Am I disabled or am I an asshole? →[More:]
Like many people, when I am stressed out or upset, this may show on my face or in my voice. The problem is I am stressed out and upset a whole lot of the time.

At the end of the work day today I got dressed down like a child by Andrew for 1) speaking slowly, loudly and clearly in simple words during a conversation on the phone with our landlord. I was doing this because there was very, very bad reception; Andrew thought I was being mean and impatient.

I explained why I'd spoken in that way and he claimed that he'd never had to do such a thing on the phone.

He also criticized me for what he considers rudeness in asking him to get the spare shop keys that he'd borrowed, from his car. Knowing that he usually runs off at the end of the day after his shift I asked him to get his keys now "so we don't forget" and I'll cover the till for a minute. He refused and then criticized me for that at the end of the day.

I'd had enough of being dressed down. I explained to him that I sound stressed out because I have a disability - that basic stuff, just being at work and around people, stresses me out, and this is what's causing me to look and sound bad.

I asked him if he had any suggestions as to how to resolve this - some expert or training I could take to standardize my face and voice while I was at work, or the like. He said that the solution lies within me, that I have to empathize with other people more, and that he thought he was providing support by pointing this stuff out.

empathise with other people more?

Fucking ridiculous. I spend my whole day worried about how other people are feeling and thinking. The issue isn't empathy. The issue is that I have a fucking disability which interferes with the proper processing of emotional input and this disability is causing me stress, which he is seeing.

To tell the truth, I am annoyed at andrew and was when I asked for the keys - his forgetfulness and lack of attention to detail was what caused the previous fuckup. So either a) I am really inappropriate or whatever, or b) I'm being discriminated against, and instead of "she must be a bit pissed at me because I accused her of some shit" he's thinking that my annoyance at him must be something I have got to be dressed down for like a child.

It's been this way in every job I've ever had, probably because of a history of childhood abuse. Part of my despair (see last post) is because someone like me, who brought herself up with the history of struggles for rights and freedom, cannot reconcile with living the rest of my life where people feel they can dress me down in this way.

Oh, and I am not a child or a research animal, don't call what I do behaviour.

It's not just this supervisor. The other one just shouts at me to relax when I'm nervous.

I am afraid to talk or look at people now. How do I get acting skills so I can talk cheery and look cheery when at work at all times?

So, am I an asshole or am I disabled? And if I am disabled, what sort of reasonable adjustments can I demand in the workplace? I've thought of a few - having regular supervision is one; responding promptly when I text or email with a question is another.

How do you get disability accomodation for mental health? Basically the only accomodation I want is a change in perspective of these two directors; for them to understand that what this is is a symptom of persistent anxiety and depression, not something that is lifelong and impairs my quality of life, something I am trying to fight on a daily basis.

And if I am an asshole, how does one stop being an asshole? I don't want to be an asshole.