The upside is you'll be too drunk to notice or care.

Who'd of thought that drinking could make you less of a dick?!

Um... generic you. Not you.

I suppose it's only fair that liquor shrinks our peckers since it also makes girls prettier.

Jon, you so funny, you make me larf.

goddamn it

The other way alcohol helps with the mouth and the lung cancers is that drinking and smoking TOTALLY go hand in hand! I can't tell you how many times I've fallen off the "quit smoking" wagon because I've been drinking.

Of course, if this is true, I should have a vagina by now. In which case, I'm never going outside anymore.

For all the hooha about how bad alcohol is, the news never mentions all the joy and love it brings to the world. How many of us would still have our partners, friends, and family members if it wasn't for alcohol? How many of us would even be on this planet if it were not for alcohol? Alcohol is what binds people and communities together, a rising tide of sweet fermented grain that raises all boats. I think that this holiday season, we should give thanks for everything booze has done for us, not try to claim that it's "bad for you" or that it causes "health problems" or whatever those crazy scientists in their ivory towers are saying this week.

Hells yeah, cmonkey. I met my husband at a happy hour.

...strong drink giveth the desire sir, but taketh away the ability - Shakespear: Macbeth

There is nothing which has been contrived by man by which so much happiness has been produced as by a good tavern or inn. - Samuel Johnson

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. - Ernest Hemmingway: For Whom the Bell Tolls

To drink is to make other people interesting. - George Jean Nathan

Drink wine, and live here blitheful while ye may; The morrow's life too late is, live to-day. - Herrick

O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! That we should with joy, pleasance, revel and applause, transform ourselves into beasts! - Shakespear: Othello

And let me the canikan clink; A soldier's but a man, A life's but a span; Why then, let a soldier drink. - Shakespear: Othello

All right brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so lets just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. - Homer

Of course, this post brought to you by flopsy.

Let's not forget another gem from Homer:

Beer, the solution to, and the cause of, all of life's problems.

One of my all time favorite quotes, Ms. Specklet.

But man, flopsy, that article was a buzzkill.

Some theorize that humans settled down into agricultural societies, which led to the emergence of so-called "civilization", because they learned that they could brew beer if they had enough grain. Good enough for me.

"I was in the pool! I was in the pool!"

hey, guys, it's okay, i don't have to worry. check out the link.