sometimes I dream....

...of bears. Big black bears. That my family raises as pets. Everyone is fine with the bears, except for me.

I am wary of them. The bears. The ones my family raises.

I am not either a crank either, also!

Do they give you fear? the bears? Why do they scare you so? Have you thought about your mother?

I am afraid of bears in real life. And horses. And snakes. They scare me because they are enormous, stupid creatures with six-inch long claws that can run you down. The bears, that is.

I don't think my mother would be adversely affected by my fear of bears.

"LT! Enough with the bears! Think of your mother! I raised you, LT, you were a such a good boy...."

"MA! Jeez!"

"No, really, I don't understand where he gets all this with the bears, Maureen. You see him now? He's a nice boy, clean, and such a smile!"

"Okay, ma, we're going now. Don't wait up like last time!"

"Have a good time, you two. Don't worry about me!"

Embrace the bear. It is terrible and horrible. It loves you. It has six-inch long claws. Let them touch you. So cold and so deadly. Only then will you understand.

Embrace the bear.

Get a Gloomy Bear. Complete with bloody claws.

Gloomy loves you! Until!

Oh, this is fine talk, coming from YOU, Mr. Crapped His Pants in the Camper Last Time!

THE WHELK: "I thought I heard something."
LT: "No, no you didn't."
TW: "No, really. There's definitely something out there. Go check."
LT: "No, I'm not going to do that."
TW: "Why not? I ask you to do one simple thing...."

LT: (after a pause) "It's 2:30 in the goddamn afternoon! That's why! Now finish your PB & J and not another goddamn word!"

TW: "It really could've have been a bear..."

There was this band called "The Bears" and they had a song called "Fear is Never Boring". (Sorry, really bad quality, but you get the idea)

I AM TELLING YOU MY DREAMS MEAN SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN ALSO I NEVER CRAPPED MY PANTS EXCEPT THAT ONE TIME IN SAN DIEGO AND I WAS DRUNK.

Embrace the bear.

I endorse this advice.

There, there. Such language...

No one's saying you did. No one's saying anythingatall about the crapping. Now, just calm down, de-eep breaths, that's it, now then....

Fear Is never Boring Fear is Never Boring

.....heee (breathes) Yes..I..I killed Yvette. I (breathe!) I ..hated her..so much! Flames! Flames on the side of my face! breating burning heaving (breathes) breaths!

Embrace the bear

This strikes me as very, very good advice.

Of course, I tried my own dream analysis on this bear business early this morning. I said "What does the bear represent?"

And LT said "It represents bears!"

Yvette, of course. 20 years on the force and I didn't see that coming.

And now they bring you in here to me, with your pissing and moaning about bad dreams.

You know something, Whelk, I coulda retired last year. Coulda walked away from all of this, hands clean, bright blue sky overhead, but something always pulls me back in!

You killed Yvette. Whelk, you were in here just last week saying you killed Santa Claus! Because Sgt. Bikalski had bought in donuts!

I don't got time for this now, next!

You don't understand! The Sky! the Signs! I am a narratively important character! you must believe me!!

I had a dream last night that we'd been camping. Left the campsite for the day. I was responsible for going back to the campsite and collecting the car and all the gear. On the way back, I remembered that I'd left Zuzu (the kitten from hell) in the car. Oh no! Zuzu's baking! So I rushed back to the car, which I'd parked next to a river, and found that Zuzu was fine, if agitated. (Jumping and waving at me from inside the car.) But the car had been broken into (they took everything but Zuzu; they were smart), and it was a mess. And the river had risen all the way up to the back wheels. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to drive out. But I could. Get out, that is. I was stressed, though.

And in that state, for whatever reason -- what was I thinking??? -- I let Zuzu drive home.

It was a really frustrating drive, because I kept telling her where to turn, and she wouldn't. I was like, "Zuzu, you were supposed to TURN there." And she just kept driving. Driving me, I'm certain, to a grim and ironic death.

But then I woke up, so I'll never know how she intended to kill me.

If you want vivid dreams, start taking Toprol for high blood pressure. It's only when you first start taking it, but..... WOW!

The first night I took the stuff I had a dream about being in a haunted house with an evil spirit. I was trying to find it. (Why? Who knows? It was a dream!) I found the room where it was. It was dark so I couldn't see it, but I could feel it. My skin began to crawl like it would crawl right off my body and then.... I woke up. Every time I started to fall back asleep, my skin started crawling again. That night was hell.

