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10 May 2006

A Poem from LT [More:]

Hey, there, Girl Under the Stars, lying on your back out on the lawn,
Out with your sister who’s on the beach
with her guitar,stoking
the embers
From a slow fire she’s been tending for years?

Did you talk to your friend with the long eyelashes
and the pool cue
Popping out underneath her fedora?
Or the Amazon from the Frozen North
With dazzling, spiraled knots emanating from her chest?

What about the girl who lives with the Ancient Urns,
who bakes the cakes for everyone’s birthdays?
Or that slender Triangle Girl,
I can see all of you shining somewhere, in sundresses and leather jackets

Citrusy girls and girls wearing hats, girls who run
through the alleys and the office supply stores,
and the one who left the light on, and gave me a name
In the evening I ride the satellites and look for you,
spinning and spinning until we all fall down together.
Triangle Girl? Hmmmmmmmm.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 10 May | 19:43
Beats 3-way Girl.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 10 May | 19:44
Hey, nothing beats 3-way Girl.
posted by dg 10 May | 20:08
Oh, um, yeah, nice poem, BTW.
posted by dg 10 May | 20:09
I've noticed that there's a tendency for American Poetry to use way more words than I'm used to.

I'm guessing from the lines ...
What about the girl who lives with the Ancient Urns,
who bakes the cakes for everyone’s birthdays?

that it's an ode to the ladies of metachat.

Other than that...
Good ending.
I'd have liked the geographical distance between the different women to be more obviously stated earlier on, and I'm not sure I like the crossword-puzzle naming of people (triangle-girl???).

I have a few other minor gripes, but hey.
You probably didn't post it for me to hit it with my immense stick of criticism and you're probably thinking "You just don't understand what I'm trying to say" right at this moment, so I'll stop there.

As I said -
Nice ending.
posted by seanyboy 11 May | 07:56
Well, that was a doozy of a first day. || Letters from Antarctica

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