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27 December 2020

Here's something I've been thinking about As a person who has had issues with punctuality in showing up to places[More:]

I've kinda figured out in the past couple years that it is about planning properly. Like if you make a proper estimate of in-between steps (getting ready, travel etc.) then you can make better predictions.

The funny thing is though, that I figured this out as an epiphany in my own head. People don't talk about this like they talk about figuring out other things in life (like work, fitness, finances etc).

I think treating tardiness as a personal insult ('if you're late to my class, I guess you had somewhere better to be') or moral sin--rather than something that can be worked around with simple problem-solving skills--is unhelpful to society.
I think that many things we take as a insult or a moral sin fall into this area. And, it hurts when others do it to us and we don't like it when we have to confront the fact that we have done it to others.
posted by arse_hat 27 December | 03:17
There is an element of disrespect in chronic tardiness though. I don't mean the situations where unexpected glitches cause delays; I'm talking about Person A thinking it's okay that Person B is left waiting at the meeting place for ages because Person A just can't be arsed to get tehre on time.

I have a friend like this and (back in the olden days when we actually had things to go to) I'd make sure we each had our own tickets so I could go in if the show was about to start and they still weren't there. I knew I couldn't rely on them to be on time - for anything. But even missing the start of things they really wanted to attend doesn't seem to have been a learning experience.
posted by Senyar 27 December | 06:29
I hear you but this is kind of the thing I'm saying is odd about tardiness -- it's framed in terms of motivation or willpower when perhaps it should be discussed in more practical terms.

Compare something like a smoking addiction where we all have some constructive thoughts and ideas for people.
posted by Firas 27 December | 07:03
I am a habitual early person. My dad always planned on "possible flat tire time" so I learned early that to be on time was to be late.

I married someone who followed his family's norm of better late than never.

It was a difficult transition for us both.

So, to be early, I always was generous in estimating how long the steps took. And allowed extracwighle room. He always underestimated how long it would take if everything went smoothly.

I think it's hard to reprogram how we think about scheduling our lives.
posted by mightshould 27 December | 17:01
There are many contributors to lateness, including ADHD, social phobia, cultural norms, family background. Maybe disrespect for others' time. I have had to really learn how long things take, to plan for contingencies. Smartphone + dogged reliance on calendaring app and alarms makes a huge difference. The moral slant is pervasive and aligns with the belief that getting up early is a moral triumph. One Ask.Me answer recommended practicing. Practice jumping right out of bed, shower, etc. Time every component. I realized that it takes me @ 5 minutes to get out the door - find keys and wallet, make sure dog is in the house and has food and water, check thermostat/ windows. I have turned around so many times to grab something I forgot that I have a Litany: Wallet, Mobile, Keys, Coffee, Lunch. I've learned to be far better at being on time. I still hate being early, as it feels socially painful.
posted by theora55 28 December | 10:19
A shoebill. || What do you miss?

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