Oh my God. I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you for whatever that's worth.

It's worth a lot jon. Thanks.

This is heartwrenching. Thank you for letting us know. The shock and pain must be awful.

Tender hugs to you. Sending love.

Oh this is awful, I am so sorry.

Thank you.

OMFG. Was she previously in poor health? *hugs*

Sending all my thoughts to you. Please stay strong.

Oh God, arse_hat, I am so very, very sorry. Fuck.

I’m so sorry.

I'm sorry

OMG, this is just about the most terrible thing I can imagine and my heart goes out to you. Remember there are people thinking of you and wishing they could help, so at least don't feel you're alone. You know how to get in touch if you want to rant at anyone.

I have no words, but I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

So sorry to hear such sad news-- I can't imagine-- hugs and thoughts to you and yours--

Please check in when you can, arse_hat. If there is anything I can do, please ask. Even if it's just an ear. Email in profile.

Hi all.

Melismata, I wrote a bit about it here and here.

Weekend was busy and today busier. I really got no sleep Saturday night but last night I went to bed at 11:30 and was asleep almost instantly but I woke up at 4:30.

It is rather colder than normal this week so I decided to take advantage of it and walk to the places (2 banks and the funeral place) I had to go. Just checked and I covered 17.8 KM. That helped a bit. I hope sleep will be better tonight.

Rosemary's employer has been paying her all this time and they took my banking info and will deposit her last 2 weeks pay directly to me so that isn't tied up with all the estate stuff. They have been great. Estate stuff is such a pain. It should help make the next little bit easier.

I have so much to do it is overwhelming but it keeps me from thinking too much and just collapsing. We had spent the last year planning the later stage of our lives. The roof should be good for about ten years. The heat and cooling will likely need to be done in about five. We bought a Civic in October expecting to get fifteen years from that. We gutted the second floor a few years ago and planed to get it done this summer. This house would see us out.

Now? I have no fucking idea.

I would get up and make breakfast for the feral cats and while sitting with them I would read the morning news feeds. Then I would come in and make breakfast and tell Rosemary what was important for the day and what was interesting or funny.

Today I read the news and thought why bother? When I got back home Pan and Rocky were in the back yard. Pan her angry little self and Rocky being his dopey self following her and make sad little sounds like a lost soul. I thought of telling that to my wife but that's not a thing anymore.

I'll post more this week. Thanks all.

There is a story you told once involving your wife, I've been trying to find it but can't. As I remember, it involved one of the feral/stray cats, and this cat was clearly not cut out for outdoor life because he kept getting beaten up by other cats and showing up injured. Finally Rosemary said "He's gonna get killed out there, he's coming inside!" I really admired the decisiveness of that -- I come from a family where people ignore things rather than Do Something, so I was very impressed.

I know your grief feels terrible now, and I sincerely hope that eventually you will come to a place where in spite of the loss you will be able to believe that there are still some good times to be had.

That sounds like our Nora Lou Who or Caspar. Just before Whitey Ford died Casper showed up and was beaten up and had an attitude that was going to get him more beat up. He was chipped and clipped but it was clear he was a former pet (Russian Blue) who could not live on the street. So Rosemary said lets take him in.

A week or so later when Whitey Ford died I was walking a few blocks from home and saw a small black cat covered in scabs from a flea allergy. I got home and told my wife and she said you have to go and get it. So I went back with a cage and we ended up with Nora.

This morning has been hell.

You don't deserve this, arse_hat, you are one of the good guys. I wish I could do something to help take away the pain, but all I can do is listen. You are among friends here, rant and rage, grieve and mourn, and know we are here for you. I know when George died the support I got from the online community was beyond anything I could ever have believed. I doubt I will ever be able to repay even one iota of that, but I will do my best to help and support you, and I know there are others here who will be too.

Arse_hat, I'm just seeing this. What a gut punch. I could not be more sorry to hear this. You've been through a lot and I had hoped you'd be able to enjoy that retirement time together too, assembling a little menagerie. The early days are bewildering, it's too much to take in at once. Take care of yourself as best you can.

If you would like to chat on phone/zoom please LMK. I think you have my email but happy to re-send if not.

It's not okay. It's miserable. I'm so sorry. We're here.

Up too late and about to go to bed but something just hit me. I never saw it before but of all the women I have been seriously or wanted to be seriously involved with they split into two groups. By height.

