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04 March 2011

Can we do another fake AskMe thread? Pleeeease? [special snowflake details inside] [More:]

Dear AskMeFi,

So, after a long relationship, I feel like I've been through some trauma. I have been out of the game so long, I no longer remember how to date. Sure, I've tried all the normal things: bars, internet meetups, and even church groups. But it all comes down to the same thing: I don't know how to approach women. Even with online dating; it never seems to go anywhere. I'd hoped by this point in my life, I would finally have figured, well, not everything, but things out.

It used to be that I didn't know what I wanted. I was chasing everything and anything and throwing myself into situations that couldn't possibly be safe or advisable for anyone to ever undergo. And it was through one of these situations that I met my ex (let's call her Catherine). We were together for six years, and during that time, I learned a lot about myself, and my wants and needs and expectations from a woman. But more than that; I've reached my inner feminist and I feel like I really understand what women need, and what I can give to them. As a sensative individual, I know that it's no longer all about me.

But at the same time, my former relationship taught me that I must stand up for myself at times, and look out for my own interests because no one else will. I've definitely been taken advantage of a lot in previous situations—not just relationships—because of my willingness to please others. It's almost as if it's a need in itself. There has to be some middle grounds, but God forgive me as I can't seem to find it. But I'm getting better at identifying what I need and want but not how to get it. It seems like there's alwas something that's just out of reach. Time and time again, I've been tried, but I keep striving. I think it's important not to give up.

So now I'm at this point in my life where I know what I want but I can't get it. Or maybe I just don't know how. So now I've come to you for help, because I'm trying to understand just this one thing. How does one "hit it and quit it"?

[pages of rantings clipped due to the MetaChat character limit as well as my patience]
Help me justify building a trebuchet behind our condo to my S.O. [more inside]
posted by Eideteker 04 March | 10:46
What does "hit it and quit it" mean?
posted by JanetLand 04 March | 10:48
How do I start a Boeing 747? It seems like it's maybe an older model, and there are so many switches, buttons, dials, and whatnot in here that I'm hopelessly confused.
posted by FishBike 04 March | 11:16
Dude, where's my jetpack?
posted by dorgla 04 March | 11:18
Is neutering reversible?
posted by Trilby 04 March | 11:19
How do I get the person to realize she should stay home with me all day, every day? She keeps leaving for some mysterious place she calls "work" five days a week and telling me that "kitty treats don't grow on trees". Who would bother picking them off trees when they're in the cupboard by the fridge? Duh. She doesn't seem to realize that her life should revolve around me.
posted by Trilby 04 March | 11:21
What does human flesh taste like? And if I should nibble a little off someone, would they miss it or would it be like shedding hair is for me?
posted by Trilby 04 March | 11:22
Sure, we can do a fake thread. But first you have to ask a fake question. :-P
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 04 March | 11:28
Is there a dating site for cats? I'd like one that allows risqué photos if possible.
posted by Trilby 04 March | 11:29
How do I get my neighbour's cat to stop being such a pussy?
posted by Trilby 04 March | 11:36
do celebs get their clothes / accessories for free for limited times or something? or are they just phenomenally deep pocketed in a way I can't conceive of? (also not really a fake question)
posted by Firas 04 March | 11:37
Is there a way for me to make some money from my cat's ability to type 70 words a minute without exacerbating his internet addiction?
posted by Orange Swan 04 March | 11:38
I shot a shark several years ago and put the meat in the freezer. Is it still safe to eat?

When I was 4, I fell asleep during a TV show my parents were watching. It involved aliens, swings, rainbows, and tangerine ice cream cones. Can anyone help me identify it?

I love my partner, even though she beats me, sleeps around, drinks heavily, and often doesn't come home for days. What should I buy for her birthday?
posted by bearwife 04 March | 11:59
I finished my doctoral thesis a couple of hours ago but wasn't happy with the layout, so I asked another student how to reformat it in Word. He told me to click Start/Run and then type "format c: /s" which he said would sort me out. The computer is acting all funny now and I have to hand in my thesis in 20 minutes. My question: do I print off my thesis in double or 1.5 spacing?
posted by Senyar 04 March | 12:09
Why can't I ever get the pot centered on the burner?
posted by galadriel 04 March | 13:06
Does anyone wax floors anymore?
posted by JanetLand 04 March | 13:12
How come when I tell people I'm sad they tell me I'm not? Are they trying to make me crazy?
posted by JanetLand 04 March | 13:13
How do I tell this person I like them?
posted by Joe Beese 04 March | 13:21
How much milk should I put on my cereal? And will the box hold the milk, or will it go soggy?
posted by Orange Swan 04 March | 13:27
How do you put yourself out if you're on fire?

