I have yet to put on trousers today. What kind should i wear?

I'm being asked to stay late for work. So is it alright for me to get drunk during lunch?

I have yet to put on trousers today. What kind should i wear?

There's nothing wrong with using your sexuality to get what you want. Tight and low.

I'm being asked to stay late for work. So is it alright for me to get drunk during lunch?

No, absolutely not. Lunch is your own personal time and it's unfair to ask you to accomplish tasks you need to do for work on that time. Get drunk at your desk.

Capn, my 2-and-a-half year old son has started acting out, screaming "Noooo!" at me and Mrs. Invisible, sometimes even hitting us. How can we teach him discipline and respect?

I have to pee, but the building super is currently in my bathroom, re-grouting the shower. What should I do?

Capn, my 2-and-a-half year old son has started acting out, screaming "Noooo!" at me and Mrs. Invisible, sometimes even hitting us. How can we teach him discipline and respect?

I don't have children of my own, so I looked in The Bible for advice. There it said "Spare The Rod, Spoil The Child" (written in pen in the margins of Leviticus).
I did some research on rods on the internet, and apparently they are these lifeforms that can only be seen in high-speed photographs. So, my advice to you is to get a digital camera and take some flash photography outdoors.

I have to pee, but the building super is currently in my bathroom, re-grouting the shower. What should I do?

Not to be crass, but it sounds like you've got something that needs plugging up, and you just said that the grout is right there, I mean, this seems to be a problem that solves itself.

Should I get this mole checked?

The phone in my new office doesn't work. Do I charge this time to overhead or do I make phone calls on my cell phone and then bill the company for those minutes?

Should I get this mole checked?

Animals should never be placed in checked baggage, contact your airline for proper live animal transport instructions.

The phone in my new office doesn't work. Do I charge this time to overhead or do I make phone calls on my cell phone and then bill the company for those minutes?

Speaking as a lawyer, I believe you should do both.

I have to go to a deposition this afternoon concerning an accident that happened over 3 years ago. I wrote a report but do not remember much about it (someone else's accident).

Should I reread my report, and scour my memory for all related facts, or should I just wing it?

I have to go to a deposition this afternoon concerning an accident that happened over 3 years ago. I wrote a report but do not remember much about it (someone else's accident).

Should I reread my report, and scour my memory for all related facts, or should I just wing it?

Well, I'm no lawyer, but from the TV shows I've seen, I believe the correct thing for you to do would be to solve the crime yourself.

Atomic-powered XXXXX submarine of project XXXX sank. There is no information whether the submarine operating instruction were destroyed after the crew left. Politbureau members XXXXXXX and XXXXXXXX report that not all the devices had been destroyed because at first there was a hope to save the submarine, and then it suddenly sank. Americans observed the rescue operation. The question arises whether they can lift our submarine up to the surface and information of what kind they will obtain in this case? Americans could be interested in the front part of the submarine, especially in the reactor construction. But they can find nothing new there: the submarine was constructed long time ago. However, its punched card can be of interest for them.

XXXXX is atomic-powered submarine of the second generation. This submarine started working for XXXXXXXXXXX in 19XX. Its punched cards could contain the program of the missile system operation or information on military communication systems.

Why haven't the punched cards been taken from the submarine? They are usually kept in a special safe. There is no information where they are now. To prevent Americans from lifting the submarine we should announce that we are elaborating a set of organizational and technical measures regarding further actions because of the event that took place.

As for detailed information on the submarine catastrophe, it could be expedient to did as last time for XXXXXXXX tragedy – to inform Americans, International Agency for Atomic Energy and TASS. In addition, the leaders of the socialist countries should be informed about the accident. It is necessary to say again in the announcement of the accident that specialists came to the conclusion: nuclear explosion cannot take place in the sunk submarine. It can be reported that specialist believe there may be radioactivity spreading from the submarine at the big depth in a course of time.

Radioactivity will not have dangerous scale. Perhaps the statement should be more general: Specialist examine the consequences of the submarine catastrophe. Also, the information about the submarine accident must be given to TASS so that the people of the country could know this.

QUESTION: Should such information should be announced on TV and radio urgently, even before the evening?

QUESTION: Should such information should be announced on TV and radio urgently, even before the evening?

First: you have got to start coming up with better names for your submarines, using different numbers of Xs is just confusing.
As to your question, I see no reason to report this to the media or anyone at all. The sub is at the bottom of the sea, near the ancient underwater indian burial ground that feeds the reservoir for the genetic testing laboratory next to the secret government base researching the artifacts from that UFO crash.