Almost exactly half are between 4 foot 10 and 5 foot 2 and the other half between 5 foot 10 and 6 foot 2. Rosemary was 169 cm. 5 foot 5 and a half.

I found the happy medium.

Just right.

Oh arse_hat, I am so very sorry. My deepest condolences.

It's not live yet but here is the text of the death announcement.

Rosemary Victoria Parker

“In the park or at school Rosemary always led and I stayed behind her. She would walk up to anyone and say ‘I’m Rosemary and this is my friend...’” - Rosemary’s BFF

Rosemary died suddenly on March 26, 2022.

Much loved and respected friend, lover and spouse to Kelly Mullen.

Beloved daughter of the late Gordon and Margaret Parker and sister to Alan (Val), Christopher (late Arlene), Randy (Nicky), and the late Ralph (late Stella).

She was aunty Posey to her many beloved nieces and nephews including the one who had the meltdown when she sliced the sandwich in the outre across fashion rather than the de rigueur diagonal way that mom did it.

Her lap and her head scratching are already missed by her feline friends Nora Lou Who, Caspar, and Possum. Caspar has lost his special treat time, Nora her special kneading place, and Possum his favourite hand for drive-by head butts. In the morning the feral cat group, funny Ginger, mopey Rocky, and angry little Pan will no longer be startled by Rosemary making her way to the garage.

After a brief foray into the advertising biz with Ogilvy & Mather Rosemary returned to school to study Food and Nutrition Management. She had a long career as a supervisor/manager/director with Sault Area Hospitals, Windsor Regional Hospital, and most recently with Lifetimes on Riverside retirement home.

She always made an effort to support her staff in the most fair possible way and to ensure they had the right tools and a safe environment. She planted kitchen gardens with tomatoes and herbs so the chefs had the freshest ingredients.

The staff was second only to the patients or residents of the facilities she worked at. At one place she brought in home grown hot peppers for a person who was craving them and at another she grew some for the same reason. In the second case that resident set off the fire alarm and almost forced a building evacuation when he microwaved some of the peppers. The gesture was good but the outcome left a bit to be desired.

At various times she worked to get people who had stopped eating to start again by getting them to eat one tiny tomato or one little medicine cup of juice or a small bit of cheese but she also enforced the rules. When there were cookies or muffins or squares for all you did not want to be caught boosting three or four (you know who you are). Many times those treats were baked by Rosemary.

She did not like to cook (when single there was not a shallot, bulb of garlic or stock of celery to be found in her home. How does one live?) She did however really enjoy baking things. She baked for family events and for work events and every Christmas for decades baked things for the folks who had to work the holidays.

Rosemary found her place when she became Director of Culinary services. Responsible for all the food the residents of the retirement home ate she ordered from the wholesalers but she also personally shopped from small independent retailers in order to get the best ingredients for the best price thus allowing for more special treats for the residents. In season she drove out to the county to buy direct from farms. The accounting department always knew her expense report before seeing her name. The receipts were all folded and creased as they had spent time in the Very Heavy Purse From Hell.

She baked special things for the homes holiday events. She tried to make every holiday special for everyone creatively decorating and finding the right dish for the occasion. The last few Halloweens she dressed as a banana, a cookie, and a hamburger.

Working in healthcare in 2020 and 2021 was a challenge for everyone. Rosemary did her best to give the residents the best experience under the circumstances.

Kelly and Rosemary had just weeks shy of 24 years together. Their meeting was driven by the stars and foretold by the ancient books. Or, just childish and silly.

He had come back to Canada as a sessional lecturer at a northern college. Rosemary had been laid off (thanks Mike Harris!) and was in a government funded adult self study computer skills upgrade program. In the final 3 weeks the course resource/trainer took ill and the school asked Kelly to take over. When the course ended the participants wanted to do the traditional beer and pizza party at a nearby bar. They invited Kelly.

At this august event someone pressed a bit of paper into his hand under the table. Later he stepped out and read it: “Rosemary thinks you’re hot and really likes you. You should ask her out” (so very grade 6!). He did and they were the centre of each others lives and each others safe harbour from the world pretty much from that day forward.

They read a lot of books and travelled a bit (often to places with great rib shacks). She would watch TV and he would hack things. They were always covered in cat hair. Every birthday and Christmas he gave her a piece of old Belleek that she so loved. The pieces for the next two Christmases and next two birthdays sit at the back of the top shelf in his closet.

