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I've been one bullet shy of a bullet to the head for a couple of months, now. Today is no exception. But cheer up. It could be worse. You could be Rosie O'Donnell's publicist.
Something terrible happened at work today, some terrible things were said to me and about me, and some of them are probably true. I was shaking in the bathroom for awhile, and my stomach is still all knotted up. I want to go home. I want to quit, but I really can't.
Without a doubt. Very, very down, and for a while now.
Today hasn't been helped by the fact that the coffee I so desperately scrounged this morning turned out to be decaf...a fact I did not discover until, at 2 PM, I started wondering why I still didn't feel awake and suddenly remembered that the coffee container I used was not happy red but evil green.
Without a doubt. Very, very down, and for a while now.
Today hasn't been helped by the fact that the coffee I so desperately scrounged this morning turned out to be decaf...a fact I did not discover until, at 2 PM, I started wondering why I still didn't feel awake and suddenly remembered that the coffee container I used was not happy red but evil green.
Today has been classified as the most depressing, unhappiest, miserable day of the year. I'm "blue" today. How about you?
Thank god it's not just me.
It turns out to be true, what they say. Misery does love company. And it also laughs in said company's face. So to all of you, I say, "Ha! At least it's not just me! Suckas."
I'm doing ok. It's sunny. I have good organic non-decaf coffee and a nice cigarette and I'm actually considering going out to ride all the legs of the Portland MAX in one go 'cause I'm bored, and I can catch up on some music listening I need to do for a project.
But I probably won't 'cause that involves actually turning off the computer and walking away from it.
Also, I don't make "new years resolutions" because they're silly and pointless and you can make a promise to yourself (and maybe even keep it) any day of the year, and you don't have to go telling everyone.
So, yeah, low expectations = pleasant surprises, pretty much.
I am having a very nice day. It has finally warmed up here and the sun is shining and it stays lighter for a few seconds longer each day. I had a yummy sandwich for lunch at home with the cats and kept the doors wide open while I was there. It is a slow day in the office so I have time to check in on the bunnies and even sew some more on my bunny craft. I made one for the bunny exchange over the weekend, but I am making another and I opted for a different silhouette on the second one which is a million times better. I think it is a beautimous day.
Yes, blue. Sorta left over from yesterday which was beyond blue. Yesterday was like the black abyss of loneliness and abandonment, but after hours of crying and some sleep, things are looking better.
For two days, I've been waiting for a call from the mayor of a major US city for a story I'm working on. She finally called just now, and I accidentally hung up on her while trying to put her on speakerphone. Oops.
It's embarrassing and unprofessional to hang up on the mayor.
I got shit canned today, but so what. The job was to wrap up end of January. It was the 4th day. The days were 12 hours long to meet the deadline.
It all started seemingly innocently enough, I made a joke.
The labourer said someone spilt something on the floor and it was wet here and there. I walked out of the room at the time and said "oops, my colostomy bag broke".
The labourer ran down to the boss and said that I spit on the floor. Could she have said spit on the floor instead of what I heard, spilt¿
I lost it. WHAT./ I never, did you see me do it¿ no. Then why would you say that¿ Her husband, another helper got right in my grill, "Don't you yell at my wife".
"I have an issue with liars who accuse me of something I didn't do". I've been in that room painting and when would I have done that then¿
The boss tells me to stop and drop it. Fine.
Back to work I went. A short while later, the labourer comes up to me and apologizes for that. I say, no worries, that's big of you to apologize and I accept. It's forgotten.
A half hour later, I go up to rinse a rag and tell my partner everything worked out fine, we're all over it and she apologized and said she was under pressure, everyone was.
The boss steps from around the corner ]the snool =snoop + fool[ and says "I heard that", and what am I doing up here, not working. I explained.
"I'm paying you to work, not socialize".
So he fired me. You went out for a smoke at 9:20. I said yes, but I don't drive off to the washroom in the car like others, I'm more productive than others and it's a you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Guess he didn't like me anyways. He's going to give me my pay to my buddy.
Tomorrow I'll call up the Safety Standards Branch Construction and mention there's no portopotty, no safety railing in the stairs, which is a fact.
I've seen the boss tear a strip off of a few other tradespersons. Nasty bit of business, he is. This home he's fixed up will be selling for 1.5 Million.
An actor who was painting there too, was doing the tiling in the loo, the tiles are not square and lined up.
WooHa. It's already sold.
Nice day eh¿
Actually it was.
I won't be shit on and don't need to work for someone who just wants to be right and logic does not enter the equation.
I won't mention the other day when I turned around and sang "Slap My Bitch Up" as the bosses wife walks from around the corner. On a Saturday. The floor layers had an ipod cranked. It was an unfortunate set of circumstances, it was an instrumental playing at the time. I explained, I'm singing to the song playing now.
Like she'd know.