I later had my dose increased, then got off it, then had to start it again. Each time the dose was increased/resumed, I had vivid dreams, but never as intense as the "evil" dream.

mudpup.... that was an awesome dream.

Hmm. I take Toprol (aka Atenolol). Never associated it with weird dreams. Now I have a convenient thing to blame!

I ALSO HAD A DREAM ABOUT A HAUNTED HOUSE LAST NIGHT I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. THIS IS A SIGN.

Seriously. No really. Fuckin' really!

He's right, boss. The Whelk is narratively important, no joke. See here, where it says that later on in the thread it's revealed that The Whelk is really the heir to the Tarkesian Diamond fortune, and if we keep him here, the orphanage goes belly up?

That's a real PR nightmare, Sarge. We have to believe him.

I am starting to have Terrible Wedding Nightmares, every night without fail, always about some trivial issue and always devastatingly nightmarish while I'm dreaming them.

Most recently in nightmare world, I stocked the reception bar only with off-brand or no-longer-extant diet sodas. OMG DISASTER! I woke up moaning, in a cold sweat. I am not kidding.

I take this to mean that I am a leeeetle bit stressed about the logistical/planning/self-catering aspect of the wedding, but not over the lifelong-commitment stuff of the marriage. This Is Good.

I might be a crank, either also.

Okay, for reals now, no more "LT hijacks another thread" stuff.

Whelk - what kind of dreams are you having? I was straight up before about the bears - I really do fear them, and lately I've been experiencing a new dream meme where my family keeps them as pets.

I was straight up before about the bears - I really do fear them

C'mere, little boy...

lately I've been experiencing a new dream meme where my family keeps them as pets.

Proof that you also have ambitions of hijacking a John Updike novel.

My latest dream was about a house that was smaller on the inside than the outside and full of workers trying to make it better but seemingly just kept making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and remarking on how gloomy the house was. Before that, it was the hotel made of glass where someone keeps asking for me but never appears until I open the hotel room door and get shot in the chest even though I know I can see the man and the gun before I open the door cause, duh, GLASS.

Also, one where an ex-boyfriend shoves magic mushrooms in my mouth and I have to navigate a futuristic Las Vega, while tripping and explaining to my husband why I'm late coming home.

IRVING. JOHN IRVING.

And speaking of John Irving, I do believe it's time we revisit the origin of Penis.

even though I know I can see the man and the gun before I open the door cause, duh, GLASS.

Oh, oh, oh, I hate this kind of dream, where you can see every threat ahead of time, but for whatever reason don't take precautions against it.

Not too long ago, in the midst of a nightmare chase from which I foresaw no escape, dream me, running as fast as possible, thought "Wait, what? [Family member] wouldn't be chasing me. This is stupid. Oh! I'm dreaming!" Then dream me stopped running and hurled herself full-length at the floor.

I woke immediately. I haven't had a lucid dream in years, and it felt amazingly powerful.

That's the worst part, the semi-lucid dreams. My usually kick in when something HORRIBLE happens. To take an example, I'm shot in the chest by his Strange Being in the Glass Hotel. I feel the horrible pain and go, wait Why am I here? I wasn't supposed to be on a trip! how did I pay for this? Why-

And then there is this SURGE, a SHIFT, my Brain goes into overdrive and for a half-second I am in sheer terror cause reality itself makes no sense.

Then, Blip! I'm someplace else. And I forget that I was just shot or I was wondering WHY I was just shot. I go make the friendship and possible dreamy sex scene with the drunken half-elf up the road and then maybe everyone is colors and we're on a cruise! Of course my dreaming mind shifts me from a bad dream to a good once if the SHEER FEAR is enough to wake me up, but that sudden feeling of "Wait..", that lucidity right before the shift. Man That's fucking terrifying.

Oh, man, that John Irving review is high-larious and right on. It amazes me how many times that guy writes the same book. Glad you mentioned, pup, 'cause I never saw it - that was before my MeCha time. I thought people just said 'penis' a lot for their own amusement.

Can you ever take control inside the dream, or wake yourself up from inside the dream? I taught myself to do that when I was little, but I hadn't had that experience for a long time. I was thrilled (in the aftermath of the chase nightmare) to discover I can still do it.

That's what I meant when I said it felt "powerful" --- to realize that I could hurl myself out of the dream when it became too intense made me feel in control.

A month ago I dreamed that I was actually the most hideous person in the world and had been going around not knowing this because everyone else is too horrifiedly polite to say anything. Not horribly deformed or anything, just born with the exact combination of facial features and skin texture to be an absolute zero on anyone's scale.

