narratives of transformation I really think the binary “let me write a book about this” modality of “I was doing the wrong thing, then I changed, and started doing the right thing” is a somewhat lacking way to approach personal change.→[More:]

I mean there’s always the big-ticket items out there (I was an alcoholic then I stopped and it was wrong to be an alcoholic) but as my mindset has become more stable (even happy, what a feeling) over the last couple years I’m finding that for more gradual changes it’s completely ‘off’. Because it’s based on condemnation and a sort of guilt but the truth is I don’t want to cut off that previous version of me.

I’m not sure the cultural trappings in analyzing and effecting change in gradual matters even support an accurate understanding of such things because they’re based on the thing (“stop being ___”) when a lot of ‘things’ are basically interrelated with different feelings/thoughts/approaches/situations and even, well, personal capacity that may not be at a particular level yet. As long as things eventually ‘worked out’ previously (you didn’t end up murdering someone!11) I don’t think you have to forsake a version of yourself (especially cause you might go back and forth in certain approaches/behaviors/etc over long periods of time) you just have to say “this is working better and working out for me now.”

In other words, it was okay what you did then and it’s okay what you’re doing now. That’s the decisions that made sense for you then but now something else makes sense for you. There doesn’t have to be a sort of cleansing with every new phase, you’re still an integrated ‘you’ the whole way through, with a different approach.