Faux Ask Me Can we do another thread of fake AskMe questions, in honour of the day?→[More:]

How can one summon the spirits of the dead? Does it help if you already have the bodies of those you want to summon stored away in a meat locker in your basement? Asking for a friend!

Why are there so many stupid blogs out there and what can I do about that?

I think Stomping Tom Connors should be on Canadian currency instead of Queen Elizabeth II. How can I make that happen?

I'm having problems with my relationship. We scream at each other constantly. Leaving this person, getting counselling, having a calm, rational discussion, or changing my behaviour are not options. What should I do?

I'm in a relationship that's making me incredibly happy. My lover and I have constant hot pig sex, sparkling intellectual conversations, and a profound emotional connection. Unfortunately my friends and family won't accept my lover. When I try to bring her to, say, a pub night with friends or a family do, they say it's out of line, that she's not welcome, that it makes them uncomfortable and that they are concerned about my relationship with her. I've tried telling them they should be happy for me and get to know my lover before they judge her, but they won't hear it. How can I help my family and friends to move past their blow-up doll prejudices and see the love of my life as she is?