MetaChat - An update - me and my girls

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23 June 2009

An update - me and my girls Some of you may remember my cross-post of a while ago. It took longer than I hoped, but the soon-to-be ex and I finally spoke to our girls last night.→[More:]It went SO well.

Sophie had a moment at first where she looked a little shaky, then almost immediately began to look at the positive side. She is excited by the idea of two homes, etc etc. Evelyn, I think, looked to Sophie, so...for Sophie to handle it so well was double the blessing.

At one point, I asked Evie specifically, how she was, and what she thought. She said that she thought she was "a little bit sad, and a little bit excited" which was pretty amazing in its own way, because that's pretty astute for a 5 year old, I think.

So, anyway, I feel like I've had a thousand pounds removed from my shoulders, and I'm once again amazed at how amazing my girls are.

post by: richat at: 10:03 | 21 comments

That is absolutely wonderful to hear.

posted by Specklet 23 June | 10:12

I'm glad it went so well, richat.

posted by box 23 June | 10:33

Oh GOOD. Feel very good richat.

posted by rainbaby 23 June | 10:37

*hugs*

posted by TrishaLynn 23 June | 10:43

Sounds like a good start, richat. Be watchful over the coming months of any changes in behaviour or school performance (after summer, of course) and keep talking (and listening) to them.
Kids today probably have more friends/classmates whose parents are separated or divorced than otherwise. It's becoming more "normal", which is a big plus in getting kids to accept the situation. That was key with my own two.

posted by rocket88 23 June | 10:47

"a little bit sad, and a little bit excited"

Your daughter is wise indeed. I'll hear this phrase resonating for a long time, I can tell.

I'm glad to hear you're doing well, richat.

posted by Elsa 23 June | 10:51

Of course they're great kids. They've got a great, attentive, caring dad.

I'm glad it went so well, richat, and I'm glad that part is behind you.

posted by mudpuppie 23 June | 11:00

Aw. I'm glad you got over the first hump OK.

posted by gaspode 23 June | 11:07

That's so great. Your girls sound like real champs. I'm really happy for all of y'all.

posted by BoringPostcards 23 June | 11:49

Look, spare a thought, won't you, for the poor, starving divorce lawyers of the world. When I was in practice, I didn't need clients like you, all amicable and touchy-feely, resolving things between yourselves. Pah! I needed the ones who gave their kids voodoo dolls of the ex, embroidered with 'Bastard' and complete with pins. Or the ones who'd have the guinea pigs bought by the ex as gifts for the kids put to sleep when the kids were away on an access visit. I didn't need the ones who weren't going to make me any money. Won't somebody please, please think of the lawyers??

YOU SELFISH BASTARD!!!

posted by essexjan 23 June | 12:25

Seriously, I'm really glad you're handling this so well.

posted by essexjan 23 June | 12:26

Whattaya mean "first hump" gaspode? It's clear sailing from here isn't it?

Heh. Yeah, giant relief all around for me today. Just giant. And how about if I go start up a nuisance lawsuit Jan? Would that help?

posted by richat 23 June | 12:35

So good to hear that your family is handling this with so much grace.

Hugs.

posted by mightshould 23 June | 12:40

Sophie and Evie are two lucky girls for having such an awesome dad.

posted by special-k 23 June | 13:03

Nthing that....*big hugs to all of you*

posted by brujita 23 June | 14:14

Whattaya mean "first hump" gaspode? It's clear sailing from here isn't it?

Ergh. I realised after I wrote it that I sounded pretty negative. I didn't mean it like that!!

posted by gaspode 23 June | 14:18

I know you didn't, honest. Still and all, I do suspect a couple of bumps in the road ahead. As rocket88 pointed out as well...it's wise to remain vigilant!

One of the bummers here is that my girls seem to ONLY have friends who parents are still married. They know some kids of divorce, but their tightest friends? ALL MARRIED PARENTS STILL.

posted by richat 23 June | 14:23

richat, my son grew up in two homes from the age of six to adulthood and he turned out fine. He lived with me on Monday and Tuesday Nights, his mom on Wednesday and Thursday nights and then every other weekend. That way he got 7 days out of every two weeks at each house and there wasn't too much disruption to his routine. We lived in the same school district so on transition days he would just get on the bus at one house and then take a different bus home to the other house. It's much easier if both parents act like grown-ups though and don't get into any passive-aggressive garbage. Weirdly, since we argued constantly when married, I haven't had an argument with my ex- once in the thirteen years of divorce.

posted by octothorpe 23 June | 14:40

Not to cast a shadow, but from here on, two questions that could be the hardest for your girls to answer will be "What do you need?" and "What do you want?"

posted by Ardiril 23 June | 17:42

Sorry...I didn't mean to inject any negativity to the situation...especially with the 'friends' angle. You guys are all handling it well and this is a great start.

posted by rocket88 24 June | 09:22

Oh for sure, I didn't mean to sound all negative. Seriously, I know this is just the first GIANT step. We've got a road to travel down now...and likely for the rest of our lives. The situation has changed...and I'll need to look at it differently from now on.

Still and all, I am VERY glad it went as well as it has thus far. This bodes well, I think, for the future.

posted by richat 24 June | 09:27

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