“Rosemary was among the fewest who always saw a glass half-full. I can hear her voice... because she gave everyone her complete attention, almost singing when she spoke. Such a beautiful, kind soul.” - Kelly’s friend.

(The worst part about losing your friend is that the person you most want to talk to about how you are feeling is not there for you to talk to.)

Oh, that's a beautiful and touching tribute. She is irreplaceable in your soul and in the lives of so many others.

A lovely tribute. hugs.

I am so very, very sorry arse_hat. My heart absolutely goes out to you. That is an incredibly beautiful and moving tribute. You have my deepest, deepest condolences.

That is so loving and heartfelt, arse_hat.

I got a call from a senior dude at UNIFOR, a Canadian union representing about 320,000 people. He had sat across the table from my wife over the past 20 years when union grievances got pushed to the top. He told me it was the first time he had ever called the family of a management team member. He said she was always fair to the employees and she never lost.

The people at the home have invited me to a luncheon next week.

happy/sad/proud/lost

Rosemary sounds like she was a remarkable woman. You should be proud.

Amen. And You've never been anything other than a great guy as far I've seen, FWIW.

Thank you all. This has been a very busy week. That's been good because I don't know what comes next when I have time to think.

oh and the link to the announcement.

Ah arse_hat, I'm so sorry to see this sad news. I don't come by too often anymore but I'm glad I stopped by today so I could tell you that I'll be thinking of you, and I'm so very sorry for your loss. That was a poignant bit of writing (the announcement you've linked, I mean).

arse_hat, that's devastating; I'm so, so sorry. The obituary is brilliant.

How are you doing, arse_hat?

Just heading out the door to a gathering with the people from the home. Will let you know later.

The thing at the nursing home was great and it was nice to put faces to the names I had heard about over the years. The sent me home with much food.

When my wife was out doing things and lunch time came round she would get a McDonalds cheese burger Happy meal. She found most lunch stuff too big and the Happy meal burger was the right size. Our car trunk was always full of happy meal toys. The folks at the home are doing a fund raiser and are working with a soup kitchen drop in place and will provide Happy meals to everyone on a day in August.

The evening get together was great too. People who worked with and for my wife 20 years ago came out. When I got home tonight I was glad to have the food from earlier in the day.

I feel like I have just stepped out of the boxing ring. I am exhausted both mentally and physically. I am off to bed.

Thanks for checking in. Glad you got to meet with other people who cared so much for her. I am sure they appreciated being able to see you.

Ah, the Happy Meal fundraiser sounds great. In one way it's great to know Rosemary touched so many people's lives and meant such a lot to her co-workers. On the other hand, it reinforces how much she'll be missed.

Please remember to take good care of yourself, arse_hat. And always know you can reach out to us here rather than yell into the void.

Oh hell, I'm so sorry. What a blow.

Sorry too that it's been so long since I checked in here that I hadn't even read the February thread and had no idea she wasn't well. Seconding everything everyone else says about taking care of yourself.

You're a good egg, arse_hat. So much love to you.

Yes. Do let us be here for you. We care. I know some of us have lost a significant other, and some have been in similar bombshell circumstances.

You know that this is a caring place and all of us will be available to listen with understanding hearts.

May you find peace.

That was a
Beautiful tribute and
Testimony to a life well lived.

So sorry for your loss.

Thanks for sharing your lovely tribute. Please take care of yourself.

So today, the 14th, was my wife's birthday. Her employees made a birthday cake and some frozen meals and brought them by. It was a great thing to do.

Thank you all for the kind words here and via email and cards.

I am so busy with the practicalities of death and estates that I really haven't had much time to feel much more than bewildered at my new world. Things are going OK. Most things are done or in process so that's good but because of a bank screw-up I am looking at probate on the house and a retirement account and depending on how the valuations are done that may cost me anywhere from $5,000 to $20,000. I was supposed to see a lawyer this Tuesday but he got COVID. Hopefully we can talk next week.

I alternate between wanting to crawl into a closet and do nothing and wanting to just walk off somewhere and never talk to anyone I know again.

Thanks for the update. Stay strong. Hugs

More hugs if you want them in that quiet closet. Keep taking good care of yourself.

Be kind to yourself because this is fucking hard times.

Some people may push you to get it all resolved and put behind you in a hurry. It doesn't have to happen immediately even if it seems like it. Your feelings and needs are valid and important. It can take time to adjust to it all.

It's not easy or simple, and I continue to wish you peace.