Hehheh. I would probably say in a tiny voice, "I was just trying to figure out that rib pattern" and slink away.

A couple of weeks ago I saw a guy on the train in full military fatigues, reading and making marks in a seed catalog. I thought that was kind of awesome.

Heh. I used to be quite active in a local bike club (as in bicycles, not motorcycles), and quite often we would ride to some destination far outside the city to eat lunch.

I recall one ride where we headed to a pub (in Stouffville, for those who know the Toronto area) and when I walked in wearing my cycling clothes, I got a "what are you supposed to be?" sort of stare from one of the patrons at the bar.

I didn't even have to say anything, but much like your friend, he quickly realized I am 6'4", 250 lbs, and have just ridden 30 miles up hill and I'm not even tired. All of a sudden he decided his beer was really interesting.

I don't think I'm even a scary-looking person, but I did find the change of attitude kind of funny.

Man, I wish I were able to physically intimidate people. That must feel good.

I recall one ride where we headed to a pub (in Stouffville, for those who know the Toronto area) and when I walked in wearing my cycling clothes, I got a "what are you supposed to be?" sort of stare from one of the patrons at the bar.

Wow, a Stouffville mention on MetaChat! I grew up on a farm just outside of Stouffville. And I'm not surprised that you should have gotten that reaction from a guy in a bar there.

Man, I wish I were able to physically intimidate people. That must feel good.

But you can still psychologically intimidate them!

LT and I get stared at a lot in our new town. It's kind of hilarious - we were utterly unremarkable where we lived last, and I'm unremarkable in the town where I work, but our weekend casual dress doesn't fit in with the dominant aesthetic of our present suburban bedroom community. We don't even dress oddly, just with different choices than the fairly standard uniform styles of the moneyed Boston Burbs. I often catch people looking at us and find it odd. I tend to just look back at them curiously - they get uncomfortable with the eye contact and look away eventually.

I still haven't figured this out, but I feel like people are staring at me all the time. I tend to aim for invisibility (standing behind/next to poles, lurking in shadows), if at all possible.

Just got here - I was thinking about this situation a few minutes ago. I kind of like the character Jack Walsh's approach in 'Midnight Run': ask "Are you gonna propose to me? No? Because if you're not, don't keep starin' at me! "

I find myself staring at people's clothes and accessories lately, just scrutinizing their watches, bags, jewelery out of curiosity cause I've kinda been leveling up my knowledge of these things so it's kinda interesting. then I have to remind myself to break away after a few seconds..

Man, I wish I were able to physically intimidate people. That must feel good.

Most of the time, it doesn't feel good, because I'm not doing it on purpose and I don't like to make people feel unsafe. I do have to admit that I don't really mind it when an interaction starts out with somebody trying to make me feel unsafe, and the situation then gets reversed when they think it through a little more.

I do tend to stare at people who are knitting, because it's kind of hypnotic.

I do tend to stare at people who are knitting, because it's kind of hypnotic.

Yup. Me too.

Oh, I don't resent it when people stare at my hands while I'm knitting (or doing other kinds of needlework) on the TTC. There's not much else to look at, and I know the rhythmic motion catches and holds the eye. Plenty of people ask me about what I'm working on, and that's fine too. I just thought Gary would *really* get stared at, because although it's common for women to knit on public transit, one doesn't often see a man doing it. I'd love to see that change and I don't think a man should need to be Gary's size before he can do needlework in public without taking flak for it.

Most of the time, it doesn't feel good, because I'm not doing it on purpose and I don't like to make people feel unsafe.

Not long ago I was walking along Bloor one night and, just as I was passing under an overpass, I heard steps behind me that seemed to be overtaking me. I turned to look at the guy, and I probably looked somewhat anxious, because as he passed me he said, quietly, "You've got nothing to fear from me." I felt bad for the guy, who didn't deserve to be treated with suspicion. It's a shame that human beings have to be on guard with each other when violent strangers are the rare exception.

Stouffville, eh? Heh, my mom's best friend and her husband are from there...spent a bunch of time there as a kid!

As for being intimidating, I admit that I also can appreciate that 6'3", 250lbs of me can settle jerks down on occasion. But I've also frightened people accidentally. Once, late at night, I went into a convenience store and realized that the young woman working was visibly afraid of me. At the time, I was young, and had a big mop of hair, and black leather coat on...it was a bit of a wakeup call for me, that I might want to re-think how I presented myself to the world!

