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I AM GRAPPLING WITH TRYING TO BE LOCALLY FAMOUS/ECCENTRIC AND NOT COMING OFF AS A COINCIDED ASS HOLE, BUT HOW CAN IT BE DONE WITHOUT OFFENDING SOMEONE!?
I did not mean for something that serious to come out but it's been on my mind lately. To keep from being a complete downer, here are some things that aren't so critical but are still anoying me:
I DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO CALL YOU, YOU KNOW! YOUR FINGERS AREN'T BROKEN! DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW WE NEVER TALK IF YOU CAN'T DO SO MUCH AS PICK UP A DAMN PHONE!
THE PARKING LOT IS NOT A DUMPSTER! THROW YOUR DAMN CHICKEN BONES IN THE TRASH WHERE THEY BELONG! MY DOG ATE ONE AND IF SHE GETS SICK, SO HELP ME!
DON'T GET PISSY WITH ME BECAUSE YOUR COMPANY REPS GAVE ME THE WRONG INFORMATION. TWICE!
SCIURUS, I THINK THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS SLEEP WITH ALL OF THEM!
I HAD A FABULOUS DINNER PARTY LAST NIGHT! I AM ALL, LIKE, CHEERFUL AND SHIT NOW! THE FOOD WAS GREAT AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE SHOWED UP. AND NOW LEEJAY IS BACK. THINGS ARE FINALLY LOOKING UP! RIGHT?
HOMEMADE TURKEY MEATLOAF SANDWICHES, PBR, HOBO SWARMS, WEAPONIZED MAPLE SYRUP VAPORS OVER BROOKLAWN, VIETNAM. MYSTERY. LOVE. DISCIPLINE. LEEJAY - HAY HAY, WELCOME BACK, DON'T GO DOWN TO THE BASEMENT, THERE'S SOMETHING DOWN THERE.
I LEFT A FRIEND A LETTER YESTERDAY BECAUSE I'M CONCERNED ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP AND FEELING VERY SAD AND MAD AND I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK FROM HIM YET AND I GUESS I WAS REALLY EXPECTING AT LEAST A TEXT MESSAGE LAST NIGHT SAYING "GOT THE LETTER, AM WORKING ON A RESPONSE" BUT I HAVEN'T AND I'M SCARED THAT OUR FRIENDSHIP MAY BE DOOMED AND MY STOMACH HURTS AND I KEEP TEARING UP AT MY DESK!
GIVE HIM UNTIL TUESDAY AND THEN START TO WORRY. EAT A HOT FUDGE SUNDAE AND GO TO A SCHOOL OF MASSAGE FOR A GOOD DISCOUNT INSTEAD OF PAYING A WHOLE BUNCH AT A PRIVATE PARLOUR. CURL UP IN YOUR WOOBIE RIGHT AFTER TAKING IT OUT THE DRYER.
JOELF, RUN FOR MAYOR. ALSO, TRY NOT TO BE PROFILED IN THE NATIONAL POST. ANYONE WHO TRIES TO BE LOCALLY FAMOUS IS AUTOMATICALLY CONCEITED. JUST TRY TO HAVE A GOOD TIME, IF YOU CAN DO THIS AND INVOLVE A LOT OF PEOPLE (IE ZOMBIE WALK: AWSOME!) THEN IT WILL ALL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF.
SPECKLET, SO MANY OF THE PROBLEMS WE PERCEIVE IN RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALL IN OUR HEADS. IMAGINED SLIGHTS AND READING TOO MUCH IN TO AN OFF HAND REMARK AND SO ON.
IT'S GOOD THAT YOU WROTE A LETTER, BUT REALIZE THAT YOUR FRIEND MAY HAVE HAD NO IDEA THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG. HE OR SHE MAY JUST NEED SOME TIME TO PROCESS.
I AM FORTY THIRD IN LINE AT A FEDERAL GOVERNMENT AGENCY AND I HAVE TO CALL YOU! ON MY NEW CELL PHONE WHICH DOESN'T HAVE YOUR CELL NUMBER IN ITS ADDRESSBOOK YET! WHY IS THERE NO 411 SERVICE FOR CELL PHONE NUMBERS???
WOLFDADDY, THERE ARE ONLY 10,000,000 POSSIBLE LOCAL PHONE NUMBERS (MUCH FEWER, SINCE SOME ARE 'IMPOSSIBLE' LIKE 000-0000), JUST DIAL THEM ALL. YOU WILL PROBABLY BE DONE BEFORE YOU GET TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE, AND WILL GET TO TALK TO SOME INTERESTING PEOPLE.
MY FRIEND LIBBY HAS BEEN UNHAPPY FOR A LONG TIME, NOW SHE'S GOT MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT ALL THIS. BUT YOU CAN SEE HOW UNFORTUNATE THINGS ARE FOR HER RIGHT NOW IN THE NAME DEPT. DO THEY HAVE A LINE FOR THAT?
sciurus: YOU HAVE TO SLEEP WITH THEM ALL! IT'S THE ONLY WAY! AND YES, I DID MEAN CONCEITED, NOT COINCIDED!