I've had severe and persistent acne since mid-to-late 2008 (it was just persistent before) and this really did not help.

(I saw a dermatologist today and she gave me three prescriptions and I looked them up when I got home and now I'm terrified of the side effects)

The Whelk, neither of those are of the actual Bears, which was kind of the tenuous thread that tied the fear thing to the errr thread. Yanno?

No, I think the bears were my bears, Eekabear, I mean, cat. Unless you meant the music links, in which case, yes to no bears. Still.

Um. Okay bedtimesorry.

I very much enjoyed seeing The Whelk on Metachat this evening.

to casarkos: IANAD, but first try megadoses of zinc (up to 300 mg), vitamin e (abt. 1200 mg), and a (30,000 iu) or I think beta carotene might work the same as the a. If it helps, you are probably deficient in/not absorbing those vitamins properly and therefore it's safe to continue. Only noticeable side effect is zinc can cause an acidy stomach right after you eat it, so it's better to take it with a little food.

I always dream that my alarm clock buzzer is something else entirely. Like a saw or a school bell. I'll ask my husband to turn the saw off, and he does.

casarkos, when you read the side effects of Acuatane and similar drugs it is frightening, but definitely give those babies a try. These drugs have been miracle workers for a ton of people. Some people never see how good their skin can be until they take oral meds.

I can relate to your anxiety about your skin. I now have recurring folliculitis and it is so stressful sometimes. I'm 36. I've had acne since puberty and just when my skin is starting to show some signs of normalcy this damn folliculitis shows up. It's maddening and I get so depressed about it. Picture small whiteheads covering every inch of your face, followed by weeks of red papules, fading to brown. It's a fright. Especially when I have an outbreak and I have to work. I find that a super thick coating of Clearasil heals it faster. (Super thick because my skin is so oily and a thin or moderate layer wears off quickly). I also use topical Clindamycin and oral Clindamycin and a Clinda/Retin-A combo. Holy moly.

You know what works like a charm but is super pricey? Neo-Benz Micro lotion. I don't know what kind of acne you have, but it works for me. I need to bite the bullet and shell out the cash for more.

Apologies for the derail.

That should be, Accutane.

I once dreamt I woke up, showered, got ready and had the worst day imaginable with every possible thing going wrong and it was ALL MY FAULT and I had to go to bed. Then I woke up for reals and tried to figure out how I would fix all the horrible fuckups I'd made yesterday until it slowly dawned on me that none of that actually happened.

I can only assume my subconscious is a fucking asshole.

Y'all are hijacking my dreams. I've had recurring dreams about bears for years and years now. They're always walking around outside the house and I'm always afraid they're going to eat my children in some inventive way or another. They used to bug me so much that I even shelled out $10 to an internet dream interpreter. She said I was an overprotective mother who needed to let her children face the bears on their own. This did not, somehow, help at all. I still have bear dreams even though my kids are, now, basically out on their own, facing down bears I never hear about every single damn day. And I used to have Casarkos' dream when I was little, all the time. Except that in my dream my father was paying people to pretend I was pretty and everything was fine until I left the area where he was completely in control and then suddenly along would come the shrieking and the pointing and the hurling of stones. Fortunately, I have not had - or missed - that dream in the last 30 years or so.

You want to hear bad dream? I had a dream the other night that I was having an affair with a midget Catholic priest. The first half of the dream was a whole lot of Thornbirds style drama and running around and saying things like "Our love must never be!" (sometimes the good dream scriptwriters take a vacation and their replacements can get a bit over the top) and then by the second half we had decided that no, our love MUST be, and I lifted him up onto a box so he would be tall enough to actually kiss me. Then I woke up, thank all the gods that be. My subconscious is weirdly fascinated with little people - I suppose this dream is better than the ones I used to have where evil dwarves were chasing me and trying to push me off a dock.

MY PREDICTION WAS TRUE!

My dreams did spell doom! I tripped and bruised my left knee at the exact same spot (but for different reasons) that I tripped and bruised my right knee a week ago! Then My mp3 player died! Then I got locked out of the house! In the Rain!

Worship of me and my powers may begin at your earliest convenience.

Huh. I had Accutane about 20 years ago, and I'm still ticking. I think you'll be ok. email me if you want more specifics.

And John Irving? I only read him once every 15 years. I've got six years to go. Would reading a review have to reset the clock?

Oh, and dreams. Since I frequently forget the xanax, I'll get some vivid, lucid dreams. My favorite was when I was melting rocks with my hands.