And why don't I ever get any vagina-related spam? What's up with that?

What was the send date on the email? :)

All the spam I get has become devious in all respects to avoid spam filter. They're inventing a version of the English language all their own.

Good Day To You!!

Are you feeling shy in the sack because of your teeny-tiny vagina?? Do you feel depressed because of your insignificant labia? Now here's the perfect solution for you - Growgina. Try Growgina, and you'll be able to wear your vagina like a scarf!

It'll never sell with the name Growgina.

I suggest Flapia.

Oh hell, iconomy, I read that as "a semi-hard-on in your sack" and had to pause to contemplate what that would be like.

(waiting for tps to chime in with her GIRL BONER chant)

Whatever Iconomy, you're a viral marketeer, playing the ole "hey, check out this spam I got from Viagra"...the game is up my friend, we're on to you.

TPS and the Bonerettes!

Here's the best spam I've received in the past few months:

Subject: As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

Date: Wed, 24 May 2006 18:50:16 -0400

Greetings!

*******[dot]com

---- my life, I shudder and curse and bitterly regret it.... Yes." "What would you have? The world's made so," said Stepan Arkadyevitch. "The one comfort is like that prayer, which I always liked: 'Forgive me not according to my unworthiness, but according to Thy lovingkindness.' That's the only way she can forgive me." Chapter 11 Levin emptied his glass, and they were silent for a while. "There's one other thing I ought to tell you. Do you know Vronsky?" Stepan Arkadyevitch asked Levin. "No, I don't. Why do you ask?" "Give us another bottle," Stepan Arkadyevitch directed the Tatar, who was filling up their glasses and fidgeting round them just when he was not wanted. "Why you ought to know Vronsky is that he's one of your rivals." "Who's Vronsky?" said Levin, and his face was suddenly transformed from the look of childlike ecstasy which Oblonsky had just been admiring to an angry and unpleasant expression. "Vronsky is one of the sons of Count Kirill Ivanovitch Vronsky, and one of the finest specimens of the gilded youth of Petersburg. I made his acquaintance in Tver when I was there on official business, and he came there for the levy of recruits. Fearfully rich, handsome, great connections, an aide-de-camp, and with all that a very nice, good-natured fellow. But he's more than simply a good-natured fellow, as I've found out here--he's a cultivated man, too, and very intelligent; he's a man who'll make his mark." Levin scowled and was dumb. "Well, he turned up here soon after you'd gone, and as I can see,

This is the most interesting one I found in my trash . . a mashup, of sorts.

From: Charles
Subject: Any med for your girl to be happy!

Hi,
C i A L / S
X & N A X
V / A G R A
V A L / U M
P R O Z & C
L E V / T R A
A M B / E N
M E R / D / A
S O M &
http://heresmuc.com/?a=1652






We just took too much for granted. We didn't challenge our basic assumptions," Hayden said.
g the presence of weapons of mass destruction there.
He said that since launching the program a month after the terror attacks, targeting decisions have been made by policymakers in the U.S. government who are most knowledagble about al-Qaida.
Hayden also acknowledged a series of intelligence failures in the months preceding the U.S. attack on Iraq and promised that if confirmed by the Senate he would take steps to guard against a repeat of such errors.
Hayden was grilled closely on the administration's post-Sept. 11 eavesdropping activities and whether they compromised privacy rights of Americans.

Wow. Both of those are actually intriguing. Almost poetic.

I just got another SPUR-M email!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

From Milo Callahan

Subject: Your future, moon-whitened

Body:

Within the adlt industry, it's no secret porn stars use supplements to help them cum more.

Along with numerous stars that use our product, thousands of men
have increased their sperm volume with our formula. If you've ever
wanted to cum like a porn star, SPUR-M will get you there.

(We are endorsed by DavyD, renowned in the porn industry
for the amount he ejaculates! this is all thanks to SPUR-M)

SPUR-M has an impressive history.

