MetaChat - How do you see yourself (physically)?

I would really like it if each and every one of us posted our headshots, as a sign of: this is me. This is who I am, for better or worse, and god dammit, I don't give a rat's ass about what anyone else thinks, because I think I'm beautiful!

Er, Handsome, I mean...

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posted by hadjiboy 19 March | 04:35

ps, hi Gracie--just saw your post in the other thread--how are you doing???

posted by hadjiboy 19 March | 04:39

This is a very emotionally-charged subject for me.

I grew up being told that my sister was 'the pretty one'. When we were children, my father used to introduce us to people : "This is Lesley, isn't she lovely? And [sigh] this is Jan. We named her well. She's plain, simple and short." Lesley was the blonde princess and I was the bespectacled geeky bookworm. Anyone who's seen "Welcome To The Dollhouse" will identify, except my sister's the older one, not the younger as in the movie.

So I never had any sense of being attractive, as a result of which I had very little self-worth and I truly believed that nobody could ever like me for who I was. So from my early teens I 'looked for love' in all the worst and wrongest ways, and drank to numb the feelings.

In the years since I got sober, I've learned to realise that, no, I'm not a hideous troll. I have no idea how to dress, and it's only in the last couple of years that I've started to spend money on getting my hair cut and highlighted properly. I absolutely love it when I come out of the hairdressers with my hair all smooth and swing-y (and have tried, and failed, to repeat the look by myself).

Still ingrained is the view of my sister as 'the pretty one', although years of sunbathing, poor diet, bad dye jobs and lack of exercise have caused her looks to fade. She is now 51, I am 48. My sister still has incredibly self-confidence and belief in her own gorgeousness.

I find it incredibly hard to accept compliments from people about how I look - inside is the fat, awkward "Speccy Four Eyes" who never had a date.

My headshot. January 2008.

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posted by essexjan 19 March | 05:07

We named her well. She's plain, simple and short

wtf

Seriously, what an atrocious thing to say to a child. It's amazing how much of a total jerk some parents can be. These people have no business being near children, let alone parenting them.

(you know, I never realized how true all that stuff was about beauty being more of a thing that you have on the inside, than the outside, until I met people who were just so magically delicious in their... I don't even know what to call it... inner most being?, that you wouldn't have given a whit as to what the hell they looked like on the outside, even though they were much much better than they thought they were.) They just grew more and more beautiful with each and every new thing that you discovered about them, until, one day, you finally realized that this person truly was the most beautiful person you could've ever hoped to have met.

I've read a couple of your posts about your sis Jan, and no offence, but she isn't the sister that I'd call the beautiful one. Ten, twenty, thirty years from now, when you're all old and wrinkly, and age has finally caught up with you (yeah--I think you still have a long ways to go in that department!)--you'll still be the beautiful one, because of who you are--a kind and gentle soul, a lovable person who cares deeply about others and isn't afraid to speak her mind, and someone who has a lot of friends who care so deeply about her. You truly are beautiful, and I sincerely mean that.

posted by hadjiboy 19 March | 06:24

Fat, ugly but nice eyes.

Wonky yellow teeth. In fact, for some bizzarre reason, I still have a baby tooth that just sits in my mouth refusing to do anything but go slowly grey.

Lips too big. Hair so fine that certain floating point operations on older processors can cause it to move. Voice sometimes slips into a nasal whine.

I got so much hassle when I was a kid that it's scarred me for life.

I've never been attractive, and I think the people that do find me attractive find me so in a "different but attractive" kind of way.

Thank God for the internet and myspace photograph techniques.
Although, this is probably representative.
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(* Arghhhh, English Teeth *)

posted by seanyboy 19 March | 06:27

Might as well start at the top: my hair is a dull shade of not-quite-blonde enough to be pretty that is constantly frizzy and stringy with little bits sticking out all over the place. It's never smooth and shampoo-commerical-like.
My face has pimples and huge pores. My eyebrows are uneven and not quite trim enough, my nose is just an ugly shape, but it does fit the size of my face. My eye color is somewhat pretty, but again, not quite enough to be completely attractive. Plus, my eyes are too small and never white enough. My lips are misshapen and my top lip isn't full enough. My teeth are yellow and too big. My gums are huge and icky if I open my mouth too wide. My chin pokes out too much and my cheeks are too full.
My neck is not graceful, just a stump that my head sits on. My shoulders are slumped and not prettily defined. My arms are hairy and not toned. My hands are not graceful and are scarred from various mishaps. My nails are not polished and delicate. My knuckles have too much skin.
My breasts are uneven and not big enough for my shape. My stomach is fat, with most of it being concentrated just below my belly button, so I almost look pregnant (but not enough for people to actually make that assumption, like some bigger women). I'm fat, but it's unevenly distributed so I look oddly shaped. My hips are too big.
My thighs are enormous and quite red. They're all cottage-cheese-like. My calves are actually somewhat decent, muscular, but I'm sure that'll go away soon. My ankles bulge outward. My feet are too big and wide. My toes are fat and hairy. My toenails are misshapen and never pretty.

I've always been the ugly, fat girl. Even my parents have said it to my face (although they haven't said the ugly part recently, they've been focusing more on the fat part.)
Y'all have seen pictures in the past, there's no point in reiterating the point.

posted by sperose 19 March | 07:11

I used to think I was the ugliest bastard on earth, but eventually it sunk in that I am just average. Not ugly, not particularly attractive, just bland and slightly overweight. Which is fine - all of my body parts work well enough and I wasn't born with mental disabilities or anything and that's about the best a man can hope to get out of life, right?

posted by cmonkey 19 March | 07:11

I was always tagged by my family as "vaguely exotic looking", which makes other people very curious, because there's nothing too exotic about my looks. This comes from my baby years, when the "part Cree and Chippewa" almond shaped eyes and high cheekbones were more evident than they are today. My mother thought I had Downs Syndrome until I started speaking at age 3.

I'm overweight. Yeah, I know it; I have been so all my life. I got a lot of grief and teasing from the kids when I was young. Nowadays, so many American adults are overweight that nobody older than High School notices my weight anymore.

I don't know what I think about my looks, except that I envy people who look like my sister, who's fairer-skinned with grey eyes and freckles.

How does one put a photo in here?

posted by lleachie 19 March | 07:16

I think I'm average in the looks department. My parents always told my sister and I we were pretty, but not too much, I think.

I always think I'm too fat. I'm constantly thinking about my weight. I'm constantly striving for a certain size. I'm one of those people that think life will be fabulous at size 6. I know this is ridiculous thinking, but I want to get there just to find out.

I used to hate my nose. Now I'm at peace with it. I kind of like it, actually. I used to think it was too big, but now I think it's fine.

I like my looks. I'm tall and I like being tall. I like my hair. I like my body shape; I'm curvy in all the right places. I have good teeth. On the other hand, I have some sun damage. I have cellulite. I have spider veins. I used to have acne bad, but there are no lasting terrible scars, thankfully. My skin is still very oily. If I don't wash my hair everyday it's grease city. I clean up well. I love clothes and fashion and all of that girl stuff. I think I have a knack of making the best of my looks.

At the age of 35 I have a little bit of anxiety of losing my youthful looks. It's shallow and strange, but I have a small amount of anxiety that time is running out. I want to be the best looking I can be before I'm "too old". I want to go on that gorgeous tropical vacation with my husband and wear a bikini and be beautiful before it's "too late".

posted by LoriFLA 19 March | 07:24

Tis amazing how our image of our body-selves arrives during childhood and doesn’t ever quite get replaced. We are such visual creatures. I look at my brain-self and see increasing ability as I grew older; yet, I’m still locked in the mindset of what I thought of my body as a young teen.

For me, it’s not a good thing. I never received any comment about my appearance when I was young (good or bad), and my Dad was happy to have a “boy” to help with construction projects. (My brother was a bookworm and I was the outside tomboy.) I went to a small school with only 13 in the graduating class; three of those were boys. Since I was a tomboy, I didn’t even try to pretend to even have any interest because I knew I wasn’t the cheerleader type. Plus, I broke my nose and it created a big hump – it’s my face I really don’t like since I have a receding chin and sags are starting to take hold. The body is acceptable, if not a little short and stubby. I inherited the thunder thighs.

To complicate my body image, I love to dress to hide my shortcomings. So, I see myself in the mirror without the layer of clothing and I see the bad parts that need disguising and manage to dress so they are less apparent. Unfortunately, I cannot hide the face, so that’s how I see myself every day – as an unattractive person who’s trying to pretend to be non-hideous.

posted by mightshould 19 March | 07:34

Wow, we're all down on ourselves, aren't we? From the photos I've seen, seanyboy and cmonkey are both nice-looking men.

