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28 November 2007

Makeover Madness I’m working on fixing up the basement apartment in my house these days so I can get it rented out. [More:]I think if I’m to be a landlady I will need a makeover. I’ll have to go about in housedresses and worn out fuzzy slippers, with my stockings in rolls around my ankles, and stop shaving my legs. I’ll wear my hair in curlers with a chiffon scarf tied around it, though curlers will fall out everywhere anyway, along with my teeth. My boobs will have to meld into my stomach. I’ll wear blue eyeshadow and fuchsia lipstick, and a cigarette will perpetually hang out of the side of my mouth. I’ll have to change my diction and personality, and say things like, “Whaddya want?” and “Jaysus, is the crapper clogged up again? Whaddya eat for breakfast, a bale of hay?” and “Didja see any of my knickers in the laundry room? They been disappearing on me.”

Hmm. It might be simpler just to be a landlord, which would merely involve my growing some back hair and buying a toolbelt.
I think you should also only speak in Chinese. And be a Kung Fu master.

*loves the landlady from Kung Fu Hustle*
posted by gomichild 28 November | 12:35
Just make sure you pick a paint color for the walls that clearly was left over in the clearance bin. Shows you care. Perhaps use one of those institutional colors we had on the concrete block walls in elementary school would do the trick.
posted by mightshould 28 November | 13:16
Excellent idea, might should!

I also must acquire the 8 mangy cats and the yappy little dog, which I will name Smartie Blue.

Landlords also have to have plumber butt (so you can see exactly where the back hair does NOT stop).
posted by Orange Swan 28 November | 13:58
Butt crack:
So, you're going for the landlord, not landlady effect?

Be sure to save up some inappropriate comments about their stuff. Things that indicate you're snooping around when they're out. Channel your creepy side.
posted by mightshould 28 November | 14:08
And be sure to knock of a bit or rent in exchange for any
"services" that your studly tenant can provide.
posted by danf 28 November | 14:08
Pick the shades of blue, pink, green or off-white that are supposed to make you feel studious in school, healthy in hospitals, and contrite in prison.
posted by plinth 28 November | 14:30
So, you're going for the landlord, not landlady effect?


I really can't decide which I should go for - they both seem equally appealing.
posted by Orange Swan 28 November | 14:58
I think you should go for the Mrs Furley thing where you're interested in the (not) gay roommate, thinking that he is gay and wanting to convert him. It'll make great teevee.
posted by eekacat 28 November | 19:30
I think you should mix it up - butt crack and curlers.
posted by deborah 29 November | 02:03
Wall paper with colonial scenes would be nice in the bathroom.
posted by StickyCarpet 29 November | 09:55
I think you should mix it up - butt crack and curlers.


You're right - this is one situation where I can have it all, and damn the torpedoes! I'm going to start working on growing that back hair too!
posted by Orange Swan 29 November | 12:04
Today's shocking confession || Rocking Chairs

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