I suck.

Hm. That's zelfhaat. Your comprehension of Dutch may need some work.

Told you I sucked.

I'm afraid I bug people sometimes.

≡ Click to see image ≡

I've been rather industrious today.
Last week I got a pair of shoes back from the cobbler. And I noticed how just a few strokes with the brush produced a shine on them. And then it struck me: I've been polishing my shoes the wrong way!
So I walked into town to buy some good clear shoe polish and took out my main shoes (11 pair) and started repolishing them.
Because just using French shoe wax and polishing using a horse hair brush and finishing up using womens stockings just isn't right.
First I need to polish using normal (clear) shoe polish and then apply French bee wax based shoe wax, apply horse hair brush etc.
And just a few hours later my shoes look great!
I'm sure the other 11 guys in the Netherlands who are not shoe sales men and who know about this will think my shoes are pretty cool if I encounter them.
(btw I work at the NLs biggest bank at the moment. So my spiffy shoes are a little bit more appropriate)

Oh, any US americans reading this may feel a bit alienated by all this talk of dress shoes and shine. But I do own a pair of sneakers.
Although I must confess my sneakers make creaky leathery noises when I wiggle my toes. Because they're handmade gradient coloured Italian Santonis.
(before you think I'm wealthy: I'm just a working slob. But I buy all my Santonis, Crocket&Jones, Fratelli Rosetti, Canali, Harris Firenze etc shoes during sales at a discount. I never pay more than 270 euros (350 USD). So I can afford to own a pair or two more (18 pair))

I am 40 years old and I only recently learned to tie my shoes properly.

I'm almost 50 and I'm pretty sure that I've never shined a pair of shoes. But then I wear Tevas to work so what do I know?

Oh, there are a lot of mundane things I somehow have never learned how to do. I cannot blow up a balloon. Seriously, I really can't -- when I blow into the thing nothing happens. Nor can I strike a match unless it's a big hefty wooden match -- the little paper ones, nope. I also have no idea how to make coffee, in spite of having been shown numerous times.

I did used to polish my father's shoes for him when I was a little kid, and I'm sure I made a complete mess of the job. But he was nice and let me do it anyway. :)

Oh, any US americans reading this may feel a bit alienated curiously aroused by all this talk of dress shoes and shine.

I fixed it for you.

I cannot blow up a balloon. Seriously, I really can't -- when I blow into the thing nothing happens.

I can blow up a balloon, but I don't like to. I might be a little bit scared of balloons. No, YOU shut up.

Well, I'm not scared of balloons, not as such, don't be silly. I'm scared of blowing them up. Well, not of blowing them up, don't be silly. Of them popping. Well, not of them popping, don't be silly. Of them popping IN MY FACE WHILE I BLOW THEM UP. Because EEK SCARY. That is not either silly, nuh-uh.

I don't know if I had some traumatic childhood balloon-in-face-popping or if it's just a side effect of being raised by parents who were terrified of every trivial thing (but oddly casual about, say, us jumping off the shed roof).

I am 40 years old and I only recently learned to tie my shoes properly.

I'm 42 and I still don't think I understand, though clearly I've been doing it wrong. (In my defense, I did look around for some lace-up shoes so I could tie along with the video --- but apparently I no longer wear lace-ups, just boots, buckles, or slip-ons. I'm sure I have a pair of lace-up hiking boots somewhere, but nothing else.)

I am probably tying my shoes the wrong way, but am too lazy to watch the video and find out. I own kind of a lot of shoes, but most of them are sandals and clogs. I work from home.

Zelfspot : I took myself to the mall today - I hate shopping (other than the online sort), but need some summer clothes, and down here in NC, summer is almost here. I am the kind of person who wears black most of the time, but I did branch out into a few summery shades of blue.

I can't whistle. I've been trying all my life. Had it explained by one brother and two husbands (serially). Still can't hack it. I feel a failure.

I spend most of my days feeling like a six year old imposter in my own life. I'm not an adult! I have no idea how to do this shit! Help! Mummy!

Elsa, please watch Corner Gas. Especially the Globophobia episode.

Zelfspot is the way I keep the siren song of the ego in check. Zelfspot as a form of buddhist exercise.

Also it's a social technique to defuse irritations.

So to me it's an important concept and that's why I thought and see if it strikes a chord on metachat.

I'm sure that there'd be a lot of Dutch people who'd pontificate that US Americans don't do zelfspot. Because it's a society where the need to sell yourself is instilled at such a young age.
I don't believe that's true.

Though only wens' comment would strike me as making fun of yourself, of your penchants. The other comments seem more about admitting you can't do something that's supposed to be simple.

Ah well. Thank you kindly for indulging either my little inter-cultural experiment or my initiative to further transatlantic understanding and spreading Nederlandse Kultuur.

In the interest of selffunpoking: creaky shiny sneakers

Those sneakers are pretty awesome.

Elsa, please watch Corner Gas. Especially the Globophobia episode.

BUT I'M SCARED TO.

I'm not sure I get the distinction between gently deflating one's habits and humorously admitting one's inabilities.

I'm sure that there'd be a lot of Dutch people who'd pontificate that US Americans don't do zelfspot. [...] I don't believe that's true.

Yeah, nor do I. Everyone I spend time with pokes healthy fun at themselves pretty much every day. We don't have a delightful name for the activity, which seems a shame and might account for those who think it's not part of the culture.

Ok, this is really embarrassing but perhaps it is the kind of anecdote that was requested. So I listen to WBEZ (public radio) and of course to all the traffic updates every morning on my ride north (of Chicago) from Evanston to Lake Forest (and home again). Until a week ago, I thought "Gapers Delay" was an actual interchange or highway. My SO set me straight that they are talking about *actual* gapers at accidents that slow traffic. Haha.

I think this probably counts as zelfspot.