I think it's true, though, that people who are really stunningly gorgeous are treated differently from those who are less pulchritudinous. It definitely gives them advantages and opens doors that are closed to the ugly ducklings.

I remember years ago I worked with a woman, Heather, who was beautiful - thick, dark, curly hair, flashing eyes, beautiful smile, the kind of skin that took a golden tan in the haziest sunshine, fabulous figure ... I won't go on. She was amazing.

And she had a way with men that I will never in a million years understand, because I don't have it - they would practically fight amongst themselves to have the honour of carrying her briefcase to the car, as I struggled along behind with mine. I don't need to say more, because those of us who don't have 'it' - that way with men - have seen how 'it' works with those who do and can only stand and watch.

One day my boss's mother was in the building and I walked into Heather's office just as this woman was saying to her "... and you're such a beautiful girl ...", as Heather sat there, simpering under the praise. Then they both looked at me with expressions of such, well, pity on their faces that I went to the ladies and cried.

I'm sure many people remember the movie "9½ Weeks", because it was famous for its sex scenes. But the scene that stuck with me was right at the start of the movie, when Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke meet for the first time. It's at a lunch party hosted by a woman who quite clearly is in love with Mickey, but he only has eyes for Kim. During the lunch, despite the woman trying to talk to him, as far as he's concerned, she might as well not even exist. I don't know who the actress was, but I was right there with her, I have felt that pain of being invisible when in the company of beautiful women.

posted by essexjan 19 March | 07:36

PS: Seanyboy, I think your looks are charming. And Jan, I could just KICK your parents for what they did to you!

Lori, I'm losing my youthful looks and I'm okay with it now. I think, at 44, I finally look somewhat more comfortable in my skin, more "together". Don't let dominant culture shame you into thinking only young is beautiful.

posted by lleachie 19 March | 07:40

My head is quite large and bulbous, but not so that it's too much out of proportion with the rest of me. My chin is somewhat protuberant, enough so that I tend to dislike photographs of my face in profile. But it's also a family trait that I'm happy to bear. I'm slightly overweight. Beyond that, my features have attracted very little comment, either positive or negative: I consider myself plain-looking, and am content with that. There are some pictures of me here.

posted by misteraitch 19 March | 07:41

I have always seen myself as reasonably average looking. I've never really thought much about my looks, to be honest - I was quite an atypical teenager and didn't lack confidence, I think because I had come to peace with the fact that I would never be the prettiest or the most likely to get a boyfriend etc. Additionally, my MO has always been to blend in, so I have (and always have had) a hairstyle that doesn't stand out, clothes that don't stand out (for minimal effort) and so on. I have never been interested in fashion, or makeup, or rather only to the extent that I can blend in with other women. I have many very beautiful, well put together friends, and I don't want to stand out when I'm hanging out with them.

I like my eyes, they are green, and the one feature I get complimented on quite a bit. I like my height, just above average, for a woman, but not really tall (5'8") and although I'm a bit overweight, I've always carried it well. In fact people are often surprised when they hear how much I actually weigh. And I like having an ass - I would be sad if that went away upon losing weight.

I don't like my teeth - too big for my mouth, and I don't like my eyebrows - I have a scar in one and a mole in the other (neither is really visible) but it means that they are never ever even. So I don't put much effort into maintaining them.

On the whole, I'm OK with how I look. If I wasn't, I'd do something to change it.

posted by gaspode 19 March | 07:49

lleachie, click on the "Image" button just below the comment box and paste the url of your photograph in the pop up display that appears, then click on okay.

sperose, I haven't seen your picture yet, and I'd very much like to... could you direct it to me?

I've got asymmetrical ears (although you can't make that out too clearly from the photograph), I have a big nose (when I was a tennager, I used to dream of being Brad Pitt, with the small nose and the blond hair, and the great height--I'm 5'7, and always wanted to be 6--after reading all those Cosmopolitans and watching movies where the girls always wants a guy who's "6 feet tall"). PS. that all changed after I saw Daniel Day-Lewis for the first time in My Left Foot, and after seeing the performance that he gave, I was kind of proud of my big nose. Heck, Daniel's was a bit crooked too but he didn't seemed to be embarrassed by it--why should I be??

I also have a scar on my chin which was caused by a major accident, in which I also tore off my elbows and knees, and needed surgery on them. It took me months to recover, and the scars are still there.

When I was younger, as I've already mentioned, I hated my body hair, and tried whatever was in my power to get rid of it. This included shaving, and so there's a lot more hair than there should be when compared to the density of it when it first started appearing.

I also have a not too manly voice, at least not the type of voice that men have over here, so I feel a little ashamed about that. When I was in school I was repeatedly made fun of for being fair and compared to a "girl".

My eyes, as you can see, are small and my eyebrows are pointy, which gives me a sort of funny look, maybe even evil looking. I have small hands which are quite soft and have gotten some flack from the guys about that as well. (My weight has also become an issue as of late because of the medication I'm on, but surprisingly, I like the kind of body that I have now; I look more like a man because of the increase in my size--guys are big here).

I have a penis which I always thought was too small (again, after reading all the Cosmopolitan magazines--I tell you--those books are the devil's work!), but have realized that it's in pretty good standing after being privy to a few discussions with other guys, and that my penis is perfectly alright for my body. No Porno Penis here, thank you very much.

My knees, other than the scars, are sort of blackish, and I always wanted them to be fair, like Americans, and would be ashamed of wearing anything that would reveal them, which meant, no shorts or bermudas for me, at least not if they were anywhere above knee level.

And lastly, my feet. I was always obsessed with my toes (this was due to some ideal of symmetry that I wanted to aspire towards) and hated the fact that the second one on the left foot, was longer than the second one on the right foot. I was such a fool that I had made up plans for going in for a total body makeover, where I would get everything worked at--the butt, the face, the knees, the feet, the ears, the nose, the chin--everything. Oh yes--and also the teeth. I don't have the perfect smile like they advertise in all of those endless commercials, so I thought it'd be a good idea to have them pulled out, and replaced with the perfect set.

I think I was really nuts to have thought of going through all of this. I am so happy that I didn't have the money to do any of these things, because I think I look just fine the way I am, and I wouldn't change a single thing about me right now.

posted by hadjiboy 19 March | 07:53

Unfit. This is how I see myself.

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posted by Daniel Charms 19 March | 08:07

Ugh. Well, this is sort of a sore spot for me now. For the most part, I never really did pay a lot of attention to my looks, except for a couple of years in high school (when, I guess, we are at our most insecure, lookswise?), but now that I'm really aging, I've become retroactively vain, and it's the stupidest thing because that's just a no-win situation. Every photo I take of myself looks so hideous my heart sinks to my feet and I feel like hiding under the blankets.

Yet, occasionally someone else will take a quick candid, and I look mostly like my real mental image of myself - which is much better than what I see in my awful, searingly awful self-shots. I even saw a bit of video of myself in stark sunlight recently, and thought, oh, hum, okay then - maybe not really quite as monstrous as I feared.

I hate this though... I go through pretty much my whole life without falling prey to either insecurity or vanity - and now it's going to happen? Now? Bah. Anyway, not really much I can do about ravaging age, but I do need to lose weight again. Since my husband and I now manage to inhabit the same space, the pounds have flown back on. He's very, very bad for my diet.

Here's my super-cheating photo, taken a couple of weeks ago, and the only one I can stand to look at, because my husband was playing around with taking photos by bouncing the shot off a mirror, and that extra level of "filter" fades the giant bags under my eyes, sagging jawline, and those nice severe nose-to-mouth lines, whatever those are called. So, not photoshopped, but mirror-bounce kindness at work:

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(I may try again to get a more faithful self-shot)

posted by taz 19 March | 08:28

Here's me with my mother (I'm the YOUNGER one). This was taken one year before she died, and it's a great pic of Mom. I look more like Mom than I used to, except for the eyes and the cheekbones, which are the envy of my sister:≡ Click to see image ≡
Didn't know how to make it smaller!

posted by lleachie 19 March | 08:30

I've always been reasonably happy with my looks. Growing up, I can remember several occasions where someone would say to my mother, "Your daughter is so pretty" and she would always respond, "Thank you. We think she's really beautiful on the inside too which is what's really important." It was a long time before I realized she was really speaking to me, not to whomever made the comment. I have the usual American female angst over weight, especially since I had my baby 2 years ago, but on the whole, I've always felt I looked fine. And I've always felt very lucky that my looks were not a source of unhappiness for me. Clearly my parents did a great job with giving me a healthy self-image.

posted by Kangaroo 19 March | 08:33

I'm noting a lot of beautiful people here -- yes, this means you, Taz, and you, Jan -- and even the guys. We're supposed to look REAL -- not airbrushed. Look at this picture of my Mom. She was 76 in this picture. She has a widow's hump, thinning hair, age marks on her skin. But she was beautiful.

posted by lleachie 19 March | 08:35

I've got asymmetrical ears... I have a big nose... I'm 5'7... I was always obsessed with my toes....