But, yeah, when some jerk corners me in my car, and wants to yell at me...and I unfold myself into a standing position to have him immediately tell me to eff off, before leaving in a hurry...it does come in handy.

I know I'm getting old . . . well, for so many reasons, but also . . . because this thread makes me think of two unrelated stories.

Story one: my former colleague and friend, a tall fit ex Marine who was one of the best needlepointers I've ever met. He did needlepoint every AM on the Seattle ferry to and from Bainbridge Island -- a huge ferry with hundreds of people there to ogle him. He always looked perfectly composed and expert, and he also hung his gorgeous needlepoint in his office.

Story two: My husband told me early in our relationship that he always napped in the late afternoon. Stretched out on his couch near the front door of his house -- with the door unlocked, and sometimes left open. When my mouth dropped open, and I told him how afraid I would be to do that, he explained he's a big guy and never has worried about being attacked. And it is true, he really doesn't worry about it. I'm still amazed to be so close to someone who doesn't have to share my eternal awareness that my size and gender make me very vulnerable to others. Though I do the quelling stare too, Miko.

I had a very close buzz cut for 10 years, and being a 5'-1" petite woman, got pretty used to being stared at. I realized how accustomed I'd become when my mom was visiting: we'd taken the bus somewhere and she murmured to me "Man, you really get stared at a lot!" I hadn't even noticed. (I'm happy to say that although there were many hostile moments because of that hair style, most of the people who actually said something were complimentary. Like the tall black dude in San Francisco who saw me coming a block away, unabashedly and admiringly stared and smiled the whole time we were walking towards each other, and when he passed me, quietly said "Beautiful!" Made my day.)

About being physically intimidating: I can totally see how being a big guy could come in handy, but it is indeed a shame that in this society, women have to watch men like this carefully. Thanks to you to those men who think about how to be reassuring in the moment.

The only time I came across as physically intimidating was frankly very enjoyable for me. I had the close buzz cut, was wearing some cool shades, a leather jacket, motorcycle boots and jeans, and carrying my pool cue in a hard case. A visibly nervous man crossed the street to avoid walking past me. Made me feel bad-ass as HELL.

Apparently I have a very common face, because people who stare at me frequently say "Don't I know you?" They never do. I always want to say Do you watch Food Network? Because Ina Garten is my doppleganger.

6'5", 240 pounds here. It really has only been recently (current age: 45) that I've started to become self-conscious about my size. I don't know if it's that people stare more now that I'm older, or if I just notice or mind it more (I suspect it's one of the latter two). I get a double-take once a day at least, rounding a corner or getting on an elevator. People love to comment, too, and feel free to because they see the comments as compliments. Me, I just feel looked at all the time.

Yo motherfucker, what the fuck you lookin' at? Yo, get out my motherfuckin' face right now!

Yo man, trip this: I was out on the ave, man; this dude wouldn't let me roll so I pulled out my motherfuckin' nine and I smoked his ass!

....

Yo, I had a motherfuckin' dream, man.

What the fuck was the dream about, G?

I dreamed that I was hard.

Oh geez, the looks the mister and I received when I was still colouring my hair. Me with red hair, thinner and looking much younger than my mid-30s and the mister with silver hair; I'm sure they must have thought I was a trophy wife. If they only knew how wrong they were!

And speaking of getting funny looks in small towns. The mister, his bro and the bro's wife were out fishing and stopped at a store in Little Fort, BC (so small there's not a wiki page for it) to get gas and snacks. The mister wears tights under his neoprenes because it can get freakin' cold standing in a river. Anyway, he had shucked down to those tights, a long shirt and runners. He got some serious ogling. Two weeks later they're out fishing again. They stop at the same little store in Little Fort. This time the mister is in regular clothes. The cashier checking them out starts going on and on about this guy they saw a couple weeks ago wearing tights! Yes, just like a woman wears! The mister and my in-laws start laughing, of course, and tell the cashier that the tight wearing guy is right in front of him. The guy turns bright red and doesn't say another word.

I totally stare at people. I just think people are interesting! When I catch myself I stop though...