you have an active social life outside work.
posted by dg 22 June | 21:52
Yeah, it's ok to eat that. Cut off the talking part first.
posted by lysdexic 22 June | 22:16
While using electrical hardware like saws, don't bother with safety glasses; they're so ugly.
posted by deborah 23 June | 00:23
Ignore the alerts to backup your hard drive. Only back up your computer once a year at most. For bonus points, throw your portable hard drive on the floor a few times so it makes satisfying clicking noises when you try to plug it in.
posted by rmless2 23 June | 07:27
Save time in the morning by putting on your shirt while walking down the stairs. You won't be able to grab the handrail if you stumble when your shirt is halfway on, but that probably won't happen.

Courtesy of a family member: Defrost freezer coils with a screwdriver. If you puncture one, just put your finger over the hole.

Safety guards on machinery are just there to inconvenience you. You can go ahead and remove them all.

Couresty of a neighbor: When the town bylaw enforcement officer tells you to stop draining your truck radiator into the street, just tell him to fuck off. Your neighbors will find it amusing when the police, fire department, Ministry of Transport, and Ministry of the Environment all show up. The bylaw guy apparently has them on speed dial!
posted by FishBike 23 June | 08:00
The best place to put on your makeup is in the car. The lighting is prime, you'll save time, and after years of practice there's no way you'll accidentally stick your mascara in your eye.

Get your vitamins from pills, not fresh food. Those drug manufacturers make money because they know what they're doing.

Don't worry about joking about people's race, gender, creed, orientation, religion, or nationality. Screw 'em if they can't see the humor.

Flossing is overrated. If you lose some teeth later, you can get fine looking dentures!

posted by bearwife 23 June | 12:13
Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies in a freezer in the shed.
posted by Splunge 23 June | 16:38
Don't bother stopping to use the bathroom before you leave. You can always find somewhere to go on the way.
posted by tangerine 24 June | 16:36
Pick up all that broken glass with your bare hands. What's the worst that could happen?
posted by Elsa 24 June | 16:39
This is the NYT crossword puzzle || should I stay or should I go?