Holy moly I'm like the Caucasian female version of you! I may be a little bit shorter though....

I used to stress about being pretty and the rest of it... and then I guess I just got to a stage where it really didn't matter anymore. Also I just pierced my nose to get over the "size" several years ago.

It's only been recently that I've been super upset about my body - I'm not dealing with the pregnant body so well - I feel so huge and clumsy! Looking forward to getting something like the old one back again. And being able to touch my toes.

Please enjoy this pic of my freaky toes....

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posted by gomichild 19 March | 08:35

aw, lleachie, you and your mother are beautiful. My sensible side completely agrees with you that youth isn't necessary for beauty. I plan on being a gorgeous at 70.

I've posted my pictures of myself here before. Here is a self-portrait I took five minutes ago:
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This is my signature look: nothing brushed or washed until noon. When I see this picture. I immediately start to think how fat I am and how I need to lay off the beer and chips because my chin is looking terrible and I look puffy. It's a sickness. I'm well aware. :-)

posted by LoriFLA 19 March | 08:49

Objectively, here goes.

I am short, 4ft 11, and I wish I were 6" taller. But my diminutive stature does not mean I'm 'small-boned'. I have a wide skeleton - broad feet, knees, hips, shoulders and my head is huge.

My neck is short and I have a tendency to gain weight around my face, so I look as if I have no neck and a double chin. I'm starting to become jowly. Gah!

My hair is fine and flyaway, curly/wavy if I leave it to dry naturally. It always looks too thin (about the only thing on me that ever does!)

My skin is bad - I've had psoriasis since I was seven, in varying degrees of severity. Although sunlight is good for psoriasis, I am very fair-skinned and burn really easily so I avoid the sun.

My nose is always red - in the winter from the cold and in the summer from the sun (despite sunblock).

I never had spots when I was a teenager, but when I hit 40 - hoo boy! I turned into pizza face over night. But I use good skin care and I don't have too many lines on my face. Some laughter lines around my eyes, but laughter is good.

My teeth are small and not too white and my gums are receding slightly.

My feet are horrible - I have dinosaur claw toenails. I have trouble buying shoes in the UK, but a US size 7 fits me perfectly so I try to buy shoes in America as I know I'll be disappointed in the UK.

I'm too fat and too soft. I wish my breasts were firmer and more pert, and my stomach, arse and thighs less flabby. But I'd never have a boob job or a tummy tuck - in the past I've needed surgery for medical reasons on breast and abdominal areas and both were so painful that I wouldn't put myself through that for the sake of vanity.

My best features? I have nice eyes, I think. And I have a high ribcage, so when I'm not too oveweight, this gives me a small waist and an hourglass shape with my big boobs and butt.

posted by essexjan 19 March | 08:55

Self image is such a weird thing. My parents always told me I was pretty, beautiful and I sort of thought they were lying. Well. Parts of me did. As a kid and all the way through middle school I was terribly gawky and way too tall (I've been 5'10" since I was 12) and thin and the bottle bottom glasses didn't help; neither did the fact that I was a science fiction reading, straight A getting geek who mostly wore jeans and giant lumberjack shirts. But then I got contact lenses and breasts the summer between 9th & 10th grade and holy shit, it was like those Wonder Woman TV shows where she takes off her glasses. Suddenly I was pretty and suddenly I was getting attention all over the place and suddenly I became popular with the wrong crowd and my bad girl tendencies took over, like they'd just been waiting for a place to get out. Thus my misspent youth was launched. Heh. Wouldn't trade it.

I never thought about it all that much, though, actually - I was too busy with my life, which sounds hopelessly naive to me now. Now I look back and I think, you idiot, you could have done something with those looks - at least ditched the lumberjack shirts or considered getting your hair done or learned to wear makeup or something (I still never have. I'm terrible at girly things.) You coulda been a trophy wife, you fool! Well. Probably not - I may have been a very pretty girl but my looks have never been fashionable. I think you don't really know what you look like until you're older. I've also never been photogenic at all and I was weird about having my picture taken, which I really regret now.

I had a lot of trouble getting older. I didn't like it one bit when the attention started fading when I was in my thirties and it really played havoc with my self esteem. I think of myself as horribly fat now too, although everyone tells me I'm not, but I started gaining weight for the first time in my life after my second child and I've never entirely lost it. I hate it and I count calories constantly, which I also hate, giving in to some stereotypical American woman idiocy.

I don't like my father's Irish jowls that appeared when I turned 40; I don't like the beer belly; I don't like the gray hair right at the front of my head; I don't like the wrinkles; I don't like the yellow teeth that I just noticed last night. I don't like the way my body seems to change overnight these days, like I'll wake up now and discover that my stomach or my upper arms are a completely different shape, as if they'd been switched by the malevolent Old Fat Fairy and there's nothing I can do. Well. Possibly I could do Pilates. ;-)

Meanwhile, I think this might be my favorite relatively current picture of me, taken last summer. And then here's a head shot.
≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by mygothlaundry 19 March | 09:04

Oh, and I looked for a photo of me that pretty much looks like me looking normal (most of the photos I put up on flickr are ones that I think are me looking better than average). That's mr. gaspode with me, don't confuse us. Oh, and BP took the pic.

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posted by gaspode 19 March | 09:17

I'm not going to post my picture in thread, because I'm shy, but anyone who wants to see what I look like can go here.
This is a tricky subject for me. I don't ever feel comfortable talking about myself with other people, if for no other reason than my personal experience with my self image has always been quite positive. I am tall, skinny and photogenic, and I don't think I will ever, ever get used to it.

posted by msali 19 March | 09:28

This is a depressing thread, anyhow I have never liked my looks and I probably never will BUT that being said if it was the bane of my existence I'd probably work hard to change it. I'm short, fat, with thick limbs, jiggly granny arms and uneven skin. Small eyes with a sort of sad tilt to them, screwy eyebrows that I have given up on, big round nose that makes me look a bit stupid and a mouth that tends to curl up at the edges making me always a touch smiley. I tend to girl things up because I enjoy girl things (or my version of them) and also because I've always been sort of masculine in that stompy brash way. So yeah I don't like my looks but they have SO little do with the things I want to accomplish in life that I don't give much of a hell.

posted by Mrs.Pants 19 March | 09:28

Gomichild, I have toes like that too! -and people always get a kick out of realizing that their pinky fingers are the length of my second toes.

I'm more at peace with my looks than I once was. I'm pretty tall, which I like. I like my broad shoulders and big hands more than I like my broad hips. Sometimes I think I'm nice-enough looking and other times I can't stand to look in a mirror. I have big ears and a stereotypical Jewish nose. I've had opticians comment on how wide my nose is when fitting my glasses. Thanks, I've noticed. I've always felt comfortable behind my glasses and never wanted contacts.

I'm not particularly girly, so I don't do makeup or anything, but I do try to wear interesting clothes. I finally started investing in good haircuts. Oh, and my hair is a lot darker than it used to be, which still startles me when I see photos. It's really fine and curls in weird ways, so I keep it short. It's easiest that way. I have scars on my chin from an accident when I was twelve. I'm almost 30 and still get pimples.

I used to weigh a lot more than I do now, and my mom would say snide things like, "You're a big girl." She also pointed out that my head is small for my body, which I've been self-conscious about ever since. I still feel heavier than I really am; people see me as thin, but all I can see are the lumpy bits that I carefully hide with clothes. I would never, ever wear a bikini. I notice the tiniest changes in my weight. I feel best about myself when I'm in shape and feel useful and powerful. When I'm out of shape, I get more obsessed with my surface appearance.

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posted by bassjump 19 March | 09:30

I do love seeing pictures of everyone else, I am always curious about what y'all look like.

posted by msali 19 March | 09:32

Gomichild, I have toes like that too!

Wheee! We can start a club!

