I'm Meh.

I've been dealing with money issues for about two weeks. I have a tax refund I can't get to. I look at my account online and I see my assessment from three weeks ago and I see my refund amount. It says the money will be deposited "as soon as your accounts are updated" but all of the account information is just a list of error codes. The IT branch looked and said the codes are not IT errors and that they come from the admin/tax side. The admin/tax side says that the codes don't tell them what the problem is and that they don't know why I have not got the money.

I call every two days. I am always polite and even charming but I am fucking relentless. "So no one has found out what is going on yet? That seems really sub-optimal performance doesn't it?"

Everyone I have talked to so far has been great and tried really hard to find answers but DAMNITFUCKSHIT!

Also I have been trying to find a way get prescription costs to less than $500 a month. Since we no longer have employer group health that expense is killing us. I have looked at the government program for prescription help but it won't help as the three big items are not in the formulary.

Private insurance won't cover preexisting meds or conditions and "no medical" policies will never cover their own costs so DAMNITFUCKSHIT!

I really want to find a job with group health.

I am okay.

At work senior management is trying to persuade all of us old-timers to accept voluntary redundancy. We've all said no. We have another year before they decide whether or not to lay us off anyway. This is the third postponement they've given us, because, well, they actually need people with technical and legal skills to carry out work that's technical and legally-binding.

I turn 60 in a few weeks, which makes me both happy and sad. I am spending my birthday with the people I love the most, which makes me very happy. But I'm acutely aware, the older I get, of what an odd fish I am, and how this is likely to lead me into a lonely and isolated old age. I'm conscious of the physical signs of ageing, and I know there's more I can do to take care of myself. I'd planned on losing weight before I go on holiday next month, but that's not happened. Despite being a feminist for over 40 years, I still measure my worth by the number on the scale.

I am very fearful about what's going to happen to this country after Brexit. The chaos David Cameron has wreaked upon us is incalculable. We import 80% of our food. If we crash out without a deal, there will be very serious problems, very quickly. This is just one example.

So I try not to think about things on a global level, as it makes me anxious. Instead I live life day-to-day. I'm going to grow more vegetables this year - but most of them will have to wait until early June, when I get back from my holiday. Rudi is a joy. He loves to lie with his paws folded by his sides. It's the cutest thing ever. I have good friends, I live in a (mostly) safe and quiet, peaceful area, I have no-one to answer to and I'm sitting here on Sunday morning with a mug of coffee watching the robins, tits and goldfinches on my bird feeders. Life is good.

!Rudi!

Sort of ok.

In a rare moment when I wasn't entirely overcome by my depression and self-doubt, I volunteered to officiate at our son's wedding next month, and now I'm seriously stressing over making a fool of myself and ruining the ceremony. And, because I mysteriously lost so much weight a couple years ago, I've had to spend money on a new suit for the occasion, which makes me feel extremely guilty, because I hatehatehate spending any money on myself.

We had high winds last month, and it damaged our roof. The contractor's crew came out yesterday to replace the roof. I was amazed that they could completely strip, then completely apply a new roof in around five hours, including clean-up. That's impressive.

My knee is really paining me lately. It's tendonitis. I think all the walking around stores shopping for that damned new suit did it. At least, that's what I'm blaming it on.

Miko, can't wait to hear more.

1. It's April 8, we have about 4 inches of snow (Portland, Maine, US area) and it's still snowing. Pretty. But, ahem, April! It won't last, but Mainers are all cranky today.

2. My body is full of inflammation, so many aches and pains, but I am optimistic about spring. Warm weather helps, sunshine helps. The ice on the lake is thinning, which sounds like an aphorism, and maybe it is, but the actual ice on the actual lake is thinning.

3. My dog is feeling esp. snuggly today and his gas is ... frequent.

It's definitely spring here - pollen is everywhere, making the horizon look like we have green smog. Huge clouds of it were just wafting across the interstate today. I went for a hike and my shoes & camera came home green, while my eyes were just red.

My lease is up at the end of May and the work I have been getting will probably dry up then too. I'm trying to decide if I should keep hammering away at job apps here, or just chuck what I have into a storage unit and go west, not-that-young man.

I'm glad to hear about the snow, theora55, because my friend's daughter is on her first trip to the USA, a trip with the Scouts, skiing in Maine. She was worried there wouldn't be any snow.

Hi! In broad strokes: I bought a house in Oakland and now live there with three chickens and a human, planning to marry the human.