I'm asking for a friend.
posted by Eideteker 04 March | 14:08
Why must it always rain on the Friday afternoons that I'd planned to spend running errands?
posted by Orange Swan 04 March | 14:14
They say there's no such thing as a stupid question. Is there?
posted by Orange Swan 04 March | 14:16
How rude is it to not reply to a fucking email or message? Which I am completely guilty of without giving a crap.
posted by fleacircus 04 March | 14:19
Webdesign Question: Do I look fat in this font?
posted by oneswellfoop 04 March | 14:52
What is it with the men out there today? Whenever I date, it turns out that the guy's either some loser I don't like and who won't leave me alone, or I like him but he won't respond to my emails, phone calls or floral deliveries. What gives?
posted by Orange Swan 04 March | 14:53
Wow. This question is pretty much the exact thing I would have posted here in this thread.
posted by Madamina 04 March | 15:43
OUCH, Orange Swan! So true!

Actually, I saw this newly posted relationship question and was sure it belonged here.

How can I reconcile my bleeding liberal upbringing with the fact that I feel all right-wing conservative now?
posted by Melismata 04 March | 15:46
Jinx Madamina! :)
posted by Melismata 04 March | 15:47
How long until the bodies stop smelling?
posted by Thorzdad 04 March | 15:52
Aren't we always jinxing each other anyways with the names and all?

Clearly, great minds think alike :)
posted by Madamina 04 March | 16:40
How long until the bodies stop smelling?

First, be smart from the very beginning...
posted by Madamina 04 March | 16:41
Oh, I know - just date meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Just kidding, I'm fucking crazy.
posted by SassHat 04 March | 18:10
Also - should I eat these deviled eggs which I doused in MSRA and left to incubate in a sweaty locker room for 48 hours?
posted by SassHat 04 March | 18:11
It's common knowledge that my emotions control the weather. With that in mind, which is the best blender I can get for watching Leno?
posted by gc 04 March | 18:27
There was an AskMe about Chemtrails a while back that I was certain was a troll, but now I can't find it. It did get 30+ comments and it stayed around for a while, so I have no idea if it survived or not.
posted by gc 04 March | 18:29
I just ran over a midget with my car. Will this negatively affect my insurance?
More inside:
Iíve heard that it wonít, but I want to make sure before calling this in.
Also: Does it make a difference one way or the other if itís a midget or a dwarf? And how can you tell the difference? (If it helps, the little guy was was bearded and wearing a three-piece suit.)
posted by Atom Eyes 04 March | 19:39
Hi, I'm a woman in my thirties and live alone, but I can hear someone walking around on the first floor of my house right now, and I'm wondering what to do. Ok, scratch that, now whoever it is is coming up the stairs, so what do I do about that? And now it turns out it's a guy and.... Oh my God! OH MY GOD!!!! sEND HEL
posted by Orange Swan 04 March | 21:22
No risque photos, Trilby, but very glamorous....

Kitty Wigs!
posted by Kronos_to_Earth 04 March | 21:34
Where do flies go when it rains?
posted by dg 06 March | 17:06
I'm a working woman and I have a four year old girl. The day care in my area is horrible. I'm going to leave her locked in her bedroom with lots of snacks and water left for her. She won't have access to a bathroom but I can leave her some pull-ups. My question is, what kind of water dispenser should I use? One for small pets like rabbits and guinea pigs (she's not very big) or a bowl similar to one used for cats and dogs (which I'm afraid she might tip over)?
posted by deborah 06 March | 19:06
It's common knowledge that my emotions control the weather. With that in mind, which is the best blender I can get for watching Leno?

Isn't Letterman funnier? And he tends to have better guests. You'll want a higher-end BlendTec for watching Letterman, just be careful not to induce hailstorms during the commercial breaks - that's where the "pulse" feature really comes in handy!
posted by Meatbomb 17 March | 23:53
Bad news on the cancer scan || Speed, bonny swan boat