And yeah there is definitely something in the feeling strong and fit having a positive effect on how you view your body.

posted by gomichild 19 March | 09:34

I might write more later when I get to work, but cmonkey pretty much says it anyway.

Well, one more thing: you're a beautiful bunch of people.

posted by box 19 March | 09:39

Wow, from reading all these descriptions, I'd think you're all a bunch of trolls. Then I click on a picture and the person is average-looking or better.

As an adolescent and teenager and very young adult, I used to hate myself and think I was an ugly cow. I really was terrible at putting myself together back then. It didn't help that I've had zero success with male relationships. Then in my early twenties, I lost some weight, got braces, and gradually got much better at dressing and grooming myself.

These days I keep gaining and losing the same 20 pounds. But it doesn't matter so much to me — though I get mad at myself for my lack of discipline and the only real problem is when my clothes don't fit. I don't dislike what I see in the mirror. And somewhere along the way I realized that I gain weight so evenly all over that no one notices whether I'm up or down that 20. I'll tell people that I've lost 20 pounds in the last two or three months and they look at me like I must be lying but they're too polite to say so. My most successful long-term relationship was with a guy who was ravenously attracted to me regardless at any weight. And I realized that I reject guys just as often as I get rejected. These days if I could change anything (well, besides being able to eat whatever I wanted and still remain trim) what I most wish I could change is my face, which is too wide, and my hands, which are big and chunky-looking. But.. I inherited my farmer dad's bone structure, so that's the way it is. If I got his hands I also got his love and gift for making things. I got his long limbs too, and it's kind of a neat party trick to show a 6' tall guy that his legs are the same length as those on 5'5" me.

My picture is on my MeFi profile page...

posted by Orange Swan 19 March | 09:40

I can't see lleachie's photographs for some reason...?

gaspode, I do that too, lol--post the pictures where I think I look better than usual, so that I'm not looking that awful... (you look like a peach though, and so does your man!)

mgl, LoriFLA, taz, I can't believe you ladies don't know how absolutely stunning you look, I don't know if this is an American thing (although I have noticed it creeping into Indian society now as well--ten years ago, girls were nowhere near as concerned with their looks as they are now sadly--and it only seems like it's going to get worse with the kind of trends I'm seeing now), but it seems that American women, or women in the West generally, are overburdened with this unrealistic expectation of how to look. I don't get it. You all look just fine to me, and by that I mean--you look like the way you're supposed to look--like women should look. How can you not be happy with that.:) (sorry! I just had to add the stupid smiley face there--the post wouldn't have seemed right without it.)

gomichild, I knew I had a doppelganger out there somewhere, but what I wasn't aware of was that it would be caucasian, and a female to boot, especially one with such pretty feet that she'd give any foot-fetishist a reason to dream;)

posted by hadjiboy 19 March | 09:47

I can't see lleachie's photographs for some reason...?

I couldn't see the photo in Firefox but could when I checked in IE.

posted by essexjan 19 March | 09:48

Oh, okay--thanks! Will get to them in a sec--thanks for posting lleachie!!!

This is a depressing thread

I really didn't mean it to be. I think Orange Swan is right on the money--you're all WAY too hard on yourselves, especially since you're all such smart and knowledgeable women. I'm thinking if I'm ever lucky enough to snag someone as witty, and caring, and smart--and yes--beautiful as any one of--I'd consider myself damn lucky!

posted by hadjiboy 19 March | 10:11

I have to throw in that how I feel about myself does NOT really spill over into how I think other people see me. Other people are much more flexible in their views, I think you can (by personality or maybe charm) seem attractive to anybody regardless of looks. My problem with my looks is that I'm visually sensitive and aesthetically anal and it bothers me to know that I'm just so unpleasing to my own eyes. i tend to wear makeup and bright clothes so I can give myself something to like. Again while this is depressing it's not really upsetting to me, some people are beautiful, some aren't.

add 30 lbs to this pic and subtract the glass and this is pretty much what i look like all the time : ≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by Mrs.Pants 19 March | 10:20

And now more pics -- Gaspode, you're absolutely DARLING! (hope you don't mind I'm female). Lori, I love your pic and don't see any beer and chips anywhere in it. And mygothlaundry -- your pic here looks like you're a very strong woman (a good thing). And I love your style, Mrs. Pants -- very classy!

I'm so glad to see real people behind the names. Wonderful, beautiful people.

And hadjiboy, I KNEW you were a cutie -- have seen your pics before. The vaguely "evil" cast of your eyebrows is something you could have a LOT of fun with!

posted by lleachie 19 March | 10:45

I am so wishing I look that good when I'm the same age as some of you ladies.
Unfortunately there is a painting in my grandparents' apartment of my great-grandmother that shows exactly how I'm going to look when I'm that old, and it's a terrible sort of cross - features by Botero, shape by Modigliani.

I get told I'm too skinny rather than too fat, but personally I'm just happy not having anything on my body stick out too much. It's still a problem when other people get involved - I feel horrible saying anything when girl friends complain about how fat they think they are; meanwhile the parents keep telling me to eat more at meals (I think they think I'm anorexic, which...no. Depressed, maybe.) and then Bad Things Happen when I eat too much.

All the issues are up on my face: my nose is too huge and my chin is too short, I have major overbite that braces didn't correct, and my eyes are different sizes (thanks to different numbers of creases on the eyelids). I guess it looks okay face-on (glasses sort of camouflage the eyes), but I really don't like my profile, which is basically a half-circle with a huge pyramid stuck on the outermost part. And I still have breakouts every other week.

Have been told I'm pretty, especially "when I smile", but smiling all the time makes me feel unnatural and untrustworthy (also, fuck that "smile and turn your frown upside down!" shit). And anyway the only people who've ever said so are those who would have a personal interest in being nice like that (friends of parents, relatives, etc.), and I don't think I've ever seriously heard it from any of my peers (except once, and he was dating me at the time).

This is me with eyeshadow which I almost never wear, but at least I'm not smiling as if I'm being told to:
≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by casarkos 19 March | 10:46

This thread has been totally troll-free - you people all look real, which is to say beautiful.

My grade 3 teacher told me I was lucky to be smart, cos pretty girls don't get taken seriously. So I had a bit of a cry (but I want to be pretty!) and got over it, and since I've rarely been insecure about my looks. I am what I am, and I like playing with hair colours and my clothes (and previously piercings, but not so much any more) but otherwise leave it alone. My younger sister is stereotypically gorgeous (tall, long blonde hair, big boobs etc - she was a high-end department store cosmetic counter girl [Laura Mercier] for years) but I'd hate to get the attention she gets and get embarassed sometimes when I'm out with her. She told me once in a drunken share that she felt I was painted as "the smart one" and she "the pretty one", but I had to tell her I hadn't really noticed.

I have a wonky eye, I'm speccy, I still think of my skin as blotchy and bad (although it's not really, any more), I look ridiculous in makeup, I'm short and curvy and I sometimes feel little and sometimes quite BIG, and I'm usually pretty dishevelled. I'll never be one of those well-groomed women; this pic is pretty representative of what I see in the mirror (having deja vu about posting this, sorry if a double):

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by goo 19 March | 10:54

The Con:

≡ Click to see image ≡

The Truth:

≡ Click to see image ≡

There are other cons and other truths, and we all look so different from moment to moment, year by year. Everyone has beautiful moments and ugly moments, and sometimes the ugly moments have beauty in their vulnerability. I like to play dress up and to be photographed, but I have very heavy defenses in place and tend to keep strangers away.

My negative issues are ageing in the face, skin tags, and weight. I have positive opitions of my eyes and legs.

posted by rainbaby 19 March | 11:02

Damn. People in this thread are really beautiful. You're the people that other people want to look like. I'm not going to single anyone out, but everyone is being way too hard on themselves. Everyone.

When I was in my late 20s I thought all the usual things...too fat, ugly, crappy hair, fug this, fug that. Yesterday I came across a photo of myself taken at a party when I was in my 20s, and shit. I was hot as hell. My husband was always telling me I was beautiful and sexy and my friends were always telling me I was looked great, and I never believed them, but looking at that photo, I see they were right. Why didn't I see what they saw? Why don't any of you see what I see?

All these pics make me think - does anyone remember the MySpace Face photo friday we did here a few years ago? I know we've had a lot of new people since then, maybe we should do something similar again - it was so fun. We should do another photo friday where we molest and abuse pics of each other... ;)

posted by iconomy 19 March | 11:04

Are you familiar with Tolkien's description of Hobbits? 'I picture a fairly human figure... fattish in the stomach, shortish in the leg. A round, jovial face; ears only slightly pointed and "elvish"; hair short and curling (brown). The feet from the ankles down, covered with brown hairy fur that are extremely small.'

