How about we start a joke of the day thread?

Anyone who wants can participate, or just drop by, have a nice chuckle and be on their way...

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Woman:

Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim."

That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy."

The mother asked, "What did you do?"

The boy replied, "I hit him with my purse!"

Ugh, that last one is like the "jokes" old-school comedians used to tell in the 1970s. We're better than that.

And the first one is awful too. Please let's not do this.

Hey hey hey, come on now--if it's that bad, then the only way to go is up, right... let's try this again: (for Senyar)

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference. On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him: "I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place." "That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!" So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response. The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says:

"Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."

Now that's a good one.

Why thanks Senyar. Here's another one, just for you...

A lady goes to the church and tells the priest, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing, and that is: "Hi, we're hookers. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaims, "But I have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, who I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with Francis and Peter. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" says the woman, and the next day she brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hookers. Do you want to have some fun?"

One of the male parrots turns to the other and says, "Put the beads away Frank, our prayers have been answered!"