MetaChat - Anti-gratitude thread

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14 February 2008

Anti-gratitude thread I'm tired of feeling grateful and guilty that...→[More:]I'm not

-homeless,
-on the edge of destitution with multiple children,
-on the edge of destitution at age 70 with bad health,
-going through a divorce,
-going through the US mental health system (if it can be called that),
-dealing with the criminal justice system,
-dealing with addiction,
-dealing with domestic abuse,
-caretaking parents,
-relocating to another part of the world due to a job reassignment,
-have MS, Lupus, Hep C, any cancers, Lou Gehrig's, Grave's disease, or breathing failures that require massive doses of steroids.

I only have one friend who's not going through one or more of the above, (and it's a new development for him!)

I am so aware of how fragile every good part of my life is, that I'm afraid to do ANYthing that might jeopardize it. Including jinxing it by doing things like this post. (Nyah! Pbbbbt! So there, destiny!)

Yes, I am a weenie and an ingrate. Thank you for listening. That is all.

post by: small_ruminant at: 13:40 | 6 comments

I know what you mean. I have one friend I feel like I have to be miss suzy sushine around since the second I say anything less than cheerful I get bitched at since at least I'm not in Kenya/dying of aids/ insert cause celeb here. And it's like, hey, I'm just miffed they're out of avocados at the deli. I FUCKING KNOW I'm better off than people fleeing genocide. Does that mean I should cartwheel out when they charge me for avocados and don't give them since they're out? sheesh.

posted by kellydamnit 14 February | 13:47

aww, s_r, for what it's worth, I totally get you.

There was an article in the NYT (I think?) yesterday about how the authour was ready to just embrace his/her blues and how everyone else was going to just have to shut up and deal with it. I get where that's coming from too, totally. Why shouldn't we have the luxury to feel sad / angry / uncharitable when we want to? Most of us are really pretty-well adjusted, and if we didn't have all this HUGE GUILT shoved on us about feeling that way, I bet we'd all be a lot healthier.

I think one of the most fucked-up things about society (especially U.S. society) is that it puts this Major Expectation on us all that we have The Right To Happiness. I mean, ffs, it's in our Bill of Rights or whatever. It's like it's some kind of Manifest Destiny that You Will Be Happy... or ELSE! whatever, fuck it, I prolly don't know what I'm blathering about, but anyway, if it helps, I sympathise.

posted by lonefrontranger 14 February | 13:47

heh- thanks. My friends and family aren't guilt-tripping me; I'm doing it all to myself. They're (mostly) being Brave and Upbeat.

Tangent: is acting cheerful at all times so as not to depress other people a trait specific to California? Someone told me it was, but I'm sceptical.

posted by small_ruminant 14 February | 14:12

Yeah, I thoroughly get this. Just because we're lucky (and I'm not denying that for an instant!) enough to have so many blessings in our lives... well, that doesn't mean you can't be allowed to gripe once in a while. It's probably healthy to vent your frustrations.

Me, I'm kinda sick of Pollyanna-ing a particular trouble in my life. [Bad thing] happened a year ago, and it caused [unfortunate lingering result]. When family and friends ask how I'm doing, my stock response is, "Oh, I can't complain. It could have been so much worse." Indeed, it's amazing that it wasn't so much worse.

But... y'know, it was pretty sucky anyway, and I universally shouldn't stifle my complaints.

small_ruminant, feel free to vent those complaints here. Man, are bunnies good people!

posted by Elsa 14 February | 15:24

Elsa- so true. If it weren't for mecha I'd have exploded 50 times over by now.

There's a certain amount of unjustified indignation. Good housing and health should be the norm, damnit- not anomalies!

Not that it's ever been that way in history probably, but it should be!

posted by small_ruminant 14 February | 15:43

I think one of the most fucked-up things about society (especially U.S. society) is that it puts this Major Expectation on us all that we have The Right To Happiness.

Well, if you wanna get technical, we have the right to the Pursuit of Happiness.

But happiness can be a little elusive, y'know?

There's no guarantee that we'll catch the little bugger.

posted by jason's_planet 14 February | 19:38

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