I wish I looked like that.

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by steef 19 March | 11:22

I'd LOOVE a photoshop day like that -- you all did awesome things to each other's pics! And the thread seemed to give people a chance to see how others see them.

Does knowing how others see you intrigue you as much as it does me?

posted by lleachie 19 March | 11:34

I can't really remember being told that I was beautiful while I was growing up. I wasn't told that I was ugly, but beauty wasn't something that my family strived for. I was told a lot how smart I was, which skewed my view of myself - I still feel like people expect too much greatness out of me, and that if I don't "get" something immediately then I just won't "get" it. Working to understand something is so difficult for me, and I hate that.

But physically, I've always seen myself as overrweight with no chin and a giant nose. My class in high school was extremely athletic: let's-run-a-5k-on-the-weekend-just-for-fun kind of athletic. And I was... very much not. I was slow and uncoordinated in gym class, and that image just stuck with me.

But since I've started this 365 Days self-portrait project, I'm having more of a difficult time being down on my looks. I'm starting to see what others have told me, that I am actually pretty.

My hair is a little frizzy, and I'm sad that it's darkened so much as I get older, but I love the way it curls. My skin is very clear, rarely any acne, but it's very itchy-dry and extremely sensitive to the sun. I think my eyes are my best facial feature, my nose is too big, and my lips are good enough for kissing.

I have good, strong shoulders that look funny with shoulder pads. My boobs are huge but no longer perky from all the weight I've lost. My stomach is soft, and not flat by any means, but flatter than it's ever been and I'm even considering a bikini for this summer.

My ass doesn't stick out far at all, but my hips cige it a nice round curve. My boyfriend says my legs are awesome, but I'm still working up to believing that. I love my feet and try to always have my toenails painted.

I wish I were taller, wish my hair was lighter blonde, wish my boobs were closer to the same size as each other.

But on a whole, I've come to be happy with my body.

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by rhapsodie 19 March | 11:41

but my hips GIVE it a nice round curve

And a non-posed, less-flattering shot of me with a headache:
≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by rhapsodie 19 March | 11:44

I love how open and honest everyone is being about their own perceptions as well as how they think others view them. I also love all of the positivity and acceptance here. Your frankness is something I admire and aspire to, definitely.

posted by msali 19 March | 11:45

i'm handsome. that short fat bald fucker in the mirror, now he's ugly.

posted by quonsar 19 March | 11:53

Besides the MySpace Photo Friday Redux idea, I also like the idea of doing a sort of fantasy/reality thing (we could call it something else), as rainbaby and rhapsodie have posted. (Unfortunately, I always look the same, so I'm not sure I could participate.)

posted by box 19 March | 11:58

Quonsar, give it up. Let us see the bald fucker in the mirror. I am dying to see what the notorious infamous illustrious Quonsar looks like. Wait, no I'm not, I don't want to ruin the snarky sarcastic superhero vision I have built up in my head. No, yes I do! Oh! So conflicted.

posted by msali 19 March | 12:00

Well, I'm a super cool rocker. See?
≡ Click to see image ≡

Okay, okay, actually, I'm a late thirties tall guy. That's how people who know me in meatspace seem to describe me. I'm tall. To me, in my mind, I am a tall, broad, but fit handsome guy. In reality, I'm a tall, 50lb overweight guy. Now, when you are a broad-shouldered 6' 3" guy, 50lbs doesn't look terrible I guess. I dunno.

Beyond the weight thing, I'm a regular looking guy. Not unattractive I guess, but a little too crooked smile and goofy to really smolder or anything. I'm okay with my looks. I'd like to drop that weight though. Anyone know any SUPER EASY shortcuts?

This is me messing about with my camera while laying in my mom's world class hammock last summer:

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by richat 19 March | 12:20

If this thread proves anything, it's that you shouldn't worry about what other people think about your looks, because they're generally too busy worrying about their own imperfections (real or imagined) to even really notice yours.

posted by Orange Swan 19 March | 12:54

I think the bunnies are a WAY above-average-looking bunch, seriously. We've got hotties of both genders here, everywhere you look.

posted by BoringPostcards 19 March | 13:14

It's taken a lifetime but I have pretty much come to terms with how I look. I always felt very very ugly and unattractive, got teased, etc. It did not help that my big sister always got first in "the best smile" contests in school, and I had crooked teeth that my parents could not or would not get fixed. I finally took care of that myself, as an adult.

As a kid, my hair was always very curly, in the days when straight blonde was what people wanted to have.

I usually don't wear my hair down but this is the headshot I like best. It also shows the result of skin cancer surgery on my nose, but I am sort of over being self conscious of that.

On preview, sorry for the size. I am not sure how to change that.

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by danf 19 March | 13:22

In real life, when people who don't know me describe me, they usually mention the piercings and/or tattoos. When people who do know me describe me, they usually mention the glasses and/or beard. When I describe myself, I usually mention the belly and/or balding.

This reminds me of that word game, where I'm firm and you're stubborn and he's obstinate, and I'm a foodie and you're an epicurean and he's fat.

posted by box 19 March | 13:31

Well, I thought I was being honest and not self-deprecating about my looks, but when BoringPostcards said we all look way above average, I inwardly excused myself from that. As in, "Everyone else looks way above average except me -- I'm funny looking." Sigh.

posted by lleachie 19 March | 13:43

I would snog each and every one of you.
Even (especially?) at the same time.

posted by rhapsodie 19 March | 14:08

≡ Click to see image ≡

I'm just your average guy.

posted by bmarkey 19 March | 14:17

All work and no play makes bmarkey a dull boy.
All work and no play makes bmarkey a dull boy.
All work and no play makes bmarkey a dull boy.
All work and no play makes bmarkey a dull boy.
All work and no play makes bmarkey a dull boy.
All work and no play makes bmarkey a dull boy.
All work and no play makes bmarkey a dull boy.

Heeeeeeeeere's bmarkey!

Seriously, that photo is creepy. Good think I like you.

On preview: Oh, just saw the knife. So now I don't feel so bad for being creeped out.

posted by mudpuppie 19 March | 14:20

Bmarkey looks like what I imagined Quonsar to look like IRL. Bmarkey, is Quonsar your sockpuppet? Tell me true, now.

posted by msali 19 March | 14:27

hahaha!

posted by taz 19 March | 14:27

I imagine myself bodiless and young, about 25ish. I am nearly invisible and full of light. I this world, however, I'm 43, 240lbs - OMG - blond and sporting a chin-mullet.

posted by MonkeyButter 19 March | 14:44

r e d r u m r e d r u m r e d r u m r e d r u m !

msali, the guy in the first pic is q. Once he posted an animated gif of himself yelling and freaking out over something. I loved it....wish I had saved it.

posted by iconomy 19 March | 14:47

I'm happy with my face. I think I have the 'handsome' thing going on in some way. The eyebrows are a bit bushy, but I'll live with that rather than end up making some horrible mistake.

I'm happier now with my hair than I've been for the last eight years, so that's good. I still very randomly have good and bad hair days, though; haven't figured out what it is that I do that makes it look good sometimes to my eyes.

I'm very fond of my hands for some reason.

However, I'm a comfortable 30 pounds into the 'overweight' category, and I completely abhor how that manifests itself in the belly and thighs arenas. I'm generally pretty happy with how I look from the front, but turn me sideways and I want to hide.

So, that's about it.

posted by chrismear 19 March | 14:56

O HAY hadjiboy, I saw your flikr pic before this post. I love talking about and defusing body image issues, so here's my set:

I feel ENORMOUS. *sigh* I have big hands, big feet, a huge butt, a big mouth... not a dainty thing about me, and it's still not something I'm comfortable with. Kimya Dawson has this great song called "I like Giants" that I find really inspiring, and I've always been partial to "I'm Beautiful, Dammit," by Bette Midler. Ugh, I was in a wedding on Sunday, and the bridezilla smartly relented on her brilliant idea that, although my boyfriend of 6 years was a groomsman and I a bridesmaid, we be paired with partners who better matched our heights... which would basically say to me that we are NOT an acceptable couple for public display... But I'm actually not all that big, a 5'8" size 14, and whenever I see the really big ladies who are like, 6' and 250 with the big, zaftig curves, I think they look awesome, so I should really start applying that assessment to myself, but it's tough to do.

