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22 June 2011
Who needs some bad advice? Who's got some bad advice to share? →[More:]
Those little white packets in vitamin bottles? They soak up all the vitamin goodness. If you break one open, cut the granules into a line and snort them, you will feel SUPERNOURISHED!
Instead of donating to charity, you can just skip lunch. You'll feel hungry, like poor people do, and empathy is what it is really all about. Just remember to eat extra dinner after.
Save up your important communiques and type them up when you have a serious headache or are sleep-deprived. You'll be sure to be crystal clear and diplomatic.
Make sure to share your political and religious viewpoints emphatically with your friends. If they're good friends, they will either share your viewpoint or convert to it immediately.
Ignore the alerts to backup your hard drive. Only back up your computer once a year at most. For bonus points, throw your portable hard drive on the floor a few times so it makes satisfying clicking noises when you try to plug it in.
Save time in the morning by putting on your shirt while walking down the stairs. You won't be able to grab the handrail if you stumble when your shirt is halfway on, but that probably won't happen.
Courtesy of a family member: Defrost freezer coils with a screwdriver. If you puncture one, just put your finger over the hole.
Safety guards on machinery are just there to inconvenience you. You can go ahead and remove them all.
Couresty of a neighbor: When the town bylaw enforcement officer tells you to stop draining your truck radiator into the street, just tell him to fuck off. Your neighbors will find it amusing when the police, fire department, Ministry of Transport, and Ministry of the Environment all show up. The bylaw guy apparently has them on speed dial!
The best place to put on your makeup is in the car. The lighting is prime, you'll save time, and after years of practice there's no way you'll accidentally stick your mascara in your eye.
Get your vitamins from pills, not fresh food. Those drug manufacturers make money because they know what they're doing.
Don't worry about joking about people's race, gender, creed, orientation, religion, or nationality. Screw 'em if they can't see the humor.
Flossing is overrated. If you lose some teeth later, you can get fine looking dentures!
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
