MetaChat - Ask the Bunnies

MetaChat is an informal place for MeFites to touch base and post, discuss and chatter about topics that may not belong on MetaFilter. Questions? Check the FAQ. Please note: This is important.

14 October 2011

Ask the Bunnies - Please help me make the right choice/decision in a complicated situation.→[More:]As mentioned in a previous thread, the mister was in the ER on Wednesday. After six months he had reverted back into atrial fibrillation. The ER folks did a cardioversion and after eight hours in the ER he was home. This left him feeling like shit. He hadn't recovered from the Wednesday incident and it happened again today and now he is recovering from the second cardioversion as well. He looks like death and feels worse.

I really don't want to leave the mister alone when he is in such an unstable condition.

Here's where it gets complicated.

My mother is scheduled for her first cataract surgery on Tuesday. I had planned to go down to help out on Monday afternoon and return home on Friday. Besides the actual surgery she has a follow-up appointment on Wednesday. She can't drive for either appointment.

Alternative plan number one isn't really a viable alternative. Bro#1 and his wife live about 75 miles from her (I live about 100 miles away). Bro#1 cannot get leave from work with such short notice. Sis-in-law is crazy allergic to cats (Mum has two) and could drive Mum, but couldn't stay overnight (to avoid the long drive two days in a row) or help out in any other way Mum may need.

Alternative plan number two is to have Mum's cleaning lady (they've become fairly good friends, her name is also Deborah) do the driving, etc. However, she may have appointments already scheduled which she may or may not be able to rearrange.

Alternative plan number three is to have Mum take a taxi to her appointments. I really, really don't like this and I don't think she will either. Having someone she knows with her through all of this is something she really needs.

What the mister thinks is that, for right now, is that one of these back-up plans needs to become an actual back-up plan should the mister need to go back to the ER or into hospital. I'm of the mind that one of the back-up plans really needs to become THE plan because I really, really don't want to leave the mister alone especially without the car (we have one). Mum has offered to come up on Monday to pick me up so we could leave the car with the mister.

I have left a message on Mum's machine and am waiting to hear back from her. Until then I thought I'd throw this into the Bunnies laps and see what y'all had to say/recommend. Any and all advice is welcome.

post by: deborah at: 17:35 | 14 comments

Can SIL stay at a hotel?

posted by brujita 14 October | 17:39

...and the cleaning lady help out with your mum's other needs?

posted by brujita 14 October | 17:42

Is there someone else who can stay with the mister?

posted by occhiblu 14 October | 17:42

I have been in similar situation and agree with your need to be with hubby.

Also, Mom had both eyes done 8 yrs apart and the one done a couple yrs ago was pretty simple outpatient. YMMV. I would ask SIL to drive to and fro and Deborah to be on call.

Now is the time to call on others to help out. You have enough to worry about at home. You need to keep tabs on hubby because his judgement may not be the best right now and nobody knows him better than you.

posted by mightshould 14 October | 17:53

I just spoke to Mum, twice. Apparently Bro#1 had been thinking he'd be the back-up plan (without saying anything) just in case something happened. Mum called him after talking to me and Bro is going to take care of Mum for the duration. I almost starting crying when she told me that, but I was able to hold off until the conversation was over. I feel about a gadjillion pounds lighter.

AND the mister is taking next week off of work to recuperate.

Thanks for the moral support if not direct answers, Bunnies. You are the best.

posted by deborah 14 October | 21:05

Yay! Always nice when siblings step up.

posted by occhiblu 14 October | 21:13

I just had cataract surgery and I was able to see quite well 2 hours after the procedure. However, I could not drive myself home or to my followup appointment. Since this surgery is elective can your mother reschedule her operation to a time when your husband is more stable? Your husband needs you now, cataract surgery is wonderful since I can know read without glasses, but a heart is more important.

posted by Macduff 14 October | 21:29

Bro#1 is a good person; he's not perfect (who is?) but he'll bend over backwards to help out. I'd be friends with him even if he wasn't my brother.

Macduff: it's taken my mum a couple years to make the appointment(s) for the surgery due to fear and depression. It took her that long to get an enhanced driver's licence so she can visit the mister and me (we're only a 100 miles away, but across the US/Canada border). In no way do I want her to put it off some more. I'm still working on her getting her butt to a lawyer to make a will. Baby steps! (I also suffer from depression so I know how difficult it all can be.)

posted by deborah 14 October | 21:53

My godfather died without a will (and he was a lawyer!) but his estate went to his wife. She made a will, named my father executor and then killed herself. It took Daddy six years to untangle the mess.

posted by brujita 14 October | 23:49

A lawyer without a will?! Oh dear.

I know part of her reluctance is that she doesn't know what people want (possessions-wise) and, of course, people are reluctant to say what they want while she's still alive. It's just so awkward.

posted by deborah 15 October | 00:39

Have her relatives and friends told her over the years what they like best about her home? Maybe the stuff can be divided up that way.

posted by brujita 15 October | 00:42

Glad this part is working out. I hope the universe continues to conspire in your favor.

posted by moonshine 15 October | 11:27

I think the only people who have spoken up about what they want are Bro#1 and myself*. We have mock fights over which of us gets which of her kilims. I think what she needs to do is send an email around asking friends/family what they want and if they don't respond they don't get to complain later.

*We'll most likely end up co-executors of her will. Which is, in part, why I personally want her to do the will. It's going to be enough of a pain with a will.

posted by deborah 15 October | 12:40

Late to the party, but I'm sorry you're being pulled in two directions with people who are very important to you! Here's to speedy healing for both your Mom and the Mister.

posted by chewatadistance 15 October | 13:14

← First line of this story gave me sniffles: || The Sentinel →

HOME || REGISTER || LOGIN