I like being tall, green-eyed, dimpled and blonde, small-chested, long-legged and badonkadonk-assed, but the belly needs to GO. I guess inside I wish I looked more erotic, exotic, or alluring, because I think there's little about me that's as swim-team girl-next-door as I look. I want to look like Zooey Deschanel; that would rule. I want to drop weight so that I don't get hit with negative assumptions many people have at first encounter with overweight people, because I'm really vibrant, energetic and confident, and I feel like being chubby makes people assume the opposite. I feel like if I were slim, there would be nothing I couldn't do. But again, if I were brave enough to assume that other people were as non-judgmental as I am (i just do not believe in ugly, or else I am attracted to far, far more people than the average person is), I would probably be much more satisfied with myself. I have really high standards for myself. Tough critic.

I also really battle with gender stuff, and honestly do feel like I'm in drag as a woman every day, though I love it. I dress like a total drag queen. So, I tend to feel pretty empowered and good about how I look when I'm all put-together and dressed up, and if I weren't shy about seeming vain to do so, I would take WAY more camwhorey pictures when I'm at my most fabulous. Because honestly, these clothes won't last forever and I should probably document them for all time. ;)

anyway, here's my whole set of me at various weights and hair colors, and here's the most recent one I have.

posted by Ambrosia Voyeur 19 March | 15:08

msali, the guy in the first pic is q.

So there is some stuff from a "quonset the hut" on my iTunes. .and I am assuming it's q. It's pretty fun stuff, actually.

/derail

posted by danf 19 March | 15:20

Yeah, and now that I've been able to look at everyone else's shots, there's not an unattractive face in the bunch. Of course, it helps to meet people here, doesn't it? I know for a fact that you are all damned genuine, kind, and fascinating, and it comes through in your facial character more than it would if I didn't know you at all.

posted by Ambrosia Voyeur 19 March | 15:30

I look just meh. I don't think I'm ugly or anything, just unremarkable. Like this, but I usually don't wear the glasses any more:
≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by dg 19 March | 15:37

Cameraphone, just moments ago, box of tea on my head:

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by box 19 March | 15:39

It's unfortunate that in this society we are so appearance-focused. I think even the most beautiful people have the same self-depreciating thoughts about their physical selves, despite their apparent perfection...

That said, I think all of you are, really and truly, a bunch of good-lookin' folks! I think you are too hard on yourselves, and need to realize that the things you perceive as glaring flaws are probably not even a blip on most people's beauty radars.

And that said, I would do almost anything to have perfectly healthy, straight, white, undamaged teeth. I want clear, luminous skin and a tight round ass. I want my boobs to be like they were when I was eighteen, and I think to myself every day that I should start up my yoga practice again to combat my flab, my stiffness, and my poor posture. Also, I hate my little double chin and the puffiness under my eyes.

But most people don't notice those things, right? Right?

And, inspired by rainbaby,

The Con:

≡ Click to see image ≡

The Truth:

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by Specklet 19 March | 15:53

box are you sure your name is not Bill and we worked together in poison control? I know your doppelganger.

posted by gaspode 19 March | 16:04

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by taz 19 March | 16:14

I've got a lot of doppelgangers running around--it's one of the things that finally convinced me that I'm average-looking rather than, y'know, hideous.

Ooh, I'd like to work in poison control. I love this logo:

≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by box 19 March | 16:18

bmarkey's knife is awesome.

All these personal physical flaws we're picking on--I don't really think most people, simply looking in this direction, actually consciously notice the double chins and droppy shoulders and stuff. We've been able to examine ourselves so much (most people out there don't see your face every morning in the mirror) that we can pick out the exact bits we're dissatisfied with. Random person in the street or bar or wherever is just going to glance over and think, "eh, not hot."

I doubt most of us will ever be rated objectively, marketably *hot*. But you're all fascinating, vibrant, good-looking, interesting and lovely and real people.

Except me, I just look like a skinny goldfish.

posted by casarkos 19 March | 17:10

Y'all are gorgeous.

As a child, I was routinely praised for my behavior or brightness, not my looks. Emphatically not. I was 14 when a drama teacher told me I had "a face for comedy," with my too-big features and exaggerated expressions. I told him sternly that any other girl in the class would've burst into tears and reported his comment, and he was frigging lucky I'd rather be funny than pretty. (Also, to shut his mouth. Yes, I did.)

When I started feeling that maybe possibly I was okay-looking, I thought of myself as "handsome" rather than "pretty." I wore little heels to boost me up to six feet, sweaters and jackets that emphasized my broad shoulders and small waist, anything that made me look bigger, stronger, more.

I always envied my delicate little friends, so pretty and sweet and soft, but a self-concept of "handsome" served me well as I aged. All my "pretty" has worn off some over the years. On me, "handsome" stands up better.

Some things I like about myself:
- As LoriFLA says, "I'm tall and I like being tall."
- When I was younger, I had traffic-stopping legs. They're okay now, a little chinky. If I took off some weight, they'd be very nice indeed.
- People often remark upon my eyes. I don't see it, but I often wear colors to play them up. Why not?

I have a lot of the features y'all mention : the ugly feet, the extra weight, the frizzy hair. I don't mind them. They just are. In my teens, I spotlit my quite ugly feet: toe rings, black nail polish, skimpy sandals. It was a weird form of anti-vanity.

I had no behind at all until I got kinda fat, so now I have a butt. That's an improvement, surely.

posted by Elsa 19 March | 17:38

I finally got brave enough to do a new head-shot:

≡ Click to see image ≡

It took approximately 40 tries to get a photo I'm even semi-comfortable with posting. I would imagine that says a lot about my self-image. It was pounded into me (literally and figuratively) from a young age that I was fat, ugly and all around no good. What I see in the mirror only proves it.

posted by deborah 19 March | 17:38

Uh. Make that [my legs are] "okay now, a little chunky." Of course. There are no little chinks, nooks, or crannies in my legs.

posted by Elsa 19 March | 17:45

*butters Elsa's legs*

I love this. It seems like the dressing up, the con, if you will, is a more female impulse/option/cultural phenom.

I would love to see a photo Friday something like "Truth or Consequences" or "Truth, Lies, and Videotape." Place yourself in the same situation, and appear three different ways. It'd be really interesting.

I love rhapsodie's 365/self project, and I'm so glad she's getting the total affirmation she deserves from it. Maybe many of us could benefit from a similar undertaking. And then hey, in thirty years, we can look back and appreciate our collective hotness.

I also would like to mention that I love that nobody here has called anyone out as "hey, you, you, and you are attractive to me!" This is about self-image and has stayed amazingly on-topic.

*deep breath* Homemade porn. I suggest it - at least twice (once to see that you're trying to hard, once to relax and just do it) - then destroy immediately after one viewing - for anyone with body issues. I think most people would find beauty in themselves through that.

posted by rainbaby 19 March | 18:38

My parents use to talk about me in front of me and say things like, "Don't worry. When you get older, we'll get you a nose job," out of nowhere. My mother made sure to say, if anyone ever said anything nice to me, they were lying or being polite, people would never really like me and i would never have real friends. My father would greet me with "What's that on your face? You are so fat."
Dad blurts every inanity to float through his head and my mother has more issues than the New Yorker, many about weight and image (South Koreans are #1 in worldwide anorexia, while North Koreans just don't have food.)
My mom is very pretty and i wanted to take a picture of her the other day in this very stylish Caroline Herrara deep purple fur vest and tiny houndstooth pants for the Sartorialist. She really needs to stop torturing her hair, because the time warp around her head needs to stop the eighties vortex.
So why am i talking about my mother?
Because for the longest time she believed my appearance was just an extension of her appearance, to the point of having tantrums and once cutting the purple dye out of my hair in my sleep.
In fits and bursts i realized i wasn't actually so unloveable and deformed. In fact, people seemed to like me and there were often odd incidences due to my appearance.