Specklet: YOUR FRIEND WILL GET BACK TO YOU WHEN HE REALIZES HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HIM TO KEEP SOMEONE AS AWESOME AS YOU AS A FRIEND, GIVE HIM SOME TIME AND TAKE A BREATHER. IT MAY TAKE A FEW DAYS!
LeeJay: SOMETIMES IT HURTS TO HAVE FRIENDS, I HAVE HAD FRIENDS GO THROUGH GREAT LOSS, BUT ITS WHEN YOU STICK BY THEM THEY BECOME SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST A CASUAL FRIEND!
I ALREADY GAVE YOUR DICK ATTENTION! HOW MUCH DOES IT NEED?!
LISTEN, IF I POST A PICTURE OF BOOBIES TO MY FLICKR ACCOUNT, WILL I GET IN TROUBLE? I UPLOADED SOME PICS FROM MY PHONE (MOSTLY TO DOCUMENT DIFFERENT MAKEUP IDEAS FOR PERFORMANCES) AND HAVE A NICE BOOBIE ONE.
YEAH, I'M A NARCISSIST. (I DEMAND ATTENTION!) YA WANNA MAKE SOMETHIN' OF IT?
By the way, I heard back from my friend via email and he's angry and frustrated. Everything's big and messy and we're misunderstanding each other and I feel horrible. I don't know if this is going to work.
PS. YOU HAVE NICE BREASTS. I DON'T USUALLY LIKE LARGE ONES BUT THOSE ARE FRIENDLY AND UNTHREATENING. I DON'T LIKE THAT WIG PICTURE BECAUSE IT LOOKS A LOT LIKE A WIG BUT MAYBE IT IS SUPPOSED TO? I AM GOING TO GO AIM A MAGNET AT A TV SCREEN NOW.
IT WILL BE OKAY SPECKLET! SCIURUS IS RIGHT. I JUST HAD A BIG FIGHT WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND IT WAS HORRIBLE FOR A FEW DAYS BUT NOW IT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL BETTER. LIFE IS SHORT AND FUCK IT, SO WAS THE GUY WE WERE FIGHTING OVER, SO SHE CAN HAVE HIM; I UNTWISTED MY KNICKERS AND WE'RE STILL FRIENDS.
SPECKLET - YOU MAY BE MISUNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER BUT AS LONG AS THERE IS SOME SORT OF COMMUNICATION GOING ON THERE IS ALWAYS THE CHANCE THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO WORK THROUGH IT!
I LOVE COFFEE! I ALSO LOVE THE GLORY THAT IS SPECKLET'S BREASTS! IT'S RAINING A BIT, AND THAT'S VERY EXCITING! I MIGHT GET TO GO TO RENO THIS WEEKEND, AND EARLY NEXT WEEK I AM VERY DEFINITELY GOING HERE TO TAKE SOME PICTURES! LEEJAY'S BACK! I MADE SOME AWESOME INDIAN FOOD LAST NIGHT AND I GET TO EAT IT AGAIN TODAY! I AM GOING TO BUY A CHAINSAW SO THAT I CAN BRING MY FAVORITE, COVETED LOG HOME WITH ME! OKAY!
WOLFDADDY, I OFFER YOU MY BUCKET OF COCKS! BIG COCKS, LITTLE COCKS, COCKS THAT CLIMB ON ROCKS! FAT COCKS, SKINNY COCKS, EVEN COCKS WITH...OK, MAYBE NOT THE COCKS WITH CHICKEN POX. BUT STILL! IT'S A PERFECTLY SERVICEABLE BUCKET OF COCKS! EMPHASIS ON THE 'SERVICEABLE' PART.
I AM AIMING A MAGNET AT A TV SCREEN BECAUSE IT DISTORTS THE COLORS ON THE CRT. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS IF YOU WANT TO USE YOUR TV FOR WATCHING THINGS IN TEH FUTURE. I'M DOING THIS FOR "ART". CAN I COME TO THE WEST COAST AND VISIT YOUR NOT AS LARGE AS THEY APPEAR BREASTS?
THANK YOU FOR THE COMIC BOOKS AND THE COCKS! AND FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO TYPE THAT SENTENCE!
SAFETYFORK I JUST READ JSA CLASSIFIED #4 AND FEEL LET DOWN, BUT POWER GIRL ALSO HAS BREASTS IN WHICH WE CAN ALL REVEL--AND THEY ONLY GET BIGGER AS TIME GOES BY--SO I GUESS IT'S OKAY!
photo by splunge
photo by TheophileEscargot
photo by Kronos_to_Earth
photo by ethylene
