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11 September 2011

I think I'd be a good... [More:]Drill Sargent. I think I'd be good at screaming and yelling at youngsters to make them into soldiers. There seems to be an element of comedy to it. For example, this story from my cousin who just graduated from Marine Corp boot camp:

andrew said earlier that day he was getting his "chow" and a new recruit was getting food near him. a drill sergeant came up and yelled at the new recruit: "GET AWAY FROM HIM!! CAN'T YOU SEE HE IS A MARINE??? HE IS A STONE COLD KILLER, YOU WILL NEVER BE LIKE HIM!!!!!!!"

Who can deny that is a hysterically funny thing to say? I'd be a far better drill Sargent than soldier; if someone yelled that AT me, I'd probably just start laughing. And then I'd probably have to do pushups until I died.
I think I'd be a good time-traveler. At the renaissance faire yesterday, I was remarking on how many of the old skills I've cultivated, like glassblowing, working a loom, swordfighting and archery.

I like to think I'd do ok.
posted by Eideteker 11 September | 18:26
I'd be a good beach-lying picnicker. oh I could do this all day. Just feet up, sleep. Damn. I'd be good.
posted by Firas 11 September | 18:31
I think I'd make a good recruit in ThePinkSuperhero's army, mostly because I'd be ultra-strong from all the pushups she'd make me do for laughing when she shouted crazy drill sergeant stuff.
posted by Hugh Janus 11 September | 18:40
Hurray!!! Anyone else??
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 11 September | 18:50
Magician - any type you can imagine, from performing illusionist to fantasy lich. I had the chance in Las Vegas in 1983 to break into the field as an offstage assistant, but the guy I knew didn't quite see the big picture in that town and he ended up behind a sales counter in New York New York. Similarly, I lacked the foresight to prod him into taking greater risks with his performance and cold calling potential venues. The idea to try and manage him never occurred to me.

if someone yelled that AT me, I'd probably just start laughing. - That's what they want so that they can knock it out of someone in front of everyone else and then drag everyone else into the big sandbox too and thrash them. The idea being that a subordinate does not question anything as sounding dumb, but acts to achieve the stated goal expeditiously. Also, Marines have to learn to yell and understand what was yelled to survive an actual engagement. That is why recruits respond right back to the DIs just as loud, if not louder.

Nothing I loved more than coming out of the head to discover a DI standing with his back to me and yelling at the top of my voice to the point of cracking, "SIR, by your leave, SIR." My favorite to get was this 5' 2" brick shithouse gorilla. I'd catch that little fucker every time. I let up on the Senior DI after he jumped off the rope tower and broke his ankle. He missed a day and a half, and we never saw him with a cane or crutches. I reasoned that a Marine gunnery sergeant with a ten-pound rock on his foot that he is more than capable of planting firmly in my ass was not someone for trifles.
posted by Ardiril 11 September | 19:05
What was really exasperating was his onstage assistant would have been the perfect lead for a small improv group, but the idea was so novel at the time that neither she nor I could convince him that such an act could even work in theory, let alone by us. The two of us may have been able to do something but I was never able to get even a half-baked idea.
posted by Ardiril 11 September | 19:18
I'd be a good doctor. I've always been somewhat sorry I didn't go in that direction. The combination of hard science and human compassion appeals to me.

My father tells funny stories about his drill sergeant, who used to yell at them, "Get out and clean up this debris, NOW!" only he pronounced it: DEB-riss. Yeah, my dad and his buddies did a lot of pushups.

posted by Kangaroo 11 September | 19:18
I think I'd be a good historical reenactor. I absolutely love all things historic, and I try to instill excitement in history in my kids. I think I'd be good at bringing a sense of realism to visitors.
posted by redvixen 11 September | 20:14
I think I'd be a good public servant. I'd get to come to work and spend lots of time browsing MeFi/MeCha et al and nobody would care or even notice.

Oh, wait ...
posted by dg 11 September | 20:33
I've always said that if I could do my life over again, I think I would make an excellent Smithsonian curator. I have always had a natural fascination with separating the wheat from the chaff in terms of what is/can and should be considered culturally and historically relevant, and would love to get paid to do that.
posted by msali 11 September | 20:42
I have always loved and studied American Football, and would like to think that if I had the chance, I would have made a good coach, maybe not head coach, but pro level coach. Special teams. O Line. Funny that my fantasy career is also a gender thing, although I know there must be female drill sargents.

I would also be a good librarian, but I essentially am a librarian, but in a corporate environment, so the experience isn't as pure, but possibly more lucrative.

I would have made a decent small market local news anchor, but I think I probably would have grown to hate myself.
posted by rainbaby 11 September | 21:21
I'd be a good sniper. First: I have great aim. Pistols or rifles, I'm just good at it. Second: I can handle staying in one position for a long time. When I put my mind to it, I just don't move. Third: I like looking at people through binoculars and pretending that I'm shooting them in the...

Wait. This is a kinda joke thread right?


I'd be a great puppy. All fuzzy and floppy. Yeah, that's it. A puppy.
posted by Splunge 11 September | 22:09
I'd make a good cat, really. I like eating and sleeping, and am quite good at both. See also: purring and meowing in exact mimicry of my eleven-year-old Maine Coon.

If I couldn't be a cat, though, I'd be a baker.
posted by cp311 11 September | 22:58
I'd be good at replacing light bulbs on the 8' 3'' ceiling without a ladder.
That's apparently a standard ceiling height in the NL.
posted by jouke 12 September | 01:28
I'd be a good massage therapist; lots of people have told me that I give great massages and should go to school. Only trouble is I'm not a perky bubbly person, which seems to be necessary when interacting with the public.
posted by Melismata 12 September | 10:28
Although the morose masseuse has a certain ring to it.
posted by jouke 12 September | 10:38
...melissa the morose masseuse that is.
posted by jouke 12 September | 11:08
I think I'd be a good librarian, costume designer, or professional organizer.
posted by Orange Swan 12 September | 11:13
Nobody wants a perky bubbly massage therapist. Trust me on that one.
posted by serena 12 September | 12:13
Vet assistant, librarian, archaeologist, animal hoarder.
posted by deborah 12 September | 12:40
LOL jouke!!! :)
posted by Melismata 12 September | 14:29
I think I'd be a good psychiatrist or veterinarian. (Both careers I seriously considered before heading to law school.) I still think now and then about whether it might be realistic to head to med school or vet school despite my advanced age and actually pursue this.

Also, have always thought I'd be a good dog breeder and trainer.

Wish life were a little longer to pull all this off -- don't you?
posted by bearwife 12 September | 17:03
Bearwife, I don't think I could get through the science part necessary for a vet. That's why I say vet assistant.
posted by deborah 12 September | 18:57
Foley person. Those are the folks who make sound effects, all kinds of sound effects, for movies.
posted by flapjax at midnite 13 September | 07:26
(Phew... I thought you meant catheters, flap. Not that that isn't an important skill, trust me.)

When I was young, I think I would have made a good astronaut. I could flip half a dozen times underwater in the pool and ride a seven loop coaster like nothing. Plus, I have great space hair.
posted by Pips 13 September | 20:03
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