New england Pan-buddhism off-glide par excellence mosquito boat oven builder padge owl paper carrier pain-wrought Nankeen yellow motto kiss nail hole mulga grass moot court silk-and-waterism meter rate orange grower Oldham coupling net necrosis Oswego tea metanil yellow night-blowing never-ending ygen-acetylene cutting pale-eared parting chisel old witch grass mis-strike muscle-building nine-eyes O-gee O-shaped office building missionary weed pass master myosin fibrin nigh-drowned negrohead beech peace-trained night song moose-misse moisture-resisting open-timbered mild silver protein oil refiner

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I am so in love with the phrase "Your future, moon-whitened". Also, "Silk And Waterism". These emails are great.

Oh, and why all the random words at the bottoms of these emails? What purpose do they serve - anyone know?

Who DOES them?

I am assuming that non-English speakers type them. . .are they contracted in third world countries. . .people in sweatshops cranking them out like soccer balls?

CONCOCKS! . . . omiewise stumbled upon the The Kingdom of Stuffed Animals (Click the letters and then the 'jokes' for the longest strings) while stroking the longboat one day.

Man, I wished I got Tolstoy in my spam.

Well, the meat-packing industry being what it is, you never know, kmellis.

You know, I read the title, "As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing," as very Tolstoiian as well.

I am also bemused by the very opposite sort of spamail I often get: just an empty message body - nothing. No text, no image, no attachment. What is the purpose of this? SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME!

Do they think I will be so intrigued that I will look at the originating domain name, then go type it into my browser? I won't.

Also, it's not a mistake on their part (I think), because I get these all the time.

I got this one last week from someone called Neateye: Call out Gouranga be happy!
Gouranga Gouranga Gouranga...
That which brings the highest happiness

and that was it. No link, no attachment, no nothing. Just gouranga. I am still puzzled.

Is that anything like calling out Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice? Be very careful about this, mgl...

I am so tempted to invoke the power of Gouranga...

I'm trying so hard to keep a straight face right now. A female coworker in her 60s and the male owner (40s) just had a perfectly serious and pleasant conversation about a classic Jeep that's parked across the street, for sale. They were looking out the window, standing next to my desk.

Owner: Check out the jeep that's for sale....nice.
Coworker: Ooooo a woody!! I love woodies!
Owner: Yeah, me too. I used to have one, years ago.
Coworker: I always wanted a woody! Are you sure this is an old one? I've seen a lot of them lately. They're always popping up all over the place.
Owner: Yeah, it's old. They don't make woodies anymore. I wanted to keep mine, but Jill hates them, so I had to get rid of it. I miss it though...it got a lot of attention when I took it out.


I SWEAR this conversation just took place. I am not making this up. Lots of penis-related things are happening in my life right now. Like my co-worker said, these things just keep popping up.

I've never had Tolstoyan content, but a few years ago I did get spam addressed from Anna Karenina. The subject was "I got a little drunk at this party."

Around the same time I also got one from Dorian Gray, subject: "Look ten years younger!"

This recent one, though not really comparable, still seems worth quoting somehow: "With our Spermamax your ejaculation will remind you of bubbling fountains."

Aaaaagh. Ico, I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying. For reals. (Actually, my eyes are stinging from the laughing. And the crying. This is really funny, but also kind of uncomfortable.)

mg, I've gotten that Gouranga one before. I looked it up, and from what I can remember, it's not commercial, and it's been around a long time. Evidently, it's just somebody who really thinks that calling out "Gouranga" can help make you very, very happy.

Oh, and why all the random words at the bottoms of these emails? What purpose do they serve - anyone know?
Bayesian filtering. The idea is to make the filter think "Oh, this email must be important because it has these uncommon words in it that I wouldn't expect to show up in an advertisement."

I once got the Gouranga thing too.

"Well, the meat-packing industry being what it is, you never know, kmellis."

That was really very witty.

Thank you!

/master thespian