OMG, I'm laughing so hard I'm snorting.

As usual, there are several runners-up I find funnier than the grand prize winner, but hey, everyone's a winner if you can get recognized for writing BADLY.

Still, the first thing I thought about the winner was "Hey, I'm involved in the local debate about setting up a wind farm near here - totally for it - and I know WIND TURBINES DON'T DO THAT..." then I realized that was part of what made it BAD WRITING.

I loved "She gazed smolderingly at the mysterious rider, his body cloaked in enough shining black leather to outfit an Italian furniture store, wrapped so tightly each muscle stood out like a flamboyant Mexican hairdresser at an Alabamian monster truck rally; and he met her gaze with an intensity that couldn't have been matched by even a starving junkyard dog in the meat aisle of a suburban supermarket."

And "No one walked down Bleak Street at night—not where hobgoblins hobnobbed, skeletons skulked, vampires vamped, and the dumpster behind the Chinese buffet smelled like zombies."

And the 'Vile Pun' "Monroe Mills' innovative new fabric-dyeing technique was a huge improvement over stone-washing: denim apparel was soaked in color and cured in an 800-degree oven, and the company's valued young dye department supervisor was as skilled as they came; yes, no one could say Marilyn was a normal jean baker."