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07 June 2007
THIS IS A SHOUTING THREAD→[More:]WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH KILL KILL KILL
*strips naked, pees around porch, then dances around screaming 'ooga booga'*
I FELL ASLEEP AT 8:30 LAST NIGHT, THEN PIPS WOKE ME UP AT 11:30 TO KILL THIS HUGE ASS ROACH IN THE BATHROOM!! HE WAS BIG BUT HE MOVED REAL SLOW SO MAYBE HE WAS DRUNK OR SOMETHING!! I DROPPED THE ROLLING STONE JAZZ & BLUES RECORD GUIDE ON HIM AND THEN FLUSHED THE LITTLE BASTARD DOWN THE TERLET!!
THIS MORNING I HAD TO GO TO FOR DIFFERENT STORES TO FIND CLEAR PLASTIC GARBAGE BAGS SO I COUND BAG UP THE ACCUMULATION OF BEER EMPTIES ON THE COUNTER!! WHEN I TOLD THE COUNTERLADY THIS, SHE SEEMED UNIMPRESSED!! OR SHE COULDN'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH VERY WELL, I'M NOT SURE!!
I'M TRAINING AN ARMY OF ANTS TO ATTACK MY COMPUTER WITH FORMIC ACID UNTIL IT EXPLODES, THEN I'LL POUR A PINT OF MY OWN BLOOD ON THE SMOKING REMAINS SO THE WHOLE OFFICE SMELLS SO BAD THAT WE ALL GET EVACUATED AND GO HOME EARLY!
eh, no reason. just seems like a good jumping off point, and dancing naked on a porch in Queens would probably land one in jail, so it's fun to pretend I'm shocking the squares. or something.
I NOW KNOW WHICH DEFINITION OF "STRANGE" JONMC MEANT!!!! I WANTED TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH TALKING TO ESSEXJAN AT THE MEETUP, BUT CIRCUMSTANCES PREVENTED IT!!! JUNKPROS DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT TOOLS TO REMOVE MY FRIDGE, BUT THE SUPER AGREED TO TAKE IT---THOUGH THE SPOILED PRINCE AND HIS WIFE STILL NEED TO LET A PICTURE BE TAKEN OF THEIR HALLWAY BEFORE THE WORK CAN START. GRABBING SOMEONE KNOWN TO BE DEVOTED TO THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS FUCKING AMORAL AND BEING DRUNK IS NOT AN EXCUSE!!!!!
AFTER TELLING MY BOYFRIEND LAST NIGHT THAT I'M MOVING AWAY WITHOUT HIM (AND WOW, DID THAT SUCK) I DRANK A GREAT MANY STRAIGHT SHOTS OF TANQUERAY RANGPUR GIN! AND OH MY GOD I AM SO HUNGOVER TODAY THAT MY TEETH HURT!
I ALSO DRANK RANGPUR GIN LAST NIGHT! AND THEN POSSIBLY TOO MUCH RED WINE! THIS MORNING SEEMED LIKE IT WAS GOING TO SUCK, BUT THEN THE "FACTUAL INFORMATION ONLY" THREAD CHEERED ME UP CONSIDERABLY!
kat, I'm sorry things were so hard, but good for you for telling him. Good luck to both of you.
NOW I WANT SOME GIN. AND TONIC. AND I WANT TO BE ON THE ROOF OF MY FLAT IN 4TH YEAR COLLEGE WITH AMANDA, WHO WAS MY GIN-DRINKING BUDDY AND WE WOULD SIT ON THE ROOF AND WATCH THE WORLD GO BY AND DRINK GIN AND...well that's pretty much it.
DEAR MISTER CRABBYBRITCHES, WHY IS IT THAT YOU FEEL COMPELLED TO BE A DICK TO THE RECEPTIONIST EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU CALL HERE?! I SWEAR IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT PEOPLE WON'T ANSWER THEIR PHONES! LOOK, I HAVE BEEN UNFAILINGLY PATIENT AND POLITE TO YOUR SNAPPY ASS, NOT TO MENTION I JUST TRANSFERRED YOU SIX DIFFERENT WAYS: TO HIS DESK, TO HIS ASSISTANT, TO HIS PARTNER, TO HIS CELL PHONE, PAGED THE GUY TWICE, THEN GAVE YOU HIS EMAIL ADDRESS AND OUR FAX NUMBER. NO, I CANNOT LET YOU HOLD UNTIL HE ANSWERS, AS NOT ONLY HAVE I BEEN EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN TO DO THIS BY MANAGEMENT, FOR YOUR INFORMATION THIS IS A FRICKIN SWITCHBOARD, WHICH MEANS THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE STUCK ON HOLD WHILE YOU BITCH AT ME. SORRY, BUDDY THERE'S THREE OTHER LINES RINGING AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHERE HE SITS, OR WHICH FLOOR HE'S ON, OR HONESTLY EVEN IF HIS LINE IS BUSY, SINCE IT'S PAINFULLY OBVIOUS THEY HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS RECEPTION CONSOLE SINCE THE CARTER ADMINISTRATION. NO, I'M REALLY SORRY, HE DIDN'T TELL ME WHEN HE'D BE BACK, BUT TO BE HONEST I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN THE GUY AND I COULDN'T ID HIM IF YOU HELD A GUN TO MY HEAD. JUST SO'S YOU KNOW, THIS HAPPENS TO BE A 250-PERSON OFFICE SPREAD OVER FOUR FLOORS OF A DOWNTOWN TOWER SO PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF LITTLE GREEN APPLES, JUST LEAVE A FUCKING VOICEMAIL AND GO AWAY!!!!