Understand, there's a lot of singing going on all day. I told the lads, no more Prodigy, ok¿
I'm just tired. The kid had off school all last week and then today because the roads are icy. Lugging around an extra 20lbs is really taking its toll, as is the accompanying anemia. The insomnia is at its worse--I got about 2 hours last night. Physically, I'm just kind of worn the hell out.
BUT my girly has been extra sensitive and kind. I'll occasionally nod off involuntarily and wake up to her taking off my glasses and covering me with her favorite blanket. Or waiting to show me a family portrait she drew. (Daddy and I are always depicted holding hands because we "love each other A LOT.") Life is good. I shouldn't complain.
It's raining now. It's cold and dreary. I am in a dark living room babysitting my autistic nephew while my sister tutors a girl with a bad case of Tourette's. I have a hacking cough that won't go away. I have acne that is reminiscent of a 14-year-old girl's.
But I'm not blue!
My 6-year old finally learned how to ride his bike today. My husband and I were hooting and hollering like we won the Publisher's Clearing House. All is right with the world.
Generally fine on this end. Re-pinched a nerve in my neck over the weekend whilst hunched over the computer on Saturday working on my infernal freelance project, but other than that I can't complain: went out Saturday night with friends, then spent most of Sunday with my boyfriend, which was a treat -- he works multiple jobs at such crazy hours that we almost never see each other over the weekend until late Sunday night at all, so that was awesome (including the part where we fooled around till the wee small hours of the morning). Much later this morning, I went to my orthodontist, who says I only have to wear my retainer at night now. Sweet.
A little irritated at work; 6 of the 8 authors for the book I'm editing are now more than 2 weeks late turning in their texts. So, you know, there's that. On the other hand, it does mean I have time to post on MeCha!
Got to work 10 minutes late after a minor "how the hell did that sugar glider get into the back of the washing machine and how do I get her out" incident. Sat down at 9.10am, fired up the PC and, barring a few trips to the coffee machine, didn't get off my seat until I left work at 7.45pm. Re-wrote a lot of other people's fairly crappy code and in doing so managed to improve the workflow of about 30 people. Got home, got a couple of cool emails, gifted my brother a MeFi account, went for a ~7 mile run, got back, put on the My Morning Jacket live album and started typing this. This is all pretty-much good.
Got screwed for £100 that I had planned for something else. This is bad.
So, on balance, today has been pretty good. If the rest of the week is as good as today, this week should turn out waaaaaaay better than I was expecting.
Hmm. I had a good day. I had my blue day(s) already in December pretty much. Today was a bright and sunny Colorado blue sky day. Got to go out and play with Silver, and I got in a nice nap. I'm fairly happy considering everything.
Yeah, I've been angst ridden all weekend and particularly today, so it's good to know I'm not alone. I'm all blue about stupid shit that is nothing new - and last week I fell down & hurt my knee really badly & so I basically have barely been able to walk for 5 days and that's depressing the hell out of me. I had to spend the weekend in bed & I'm tired of being there alone. Bah. Stupid, but I never had a bad knee before and it's been kind of eye opening in a really horrible way. And then I can achieve blues misery depression nirvana by beating up on myself first for doing one dumb thing and then for beating up on myself and then for beating up on myself for beating up on myself etc. ad nauseam. Also the puppy has decided he's not housetrained anymore. God.
I think I default to blue anyway, but there was a problem set due today and I spent the whole weekend agonizing about it and couldn't figure any of them out and basically turned in a bunch of unanswered problems and scribbles.
Then I was all ready to drive off and find some coffee to curl up with, and then I remembered I was supposed to have office hours today (I don't get an office though, I have to commandeer a desk in the hall) and just barely made it back to campus on time. And only one kid showed up (at least someone showed up) and I couldn't really answer his questions because I've only been at this place two weeks and still don't quite know how things work.
and this isn't even any of the programs i've been stressing about applications for, long story, remind me in IRC if you're interested
And finally I was grading papers, and some of these kids haven't yet learned to staple multiple pages together, so I bring out my stapler which of course is gaping open from bouncing around in my bookbag, and in the process of snapping it into position it shoots a staple into my thumb and now there's a little lump on my thumbnail where it almost came out the other side.
casarkos - one of my greatest joys when I had to grade freshman math sets was to take the unstapled pages, grade them, then completely staple them closed, all the way around the 4 sides. Most students got the point pretty quickly.
Of course, this is just cruel if you're a high school teacher/grader. However, at the college level, anything short of personal attacks is OK! Well, depending on the prof, I suppose. I did know one grader who was fired for writing "Dumb Dumb Dumb!" on the top of a particularly egregious problem set.
I have no brake on thoughts spilling out. I need to be more aware of the environment and situation and keep my mouth shut.
Call it a tad naive that some people just hate for any number of reasons. What one knows or looks or anything.
As my friend pointed out, you didn't fit in. No kidding. The kid boss may have a deadline but my skill and speed isn't really what he wanted. I think it's about the control instead. I make a bad slave. An uppity one.
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
