The Pathos Cafe. One long counter, a few tables with rickety chairs, 3 booths with cuts in the upholstery, sort of fixed with duct tape. It's dirty and the one fluorescent light fixture is barely hanging from a flyspecked ceiling, buzzing ominously and flickering on and off. The waitress is smoking and crying in the corner; the coffee is thin and room temperature; the cook is throwing things. There's a 3 legged dog chained up behind the kitchen, snarling. And the menu? They're out of everything except scrapple and limp white toast with margarine.

Day's End, which the regulars refer to lovingly as the "Daze Inn". The decor is quirky-eclectic, with lots of polished wood and brass fittings from ships scavenged from a nearby harbor. There are no furnishings under 70 years old (not counting the patrons, but even then...), and even the china is that wonderful heavy, old, white, crazed diner crockery. There are bookshelves full of well-used books and games, and a big stone fireplace in the back ofthe room surrounded by comfy, cushy couches and chairs. The entire front is made of French windows that are open in nice weather, so it feels like you are sitting in a sidewalk cafe (people-watching is a favored sport at Day's End). One wall is an ongoing mural depicting the regular patrons and special events of Day's End which began as a doodle drawn on the wall by one of the regulars 30 years ago. The legend is that when the mural is finished, the Day's End will cease to be, and as result it has become quite intricate and detailed, without ever quite reaching the end. You know you have arrived when you find your own face in the mural.

Sedonuts. Donuts made in Sedona AZ. They are served on dreamcatchers and a new ager rubs a crystal on your forehead while you eat it.

International House of Shatner. Pankirks + sausage pricelinks.com = Spocks in a Blanket. Tribble Fudge Sundaes for desert. And every plate, when you've cleaned it off, features the smiling visage of Bill himself—and is yours to take home for only $3.

Teen Idols. All the waiters are cute, feminine looking teenage boys. The walls are plastered with posters from Teen Beat. Junk food menu.

Not to be picky, Miko, but I'm pretty sure that Dirty Dancing took place in the Catskills.

Well I'm not above being picky. I think amro is right about the Catskills, which means that borscht must be served.

My own entry is Stand Up! Brick walls and signed glossies of comedic "talents" you've never heard of. Servers introduce the daily special by saying "What's the deal with surf and turf? I mean, who wants a meal of salt water and dirt? Amirite?" Two drink minimum; don't forget to tip your waitress.

I've always thought there should be an answer to Hooters' Restaurants. Menu could be the same (wings, burgers, etc) but all the waiters would be well-built, good-looking guys in tight white t-shirts and denim shorts. The mascot would be a rooster, and the restaurant would be named Peckers.

PECKERS! ::dies laughing::

MetaChateau: we serve beans. Plates and plates of beans. Five bucks, no substitutions please.

Meat'n'Cookies. Confectionery treats with your choice of Hot Fudge or BBQ sauce. House brand ice cream is available, with flavors like Chuckeye-Chip Quagmire and Porterhouse Pecan Praline. Our house brand coffee - which includes Black Angus Almondine Espresso - is Fair Trade Certified. Employees wear pin-striped polos with bow ties. Kids and seniors get half-price discounts on Bacon Biscuits and Macadamian Mutton Muffins.

Five bucks, no substitutions please.

Are you sure that isn't twenty bucks, same as in town? With a side of pancakes?

we need the "favorites" feature in metachat.

Combination Mexican Restaurant and Comedy Club: Taco My Wife Please!

Cheap Diner Food Prepared on a Grill at Your Table: DennyHana

The Hard Drive Cafe, like the Hard Rock, but dedicated to Tech Nerds with famous computers on display instead of guitars.

And, of course, drive-thru oriental finger foods, dim sum, egg rolls and mu shu wraps, served from a building made up to look like a Chinese junk. Yep, Junk Food.

Half seriously, I always thought a luncheon-based chain serving sandwiches, salads and soups should have the name Fingers, Fork and Spoon, Esq.

Leftovers, where everything served is directly from a local radius. Mrs. Havermeyer's Mac 'n' Cheese, because her ungrateful brats filled up on Hot Pockets before dinner. The Stockton's volunteered Lasagna, because they're going out of town. And for dessert - Grandma Toomkin's Peach Cobbler, because she made three of them. Also - flat soda, soggy salad and partially stale rolls. Everything is microwaved together and served on paper plates. Everyone gets their own TV tray, and keep it down - Mama's Family is on.

Trannyshack, a karaoke diner where all the waitresses are on rollerskates. The karaoke accompaniment is supplied by a live five-piece band composed of the usual lookalikes: Cher on lead guitar, Gwen Stefani on drums, Bea on bass, Judy tickling the ivories, and Whitney on trombone. Trannyshack only accepts reservations if at least one person in your party agrees to sing.

Look for my next joint opening this month, "Italics".

HIGH CHAIR

All dishes are served in deep round bowls, all ingredients, from lobster tails to waffles, are either pre-made as, or cut into, bite size pieces. The components of every meal are arranged together within the one bowl per person and the only eating implement is a nice big spoon. The comfortably padded chairs have foot rests and arm rests, with an eating tray that can be brought close to the body or pushed away for more room. The arms of the chairs can swing in close or be swept to a more open position, and have cup holders. The napkins are a soft flannel with silk trimming. If you drop your spoon, an attendant immediately hands you a fresh one.

Darn, Catskills. Catskills Boathouse.