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thanks everyone.
I'm actually doing OK, which is the strangest part. His mother left me a voice mail about it when I was at lunch, and the second I listened I knew what it was. I checked the obits before I even called her back. I figured this would happen, and I think I got most of my grieving out when we split up. But still, it's strange. My mind is in a million places now.
Kelly, I'm sorry and truly wishing the best for you. I'm truly glad ColdChef's here and in that thread, because I think of any of us he can offer the best advice.
I'm so sorry to hear this. My condolences are with you. If there's anything ...
My boyfriend died on 14 November, and I got a ton of help, love and support from the people here and on the green. Way beyond anything I could have imagined from people who don't even know me. Amazing.
As an ex-family lawyer with a lot of experience in dealing with relationships that have died, I'd add to what ColdChef said. Although you might not be aware of it now, it will probably be a good thing in the long run for you to attend the memorial and give closure to this part of your life. You loved him once (not that long ago, you're still very young) and in years to come you might be sad that you didn't attend his memorial.
I'm so sorry kelly. This happened to a friend of mine a long time ago (when we were about your age or a bit younger) and it is a hard thing that takes a long time to process. Give yourself time to grieve, vent, let it out and above all be kind to yourself. We all love you.
Thanks again.
I just talked to his mother, and they decided not to have a wake or funeral. They're having a small, private memorial and having him cremated.
I get the impression that his family would prefer I wasn't there, they didn't say anything, but it was the overall impression I got.
His parents are stopping by my office today, though, since they want to have him cremated and I need to sign the paperwork since I'm technically still the next of kin.
This whole thing is so strange. I was sitting around last night and it just hit me that, technically, I'm a widow. And I remember telling him I had to leave him since he would make me a widow before I was 30, and I couldn't stand to watch it any more.
big hugs to everyone, love all of you. Between this and IRC last night, you have no idea how much it helps.
Oh, shit, kellydammit - I saw that thread on meta and it broke my heart. I'm really sorry you're going through this.
If at all possible, try to go to the memorial - my daughter's father died in 1993 (I hadn't seen him in 10 years, and I strongly suspect the circumstances were similar to your ex's) and even with all that I wish I'd have found a way to go.
My best to you. It really is a strange experience. Email me if you'd like to talk further.
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