MetaChat is an informal place for MeFites to touch base and post, discuss and
chatter about topics that may not belong on MetaFilter. Questions? Check the FAQ. Please note: This is important.
* don't buy crap you don't need. like that lame-ass multicoloured glowing candle from the gadget shop.
* throw away crap you don't need. like shit from the gadget shop.
* crap you do need, hide away. like useful shit from the gadget shop.
* have principles.
* don't spend money you don't have.
* don't do shit you really, honestly, shouldn't.
* try to tell the truth, always.
Thanks for asking, sarah connor, and let me be the first to apologize for the Terminator incident at your home.
I was trying to resolve an issue with a professional services company, and became trapped in their labyrinthine electronic menu system. I'm still there and it grows exponentially more complex by the minute. Fearing I'll never make my way out, I had hoped to inspire others here to simplify, in an effort to save others from my fate.
* presses the four button in order to hear the next set of menu options *
Well, I'd better get back to this call in hopes of finding the right menu option that will free me from this telephonic prison.
If I never see you all again, please turn my user priviledges over to either hellbient or nobody (the user). Thanks, everyone.
* presses seven button on phone, awaits new set of menu options *
I pressed the # button eight times and just then, this door appeared ≡ Click to see image ≡
I hit # once more and it creaked open. I ran through the doorway and found that I was in an elevator in my building! Now that you have helped free me from certain doom, I will never use a phone again. Thanks, Capn!
Never... No wait. Always take a garbage bag with you in the car. It doesn't take up much space, and if it gets full, you can always throw it out the window.
You are in an open field wearing a HOSPITAL GOWN. Behind you, to the south is an INSANE ASYLUM. There is a MAILBOX here. There is a SCREWDRIVER here. There is a HANDGUN here.
Your friend THIGHBONE LACUNA FORCEPS says "they'll be coming for us soon, we have to get out of here"
You chuckle heartily. It feels great so you decide to do it again.
As your merry laughter rises in pitch, intensity and volume, you notice DR SCHULMAN, NURSE CATPANTS and several ORDERLIES approaching from the south. They seem agitated about something.
Ah, THE ARBITRATOR, the one friend who stuck by you when no one else would. As the cool steel of its handle slides in to you palm, the world seems to snap in to a crystal focus. Decisions are easier now, choices are clearer.
You have:
A HANDGUN (THE ARBITRATOR)
A HOSPITAL GOWN (NOT WORN)
49 PLAYING CARDS
7 SANDWICHES
A BAG OF MARBLES (EMPTY)
ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES
THIGHBONE says "look, there's a car coming down that road to the east"
The crowd coming from the hospital to the south seem to have discovered the crumpled remains of A RACOON THAT WOULDN'T SHUT UP ALREADY.
As you traipse homeward (you assume), nostalgic memories of the feel of apple pie, straight from the dryer, and mom's fresh baked beach towels flood your mind.
You hear a loud honking noise to your left, THIGHBONE shouts "look out!"
The annoying honking continues until it suddenly stops as a speeding car collides with your tender human form. Metal screeches and glass shatters as the car is destroyed utterly, bending around you as if you were a concrete lamppost and the car were driven by a coked up movie star. Oh, it's true, what you've always suspected in your heart is true, God loves you most of all humans, personally and specially! And lo, he hath wrought a miracle to spare his favoured son and deliver him to, actually, just kidding, the car creams you like a brick hitting an egg. All your favourite fluids and organs suddenly turn in to a particle dynamics demonstration. Your last though as your life ends is "I wish I hadn't been hit by that car"
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