BOO ON PEOPLE LIKE THAT, LONEFRONTRANGER! SOME PEOPLE TAKE THE PHONE SO SERIOUSLY, I DON'T GET IT. A CALL IS A REQUEST TO TALK, NOT AN ORDER- IF THE PERSON ISN'T AVAILABLE, THEY AREN'T AVAILABLE!!!!
YES, HUGH, YOU ARE RIGHT, SLANDER TOTALLY SUCKS.
I AM DONE STABBING PEOPLE IN THE FACE, BECAUSE IT IS APPROACHING LUNCHTIME.
THAT WAS A VERY DISAPPOINTING LEPRECHAUN STORY, AND I FEAR THE FORT WORTH POLICE NEED MORE IMAGINATION! OR LESS! I AM UNSURE WHICH WAY THEIR IMAGINATION SHOULD GO!!!
psst, katallison - my gramps hangover cure = a big glass of sparkling water, juice of one lime, 3 drops of angostura bitters -- use this as a chaser to 2-3 caps of your favourite analgesic; works like a charm
GOOD THING I BURNED MY DICK OFF WITH A BLOWTORCH LAST WEEK! LONEFRONTRANGER'S RAID REALLY TAKES THE SKIN OFF. TOO BAD I STILL HAD BALLS LEFT BECAUSE MY SCROTES ARE FLAKING OFF LIKE FROSTED BREAKFAST CEREAL. THERE'S NOTHING LIKE DYING ANTS CHEWING ON MY EXPOSED VAS DEFERENS TO WAKE ME UP AFTER A DELICIOUS PIZZA LUNCH!
GOOD THING I'M NOT FRUSTRATED BY AN ACCESS MAKETABLE QUERY RIGHT NOW!
WHILE WE'RE SHOUTING, WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET SOME NEW PICTURES ON THE FRONT PAGE????? I MEAN, POOR FRISBEEGIRL HAS DIED OF ETOH POISIONING SEVERAL TIMES BY NOW, AND I CAN'T CAST RESURRECT ON HER ANY MORE BECAUSE I'M OUT OF MANA!!!!!
I AM SO MISERABLE AT HOME BUT HE DOESNT MOVE OUT FOR THREE MORE WEEKS! AND I ATE ALL MY ROOMMATES ICE CREAM WHILE HE WAS OUT OF TOWN AND NOW I HAVE TO REPLACE IT! AND I KEEP HAVING NIGHTMARES ABOUT CAR ACCIDENTS. AND MY MOUTH TASTES BAD!
I'M SO BUSY AT WORK I HARDLY HAVE ANY TIME TO SURF THE INTERNET AND IT'S ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE OVER THE NEXT WEEK. ALSO, I HAVE PMS AND WISH TO EITHER KILL PEOPLE OR SOB UNCONTROLLABLY. POSSIBLY BOTH SIMULTANEOUSLY. AND MY STOMACH HURTS AND I ATE TOO MUCH FOR LUNCH AND I FEEL LIKE JABBA THE HUT IF JABBA THE HUT WAS WEARING SUPREMELY UNFLATTERING YET TOTALLY COMFORTABLE YOGA PANTS THAT ARE JUST EXACTLY THE WRONG AMOUNT TOO SHORT.
OFFICE POLITICS MAKE ME STRESSED OUT AND SICK TO MY STOMACH! WHY DO GROWN MEN WHO'VE BEEN WORKING PROFESSIONALLY FOR LONGER THAN I'VE BEEN ALIVE RESORT TO ACTING LIKE 14 YEAR OLD GIRLS THE MINUTE THEY GET THE CHANCE? JESUS, LETS RESOLVE OUR DIFFERENCES LIKE ADULTS!
ALSO, I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING SECRETARY, SO IF YOU ASK ME TO TRANSCRIBE SHIT FOR YOU ONE MORE TIME, I'LL TAKE IT UP WITH MY BOSS.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