If i added it all up, i'd say i had maybe two years of my life where i was what is general agreed upon as being quite good looking, over thirty six years. My weight has been up and down without much conscious effort on my part, but as a side affect of life, my health has been all over the place. i've been pull together and pulled apart, left in bits that shouldn't be seen in public and costumed for every and no occasion.

i'm lucky that i've had brief moments in life where i got to enjoy being young and attractive in broad daylight, but i've had more problems from people's perceptions of how attractive i am. Some people think i am unremarkable, some ugly, some striking-- it's all one big fucking mess.
One idiot will decide i have been privileged with a perfect home life as a "pretty person" and take out their issues on me, someone else will harass and attack me without a thought, some one else will pity me, someone else will feel free to ask me what is wrong with my face--
A lot of people are shocked to hear what people feel free to say to me, saying they would have just started crying, so i'm guessing it's not usual.
The eye of the beholder is often connected to a big gangly excuse for a mind, and i know i can drastically alter my appearance to suit my needs, but not as much as i use to as right now i am on the up end of weight and low end of healthy.
That bothers me but i'm working on it. i find if i'm healthy and happy, i just end up looking better, and not just because people look better healthy and happy.
People are a fucked up lot and there is so much to say about them, but i can't right now because America's Next Top Model is on.
≡ Click to see image ≡ ≡ Click to see image ≡ ≡ Click to see image ≡ ≡ Click to see image ≡

posted by ethylene 19 March | 19:04

One thing that I've been trying to remember is that almost EVERYONE looks more like themselves when they are SMILING. We do ourselves a great disservice when the camera comes out and we start trying to minimize our imagined "failings" through vain posturing. All of our loved ones would really appreciate it if we'd all collectively just fucking quit it and smile like we're laughing when the camera comes out. Honestly. In fact, I may challenge the lot of you to just go back to the camera and SMILE YOUR FUCKING ASS OFF for another picture and post the one in which you look happiest.

posted by richat 19 March | 19:19

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posted by ethylene 19 March | 19:21

It varies. I was an awkward spazzy kid and a pimply adolescent, so I guess I'll always have something of a negative self-image physically. I still think I'm too scrawny, and that my eyes are droopy, and that I usually have a kind of dopey expression and questionable dress sense. Other times, (usually after a few drinks), I'll think I look pretty damed good, but that passes. The verdict from people seems to be that I'm 'cute,' whatever the hell that means. I think it means, not quite 'handsome' or 'sexy,' but not 'repugnant' either. Kind of...'pleasingly odd' I guess.

This pic by DaShiv is a pretty accurate representation of what I usually look like
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posted by jonmc 19 March | 19:24

I'm sort of fuzzy and pompom-ey. Hence the name.

pic

posted by pompomtom 19 March | 19:25

RICHAT
I say the opposite!
Pose off!
Or

IT'S MOTHERFUCKING WALK OFF.

posted by ethylene 19 March | 19:26

As near as I can tell, dashiv has an incredible knack of catching people's personalities (and the way they really look) on film.

posted by Specklet 19 March | 19:28

I smile in pictures, richat, and then I get called creepy. I can't win.

posted by bmarkey 19 March | 19:38

Great idea, rainbaby!

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Pro:≡ Click to see image ≡

I've always thought I've had a weight probem, but I'd give anything to be the size I was in high school. I had terrible self esteem issues back then, right through my late twenties, but as I've gotten older, I've become more friendly to myself. I'm short, about 5 foot 1 inch, with an hour glass figure (just a lot of hours in it :^)! ). I wear glasses, I have shoulder length reddish brown hair (I color it because as I've gotten older it just seems more blah than it used to be.) If I really work at it, I can lose weight, but I have to be really hard on myself and frankly, I'm not that unhappy. If I just got a tummy tuck....

Honestly, I think everyone here looks great (Daniel Charms - roawr!) And yet again, I am sure that deborah and I were separated at birth. I really enjoy these threads.

posted by redvixen 19 March | 19:54

Yes, dashiv is frighteningly good at capturing folks. I have long thought so!

A Pose Off eh? Not for me. I'm trying to lighten up these days. And, bmarkey? I really, really liked that photo. Nothing creepy there. Just a dude having some fun. I think I know a Canadian version. Not me, but another fella. Anyway.

posted by richat 19 March | 20:01

Of course, as an adult, my physical self-image has not been helped by the fact that I tend to wind up with exceptionally handsome guys as friends. The guy on the left in this picture next to me:
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perfectly illustrates the difference between handsome/hot and 'cute.' He walks into a room and all eyes were on him, he could act like a complete prick and women would still want to have his babies. he's also independently wealthy, was in a band, was a fireman, a paramedic, a fireman and now a policeman. I spent almost a decade playing Ralph malph to his Fonzie. If he wasn't such a nice guy I would've had to kill him. There was another guy I used to work with named Matt. He looked kind of like a young Kevin Costner but with shoulder-legnth curls and Jesus eyes. He was introduced by his buddy Sean at an after-work bar crawl. "He starts tommorrow,' Sean said. The next day, most of the female employees were dressed like they were going to the Oscars or something. Thankfully, he was also a nice guy. But, I learned that there's a difference in how people treat the exceptionally good looking.

posted by jonmc 19 March | 20:13

One of my favorite pictures, from a couple of summers ago.

Oddly, I tend to think of myself as thinner than I am. I grew up thin, for the most part, and so now that I'm rather plump (over 200), I still don't think of myself that way. In fact, when I pass a reflection of myself, I'm always surprised by how fat I am. I would like to be thinner, for health (and bathing suit) reasons, but I have no intention of getting a face lift or anything of the kind. I intend to age however ungracefully (maybe a little laser hair removal...). Increasingly, I see my birth mother's face staring back at me.

posted by Pips 19 March | 20:41

He walks into a room and all eyes were on him, he could act like a complete prick and women would still want to have his babies.

Some women, maybe. But give us credit for being a little more discerning. Yes, I'll be eager to get to know a handsome guy. Yes, I consider your friend very good-looking. But if he weren't a nice guy, I'd lose interest very quickly. A lot of women would.

There's a great-looking guy at my company. He set my mostly female co-workers all a twitter when he started working there. But then we got to know what he was like, and the excitement died down completely. Now when his name comes up, no one ever says anything about his looks. Instead we say he's a condescending ass who's not particularly good at his job.

Conversely, I've known guys who were just okay looking, or cute in a very ordinary sort of way, who suddenly became very attractive to me once I found out how kind and smart and funny they were.

posted by Orange Swan 19 March | 20:51

It's so sad when they open their mouths and ruin everything.

posted by ethylene 19 March | 20:58

Some women, maybe. But give us credit for being a little more discerning. Yes, I'll be eager to get to know a handsome guy. Yes, I consider your friend very good-looking. But if he weren't a nice guy, I'd lose interest very quickly. A lot of women would.

Well...I've seen enough to say that you'd be in the minority*. (and thankfully, my buddy is a nice guy and does have a lot of great stories to tell, is cooler than shit etc. etc.) Back when we were both single guys on the prowl, I was relegated to the role of 'comedy relief.' And I'm cool with that. He won a genetic lottery I didn't, good for him. And over the last 15 years, my relationship history has been a lot steadier than his,to say the least. (although he is married now, swan, sorry.)

*seriously, I've seen intelligent, discerning, self-described feminist women turn into giggling schoolgirls around this guy. And he took advantage of that. good for him

posted by jonmc 19 March | 21:01

Conversely, I've known guys who were just okay looking, or cute in a very ordinary sort of way, who suddenly became very attractive to me once I found out how kind and smart and funny they were.
See, this is the problem. In many social situations, females never get to know how kind, smart and funny* ordinary-looking guys are because they are too busy fawning over the cool dude with the hair. By the time they have realised that the cool dude is, in fact, a violent arsehole who is only interested in trophies, the rest of us are not in the picture. Then along comes another uber-handsome dude and the whole cycle repeats.

I'm not really complaining about this (honestly), it's just my observations. Handsome men and pretty women have more choices when it comes to choosing partners - it really is as simple as that.

*not claiming to be any of these things, just chattin'

posted by dg 19 March | 21:29

What I think both you and I are trying to say is that the idea that women are somehow less superficial or susceptible to a pretty face than men is a myth.

posted by jonmc 19 March | 21:34

Some people are a certain way.
Duh.

posted by ethylene 19 March | 21:40

What I think both you and I are trying to say is that the idea that women are somehow less superficial or susceptible to a pretty face than men is a myth.

Years ago, I read about a really interesting study that indicated that as women have gained more economic power, the importance they place on their partners' appearance has increased. The general idea seemed to be that since women had been so dependent on men in order to survive, they basically had to take what they could get and make do. Now that women are getting more able, financially, to live without a husband, they can afford (literally) to be more choosy, and are starting to catch up on that whole "men are more visual" divide.

Or, in other words: Yeah, myth. :-)

posted by occhiblu 19 March | 21:47

occhi: thank you for being honest.

posted by jonmc 19 March | 21:56

Quiet weird looking guys don't average out as better boyfriends or better sex either.

posted by ethylene 19 March | 22:11

Here I am shortly after making my first deal with the devil.

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posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 19 March | 22:14

Quiet weird looking guys don't average out as better boyfriends or better sex either.

