Thanks matteo. Good article. I think we all struggle with how kind we are or aren't from time to time. I had a distressing confrontation with a person a week or so ago where a man was simply being a bully (talking louder and over me while I tried to explain a situation). I am a big guy, and could have easily intimidated this guy back (or heck, even kicked his ass) but I worked hard to remain kind and try and understand where this person's anger came from (I knew it wasn't me). After a while I realized I wasn't going to be the one to help this person get over their anger. However, I had still been wrongly accused of something I didn't do, and so I contacted this person's boss, explained what had happened, and explained that I could understand why the person was so angry, but that it was not cool that this person bullied me and accused me of things I didn't do, when in fact I was going out of my way to try and fix the problem (this is all about dog doo btw). I made sure to not "tattle" on this person. I just explained the situation and how there was a misunderstanding. The person's boss was polite, helpful and made a decision which I believe worked for everyone. But before I had called this person I was filled with frustration that I could not make this person see how wrong they were, and that my kindness had not worked. In the end I realized it had worked. I hadn't clocked this guy for his rudeness and physical intimidation, and a solution for the issue had been found by talking and not hitting.

As to the article, it was interesting (my father-in-law studied under Trungpa Rinpoche), and I especially like the comments about giving to people who ask for money...

"If we decide it's not appropriate as far as we can tell to give them money, that doesn't necessarily mean we're being unkind. I think a far less kind thing is to completely discount that person and not consider them a human being or ignore them or overlook them in the course of our lives as though they have nothing to do with us, because, in fact, they do."

Most excellent, matteo, thanks!! This topic has been front and center in my brain in recent months.

Terrapin, that isn't kind at all. You tattled. And probably got the guy in much worse trouble.

Yes, thanks, matteo! This is a wonderful thing to remember and practice...

dame: you don't know the whole story, but if you insist: I called the ED of the organization and said that I had just been told that my dogs were banned from the property, and I asked if the person who told me that had the authority to make such a decision. I explained that I was picking up after someone else's dog at the time while walking my own dog and that I was falsely accused of constantly leaving poo on the lawn and for that reason I was banned. I did not tell the ED that the exchange was hostile on the part of his employee or that I felt bullied. I simply explained my needs, my person beliefs concerning owners who do not pick up their animals, and that my wife and I frequently pick up litter on the property while we walk our dogs. I got 2 responses. The first time the ED and I spoke I was told that I was welcome to walk my dogs there. Then I got another call back a few days later stating that the ED had spoken with a few of the other business sharing the space and that the new policy was that we were welcome to walk our dogs as long as the building was closed. (He actually said *I* was welcome to do so, but that they still may put up signs to help attempt to discourage others). This solved our problem because we mostly used the space for quick relief duties first thing in the morning and before bed. It didn't get the guy who was rude to me in any trouble either. He may have lost face with himself because he knows in his heart he was being a bully and UNkind. But that is something he has to deal with on his own.

So, I most certainly didn't tattle. And honestly the way the guy treated me (he asked me to "step outside" even though we were outside) there is no shame in complaining about boorish behavior from people who think they have power over others. There is still more background to this story, but there is no reason to explain.

Your second story doesn't say the same thing as the first. I reacted based on what your first post said. I'm sorry I misinterpreted, but I was going on what you said.

When I was in elementary school, I remember wondering what all the orange spraypaint on the grass was. It wasn't until junior high that I learned they were digging and they had to call Miss Utility and map out underground pipes, phone lines, and whatnot.

Sometimes the utility guys would spray through a pile of dogshit in marking a dig. When Tiffany W---- saw this, she would jump and dance around, pointing and shouting:

"Oinge dooky-dook! Oinge dooky-dook!"

That Tiffany was a real inspiration for me.

This says it all, I think

I realize where I made the mistake now, dame. My initial comment was poorly edited by me.

"... so I contacted this person's boss, explained what had happened, and explained that I could understand why the person was so angry, but that it was not cool that this person bullied me and accused me of things I didn't do, when in fact I was going out of my way to try and fix the problem..."

I did tell the ED that I was not given a chance to explain myself because the guy with whom I was "speaking" would not let me explain that I was cleaning up after another's dog, and he seemed understandably angry with a negligent owner. I emphasized that I understood the man's frustrations because others were leaving doo on the lawn, but that we were trying to be helpful by cleaning up the place. I didn't say "Big bad man was mean to me, and I want him punished." I assumed the guy would have his view of the incident too and that mine would not contradict his in any way. I simply left out that the guy asked me to "step outside" and said "people like me" are the reason "this town smells like shit."

My initial comment did sorta sound like I ratted the guy out. Sorry if there was any confusion.

[On preview: I started writing this before dame replied to call me on it. ha! Thanks for understanding.]

I've had that song in my head all morning, jonmc.

Thanks for the links, matteo. I'm just beginning to explore Buddhism so this is really timely.

From the play/movie "Harvey":
My mother told me to succeed in this world you have to be oh so smart or oh so pleasant kind. For years I was oh so smart.

I know pleasant is not the same thing as kind but I would prefer the substitution.