Would it be worth to get a clone of myself? Where can I get one fast and cheap?

What do we want to know about climate?

Word won't open this woman's resume because it's in a new format. It wants me to download some new thing so I can read it but I'm tired and also it says I have to use IE which I have tremendous aesthetic distaste for. I could tell her to send me another resume in another format which I've been doing with all the people who've been sending me their resumes in 1996 versions of WordPerfect except she actually is more up to date than me. What do I do now? She missed the deadline anyway.

Would it be worth to get a clone of myself? Where can I get one fast and cheap?

I can tell you this much, a clone is not something you want to skimp on. I mean, I'm 90% sure he's just a guy imitating my voice, badly.

What do we want to know about climate?

* will changes to our climate cause gas prices to rise faster than the government can institue subsidies on ensure their re-election
* will rising temps. lead to more potential vacation spots?
* wither skiing?

Word won't open this woman's resume because it's in a new format. [...] What do I do now? She missed the deadline anyway.

Just send a polite reply saying that you're sorry, but your company doesn't hire 'ethnics', which, based on her last name, you believe she is.

send the .doc to your gmail account and see if google docs can open it?

It's a beautiful day outside and I'm at work. Should I fake a headache and go home 'sick'?

As of next Thursday, I have the whole summer free. What should I do?

What should I have for lunch?

It's a .docx and gmail isn't giving me the option to open it as a google document or look at it in html or anything except download.

It's a beautiful day outside and I'm at work. Should I fake a headache and go home 'sick'?

No one will buy the 'headache' you may have to injure yourself for reals. I recommend the heavy-duty stapler, it's quick and horrifying.

As of next Thursday, I have the whole summer free. What should I do?

Laudunum.

What should I have for lunch?

To get rid of the morning blahs and really spice up the afternoon, I like to have a prune juice smoothie, a whole box of all-bran and a package of blue jello, straight from the envelope.

this maybe?

mgl: This should do it, albeit online, so you'd have to copy/paste it into a real Word document, so you might lose some formatting.

Apologies, Capn, for answering questions in your questions thread.

Should I trust the government?

I'm trying to save money but I'm also lazy and don't want to make anything for lunch. If I don't go out to buy a sandwich, I'll probably just snack on cheese all day, which would be bad because I'm also trying to lose weight. What should I do?

Capn, I'm currently staring out the window, sighing and mooning over my object of affection. How can I get myself to concentrate on work?

Should I trust the government?

Yes, they have nothing to gain from lying to you. Nothing.

Mother, should I build a wall?

I'm trying to save money but I'm also lazy and don't want to make anything for lunch. If I don't go out to buy a sandwich, I'll probably just snack on cheese all day, which would be bad because I'm also trying to lose weight. What should I do?

Make a deal with yourself. For every block of cheese you eat, you have to do 700 situps.

Capn, I'm currently staring out the window, sighing and mooning over my object of affection. How can I get myself to concentrate on work?

Just put me out of your mind for the afternoon, I'll temporarily block you from my "art nudes" flickr stream to help.

Mother, should I build a wall?

Hush now Janus, Janus don't you cry.

Dear Capn, i need more intense orgasms in less time because not everyone has five spare hours a day to spend at getting in a total hour of orgasms. How can i come as hard and often as possible so i can stop thinking about having lots and lots of sex the descriptive details of which i have deleted?

Dear Capn, i need more intense orgasms in less time because not everyone has five spare hours a day to spend at getting in a total hour of orgasms. How can i come as hard and often as possible so i can stop thinking about having lots and lots of sex the descriptive details of which i have deleted?

Dear ethylene, the female orgasm is a myth, invented in the 50's, as part of the post-war reconstruction of Europe. Frankly it's time this siboleth was lain to rest.

Does that make me a man?

Does that make me a man?

No, what makes you a man is the time you fought a bear to a standstill to save that family, then carried that injured child to the hospital on your back despite your broken back. Also, Axe Body Spray.

So how do i get a little Capn in me? And why is all that bear fighting so arousing?

Also which bra should i pick?
This one
≡ Click to see image ≡
or this one?
≡ Click to see image ≡

Faster, faster!
Meanwhile i'm leaning more toward this one and the second one above.
≡ Click to see image ≡

So how do i get a little Capn in me?

It's not the getting in, it's the getting out.

And why is all that bear fighting so arousing?

Musk

Also which bra should i pick?

I can't tell, you'll have to post more pictures.

Capn, will they try to break my balls?