I am the exception that proves this rule. Both rules, actually.

posted by bmarkey 19 March | 22:19

You've thrown off the curve. Don't bother with the rest of the symmetrical ones, ladies.

posted by ethylene 19 March | 22:22

Yeah, jon, that's what I'm saying.

It's OK to be the exception, bmarkey - I help to balance that by being neither.

posted by dg 19 March | 22:24

Frankly, jonmc, I wouldn't have given your handsome friend a second look. You, on the other hand, I may well have. You look like you have a personality.

I've never been attracted to standard looking men. I like men whose personality shines through, and that personality needs to be a bit quirky to really attract me. Maybe it's because I'm not dominant-culture pretty and I am attracted to "what I can get" lookswise, but I suspect it's more because I like brains. (NO, not like a zombie likes BRAAAIIINNNSS, silly!) No Zoolander for me, thanks.

And one more thing: I do not fawn. I'm not sure I even flirt.

posted by lleachie 19 March | 22:39

Oh sure, a pretty boy will be more likely to get my attention at first glance. But he won't keep it unless he has more going for him than his looks. So in a bar or online dating situation, sure, the good-looking have a definite advantage. At school or work or any other situation where people get to know each other over time, it levels out.

posted by Orange Swan 20 March | 08:53

I'm actually pretty OK with myself. I'm not perfect and I'm far from being heinous.

Headshot

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and then very sweaty at Hog Days.

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posted by Stewriffic 20 March | 09:19

Hm. that didn't work, clearly.

Trying again, this time with links.

Headshot

Hog Days

Shoot. I loaded them up to photobucket, and I can post them here, but they're way too freaking big. I can't do that to y'all.

posted by Stewriffic 20 March | 09:27

(OK even in IE, I can't see any of the pix that I can't see in FF. Help? Please?)

posted by gaspode 20 March | 09:31

And, because it's too big to image here, a link to our wedding picture on the Kissing Bridge (notice, the "con" is little different than the "real"):

wedding pic

Note that my sweetie is NOT Costneresque. But he's funny, brilliant, compassionate, silly, articulate, and geeky -- all the things I want in a guy!

posted by lleachie 20 March | 10:38

*squee*

what a lovely pic, lleachie! and the green vest on your mister = awesome.

posted by gaspode 20 March | 10:43

Gaspode, it's something to do with Blogger, as far as I can tell; apparently any images uploaded to Blogger cannot be viewed unless you are on the actual page where the image was posted. The original poster usually doesn't know this, though, because their computer is reading the image from cached memory, so they see it appearing in-thread as they expect, but nobody else does. Not nice, Blogger! (Flckr and Photobucket are two free photo hosting sites I use for posting images here.)

lleachie, that is so lovely! :)

posted by taz 20 March | 10:55

(thanks, taz! I won't stress then)

posted by gaspode 20 March | 10:58

Oh sure, a pretty boy will be more likely to get my attention at first glance. But he won't keep it unless he has more going for him than his looks.

And thankfully my buddy did (heroic fireman, in a band, cop, genuinely nice guy, good sense of humor, etc). So, all other things being equal, the pretty one wins. Which is fine, it's biology more than anything else, I've concluded.

posted by jonmc 20 March | 18:40

You, on the other hand, I may well have. You look like you have a personality.

Heh.In that particular picture, I was so shithammered, I probably would've propositioned a fire hydrant. My friend was, too, but drunk looks better on him.

posted by jonmc 20 March | 18:42

Oh my god, lleachie, that dress is so beautiful, you look gorgeous in it:) (and I love the idea of the green vest, very eye-catching)

danf, I knew you looked like someone I had seen before--talk about doppelgangers--has anyone told you you resemble this guy a lot. (HUGE The Burbs and Coming Home fan here!)

Deborah and Jan could pass for sisters (so sweet!) and so could mudpuppie, goo and wimpdork (I think). Amazing.

rhapsodie, I actually like you in both of your pictures quite honestly (the second one makes you look like a real cutie pie!). Same goes for rainbaby and redvixen, although I can't see red's second photogrpah for some reason, but I know she'll be just as good looking in that one as well.

Pips looks like a girl I had a terrible crush on back in highschool... man--does that bring back memories! And specklet looks like just how I'd imagined her to be: ready to spit in your face if you try and mess with her:) I think you all look beautiful, each and every one of you.

Thank you so much for sharing these. I really appreciate it!

posted by hadjiboy 21 March | 01:20

The things that make me decent looking now are the things that made me funny looking in the past. I have a big, blocky, masculine face, high forehead, pouty lips, and bushy eyebrows that I regularly have to trim back. My skin nearly always has a sheen from the thick layer of oil it constantly exudes. That face looked reeeaaaalllll funny on a 16-year-old, and that's when I developed my self image-- a friend described my face as all nose and lips and chin. Now that I'm 40, it works, I think. Sure, some of it is just generally improved self confidence, but I do think I've grown into my looks. And the oily skin has kept away the wrinkles.

I'm really tall, 6'5", and I sometimes feel big and awkward and conspicuous. People, strangers even, come up to me and say "wow, you're so tall!" and they mean it as a compliment, but it can make me feel like a freak sometimes. It's really hard to squeeze into an airplane or Metro seat, and I know folks draw back when I move to sit next to them. Also, I tend to get sweaty, and that makes me feel really conspicuous, too.

I have always thought of myself as fat, and I am, indeed, over the generally-accepted guidelines for weight, but like richat, I'm tall and broad and carry it well, and no one seems to notice if I gain or lose 30 pounds. I was looking through some old pictures at my mom's house, and I came across one that looked exactly how I felt when I was a teenager--very overweight. Then I realized it was a picture of my brother, who outweighed me by at least 100 pounds for most of my life. Gave me chills to realize, in concrete terms, where a big part of my self image was coming from.

I still don't think I'm particularly good looking, but I do know that I have a general appearance that some women find attractive. The pony tail, I'm sure, is a negative to a big chunk of folks, men and women, in this politically-liberally but personally-conservative town (DC), but it seems to suit me, and compliments my increasingly-high forehead. At least I think so.

I was married for 10 years, ending about 10 years ago, so I was pushed into the dating world for the first time as an adult at age 30. I did a lot with online personals, and I can really see how my self confidence rose through the years. When I first started, I chose the most conventionally-attractive pictures of me I could find. As I went along, though, I started choosing candid shots, even if they weren't as flattering--I thought I was looking better, yeah, but I also developed a lot of acceptance of how I actually looked, and thought any prospective date better have that acceptance, too!

My first personal ad picture:

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My last personal ad picture:

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What it'd be today:

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posted by mrmoonpie 21 March | 12:19

How I see myself is entirely up to the day, hour, minute you ask me. Generally though, I think of myself as cute and fat. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive qualities, as most of you know I've been harping away about it because of my participation in some fat acceptance communities. I've never had particularly low self-esteem, although I have had moments of cognitive dissonance where I thought I looked good only to be brought down a notch or ten by someone who decided that I should be properly self-deprecating.

I also get lazy about primping, pruning, dolling up and other such girly activities on occasion, and when that happens I don't think "cute" really applies anymore..heh.

Here's a picture of me at a recent MeFi meetup, surrounded all my favorite TO mefites (only OrangeSwan was missing, sadly). There are alleged DaShiv pics from this night but no one has seen them as of yet. I'm the chick on the left apparently entranced by a bit of string.

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posted by SassHat 22 March | 01:39

How did I miss this thread!?

First off, essexjan, you are way way cuter than your sister. I feel like I've said that before.

Me? I see myself as a decently attractive average-looking guy. If that makes sense. I'm well aware of the flaws in my looks (my left eyebrow is almost always raised for reasons unknown a condition that is exasperated by having my picture taken; one eye has a tendency to stray slightly when partaking in certain substances or when tired; I look like a pedophile when I smile; realizing that my nose points in a different direction than the rest of my face was an astounding revelation...) but I think overall I still look good.

But with photos, I'm not sure why but I apparently put photos of myself into two categories: Unflattering and "the con" as others have posted in the thread.

I have a picture that I took for my photo class that'd be perfect for this, but by the time I have it ready to link to I fear this thread will be long since dead.

So here are two photos, one on Christmas and one on New Year's. One is me with bedhead having just woken up and not showered, the other is not.

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I'm obviously the one with the beard in both.

And hell, a semi-recent (February I think?) picture of me in my natural habitat, flipping off the photographer. It's very me, I guess.
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posted by CitrusFreak12 24 March | 22:29

19 March 2008