Dear Coreys: why are you so lame?

MetaFilter's only got 51000 members, and the Coreys - there's a quarter million of 'em, right?

And the answer to jonmc's question: "why are you so lame?" is obvious... They're named COREY fergunnisssake; even Wendell is a cooler name than that.

Dear Coreys,

Which one of you wears your sunglasses at night?




What? That's another Corey? Jesus how many of you are there?

Perhaps we'll finally get an answer to the Monkeys Vs. Bears debate.

Dear Coreys,
Could a typical young man, armed only with a knife, (say, six or eight inches long) be trained to consistently "win" fights with a grizzly bear? Assume no element of surprise.

Assume nothing.

What are some words that rhyme with Corey?

Honky Dory.

That one dood must have been totally stoked when LOTR came in at the clutch moment, 11 years since he'd had any work, and signed his has-been ass onto international classic. He's feeding his kids at last. Maybe even climbing out of debt. I can think of no greater redemption for an 80s heart-throb than getting fat and leveraging it to play your heart out as Samwise Gamgee.

Oh shit. Wrong 80s heart-throb. Sorry, Cory. Good luck with that Microsoft thing. Keep holdin' out. Maybe they'll give you a bit part when "License to Drive" gets remade. And I'm sure all kinds of work is headed your way when the 80s come back. Let's hope you're not an octogenarian by then.

(actually, let's hope you are - we don't need the 80s again anytime soon)

Aw, c'mon bunnies, play nice. They're only trying to make a living.

You shut up, Internet! You shut up and you die!

Sincerely,
Scorey Feldman, Windy City Rollers