MetaChat - Google Stereotypes (tm)? Google Oracle (tm)?

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17 June 2009

Google Stereotypes (tm)? Google Oracle (tm)? →[More:] So I'm doing some research tonight online, and one of the things I sometimes do is just type in a full question, knowing that someone somewhere may have used my question as a text string.

And I noticed that Google was giving me some autofill responses to my question, no doubt based on common searches. To wit:

I typed

Why are a-

and Google offered

Why are Asians so short
Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria
Why are apples good for you
Why are almonds good for you
Why are Asians so smart
Why are Americans so fat
Why are Asians so skinny...

Intrigued, I tried typing "Why are Asians" and got this:

Why are Asians so short
...so smart
...bad drivers
...good at math
...women so hot
...elephants endangered

Hm. More questions. Google is a fount of information about the most popular stereotypes. It's not too hard to pick your favorite group and learn what people want to know about them (Why are the Irish so thick, drunks, Catholic, lucky impervious to psychoanalysis? Why are whites superior, so racist, called crackers, so afraid of black people, so stupid, so evil?) People apparently wonder why:

Americans are fat, stupid, obese, afraid of socialism, dumb, ignorant, called Yanks.

People wonder why New Yorkers are rude, so rude, and so damn competitive; why men are attracted to breasts, so stupid, jerks, attracted to women, afraid of committment, and players. They wonder why girls are mean, confusing, complicated, emotional, always cold, and stupid. Some wonder why parents are mean, annoying, strict, overprotective, unfair, and against tattoos.

Perhaps it's not so much Google Stereotypes^TM as Google Oracle^TM, because if you keep starting questions, you reach some deep ones. People ponder why love is so confusing, so painful, difficult, hard? And they wonder why is marriage so important, so important to women, a sacrament, so hard, so boring?

They wonder why do men have nipples, why do cats purr, why do dogs eat poop, why do we dream, why do men cheat, why does my eye twitch, why do we yawn, why do we celebrate St. Patrick's Day?

They wonder: should I refninance my mortgage, should I call him, should I shave my pubic hair, should I declare bankruptcy?

They muse: What if we didn't go green? What if we didn't have a moon? What if we didn't have plate tectonics? What if we didn't bail out the banks? What if we did nothing? What if we didn't drop the atomic bomb?

They plead: Why can't I be happy? Why can't I be happy in a relationship? Why can't I be happy for other people? Why can't I be happy with what I have?

They sit awake at their terminals earnestly and privately querying: Why do I fart so much? Why do I owe taxes? Why do I have green poop? Why do I love you? Why do I sweat so much? Why do I have no friends? Why do I sleep so much? Why do I bruise easily? What do I do with my life? What do I do if my iPod freezes? What do I do if my dog eats chocolate? What do I do with my life? What do I do with my hair? What do I do if I'm pregnant? Does he ever think about me, does he even love me, does he even miss me? Does Shamwow work? Does hydroxycut work?

I feel like Google let me accidentally lift a lid and look at all the squirming humanity under there, full of secret questions and strange fears. Poor humans, with all their crazy problems, confused and alone. I want to tell everyone not to worry and to try to understand one another. It's all going to be all right.

Whew.

try it, you'll see

post by: Miko at: 22:58 | 19 comments

As I said earlier today on Twitter, Google can read my mind.

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 17 June | 23:06

I got a good laugh out of this (large) image that showed up on Digg a few days ago. I'm fairly sure the more erudite questions are exam questions and essay prompts and the like, but the disparity is still pretty damn funny.

posted by Rhaomi 17 June | 23:17

That's cool. I have a new way to pretend to be working until my 3:30 meeting...

(I'll just note that you can check out regional variations by adding a country code to the google page you're using - though I can't seem to stop the bastard from auto-re-directing me to .com.au)

posted by pompomtom 17 June | 23:21

There was also Why are men/women... thing going around a little while ago.

posted by TheophileEscargot 18 June | 00:52

Aha, Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? is a book title.

posted by TheophileEscargot 18 June | 00:54

That's really awesome Miko. Of course - it matters how one asks the questions. .
Posted previously to metachat by me. Wheeee self promotion.

posted by seanyboy 18 June | 01:39

British people are ugly, arrogant, cold, rude.

Also compare and contrast:

≡ Click to see image ≡ ≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by seanyboy 18 June | 01:52

This needs to be an application. Or there needs to be a website that allows people to test specific stereotypes.

It really is like we're peeking at the dark heart of the semantic web.

posted by seanyboy 18 June | 02:14

And I'd call it "Google Id"

posted by seanyboy 18 June | 02:14

That is an essay that should be published somewhere so lots of people could read it. Is it really all going to be all right? I hope so.

posted by Kangaroo 18 June | 06:58

Do Belgians eat Jewish children? (selbstlink)

posted by Meatbomb 18 June | 09:01

Seanyboy, both fantastic ideas - Google Id, exactly. And I like "the dark heart of the semantic web."

posted by Miko 18 June | 09:01

It's sort of interesting thinking about some of these questions and how people really are approaching the internet as an oracle, through Google as a medium. It's oddly similar to prayer or occult practices: a supplicant articulates a question and humbly approaches the medium that is presumed to connect one to a world of knowledge and insight that will bring you peace. The personal/love questions, especially, are touching, because you know the asker isn't really expecting a response - they're just wailing out. Some of the questions are even directed at another person.

posted by Miko 18 June | 09:05

They wonder: should I refninance my mortgage, should I call him, should I shave my public hair, should I declare bankruptcy?

Intentionally or otherwise, you've really captured the spirit of many search strings.

posted by Elsa 18 June | 09:39

Where are the offerings? Surely people should click through on a few ads if they really want the answers to be any good.

I also love that "do belgian..." gives me "do belgian sheepdogs shed" but once I add the "s" I get nada. Zip. Nix. Try it. Do Belgians? No. No they don't.

posted by GeckoDundee 18 June | 09:45

Er. Sadly, "pubic/public" is a very common type for me.

...which can be awkward, seeing as I work with the public in public history. I suppose erring on the side of typing "public" rather than "pubic" is the default, and a career survival strategy.

posted by Miko 18 June | 10:36

Now, see, at the end of this thread, I'd like to see:

"yep, there's an app for that"

posted by lysdexic 18 June | 10:38

It's a very common and easy typo, and it makes perfect sense that your hands have learned to prefer the safer option.

Some time ago, an instructor of mine, with a newly conferred Ph.D., offered me the chance to read his thesis. "Wait until it's bound," he said, "it'll be easier to handle."

It was an examination of the perception of public safety in [particular field]. On the bottom of the very first page, he had typed the phrase "pubic safety." Another typo I found in the first couple of pages: "pubic perception of risk."

These typos appeared sporadically through the entire text. Evidently, he never thought to do a search-and-replace substituting "public" for any stray occurences of "pubic." (I did this once when writing a paper on Hieronymus Bosch, which my hands insisted upon rendering as "Heironymus Bisch.")

Um. Yup. Freshly bound thesis, hot from the presses.

I decided that a student should not be the first person to point this out to him.

posted by Elsa 18 June | 12:33

he never thought to do a search-and-replace s

Goooooood tip. Point noted.

posted by Miko 18 June | 21:25

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