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04 January 2011

On the internet, no one wants to hear your dreams [More:] Unless you have a great awesome epic one like Hugh Janus did!

But bunnies, I am shaken today because of this one:

A standard low level anxiety dream containing altered but familiar locations and people dog turning into two dogs (more to look after), my old apartment, late for rehearsal. This is all pretty normal dream scape.

My phone is ringing, but Ive had it on vibrate so wasnt hearing it. I answer and its my mom.

The condensed conversation is this:

Hello, this is your mother calling. Why didnt you pay your phone bill? Do you really not have forty-nine cents?

No, its paid, I paid it. Why would they be calling you about it?

I certainly dont know. I cant help. Im dead.

Mom, I love you so much, but Im late for rehearsal and I have to go, ok? I love you.

I hang up and freak, because I think shes going to call again and not be so nice the next time.

It was super scary because it was my current cell phone in the dream and it sounded, well, just like her on the phone, and she died three weeks ago.

I know in my head this is very normal processing, but brrrrrrrrr! I had trouble waking, it took me some time to understand it was definately a dream.

Anybody else have a notable dream lately?
I'm sorry about your mom, rainbaby. :(
posted by mudpuppie 04 January | 13:57
I'm sorry too. That is a stressful dream.
posted by Miko 04 January | 14:12
I'm sorry too, hon, much love your way. It's a tough time. I had several dreams after my mom died and in all of them she was mad at me. It was hard - it made a hard time even harder, really - but finally I figured well, look, I'm sorry, Mom's ghost, I know I failed all over the place and was a disappointment and so on but all we have to work with now is what we got going on from here. I love you and I miss you and that's not going to change. Since then I've hardly had any dreams where she's mad at me. I more have these sort of baffling dreams where she's just - there, like at a party or something.
posted by mygothlaundry 04 January | 15:29
Sorry to hear about your mom. I think that dream would shake me too. My most recent memorable dream was as follows:

I am an assassin posing as a photographer. The lens of my camera works as a lens when in AF mode, but a gun when in MF mode.

I have been hired by a Chinese mafia family to kill some dude in a suit. I do - his brains splatter all over me. The Chinese mafia people are impressed with my work, and take me to their super secret hideout so I can shower and have drinks to celebrate.

The super secret hideout is a compound inside a mountain, but still manages to have sunlight and wonderful open, green courtyards. The walls of all the buildings, inside and out, are white.

I am taken into a guest house of sorts, where I am told that there are 39 showers in the building. I say I may need to take 39 showers to get all the brain matter out of my hair. The hardwood floors are stained very dark.

After I have showered, I leave because I'm late to meet the BF and his family at church. I have never been to this church before, but am going because they want me to try it. The building is almost stadium size, and has ramps on the outside of the building to get up and down it's many floors (like many stadiums). I sit in the front row.

The service begins with announcements. Something about what new robes the choir is going to pick. We are to vote on either black/purple or white/red. Each member of the choir will also be able to pick an emblem to have embroidered on the robe. NASCAR images are available this year.

Blah blah blah more announcements. I am apparently looking sad because dhartung walks up and hands me a note asking if I need to talk. I tell him I'm just bored and thank him for the gesture.

The next part of the service is a presentation by the youth group (?). It is the evolution of life on earth, but doesn't use any humans. First there are various torque display instruments bumbling about. They are eaten by larger torque calibration machines. They are attacked by aliens, much like the ones from Toy Story, but larger. The aliens then have to scale a mountain to avoid being attacked by some unseen enemy. They hover up the slope, but are eventually overcome by little ducks that look like they're made of clear jelly.

I am annoyed that there hasn't been one prayer or hymn, or even a hint at a sermon, so I decide to go to my car and wait for the BF and his family. One of the clear jelly ducks follows me out, and he's so cute I decide to keep him.

It's been snowing, so the ramp we're walking down is covered in gray snow. It's slushy and we leave deep, wet footprints behind us. We have to go through the attached homeless shelter to get to the parking lot.

Since it's been snowing, the shelter is full. Everyone is wearing brightly colored snowpants and winter jackets. They also all have skis. It's a good thing the shelter has the tall storage racks and cages for skis. My duck and I navigate our way through the masses of people, stepping over those sleeping on the floor, and sometimes on those sleeping in clear, underbed storage containers.

Upon reaching the parking lot, I can see that many other people are leaving early, so I decide to move my car into a spot closer to the door. I drive a black Chevy Camero with tinted windows and a leather interior. It's awesome. Because I'm an assassin.
posted by youngergirl44 04 January | 15:41
posted by Eideteker 04 January | 15:43
I had a dream just last night that my husband told me he wanted to leave me. And I couldn't figure out why, and I was trying to fight him. And then he's like, ok, I gotta go, give me a kiss. And I was like AH HA SEE YOU STILL WANT TO KISS ME, YOU MUST LOVE ME. It was one of those mornings it took a few minutes to realize the whole thing wasn't real and then it was a huge relief.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 04 January | 16:34
I am sorry for your loss, rainbaby.

My dreams tend to be epic like youngergirl's. Or I end up very angry at family members. Both types tend to stick with me for a while after I wake up.
posted by deborah 04 January | 18:31
Thanks so much, guys. I've had atypical grief responses because we were not close, and I wasn't there, and it was expected, etc., but now stuff is coming out all weird, and I'm able to reach out for a little support, like here and at work and stuff.

That is epic, youngergirl44. I understand epic, but I don't think I've killed anyone in my dreams except myself, and horrid foetus creatures, and I can't remember if I won or they won, that one.

posted by rainbaby 04 January | 19:06
I have had a recurring dream where in a top Ivy League is in fact a fascist training camp. It's the particular flavor you follow (they have different types for science geeks and other nationalities) it's more an over arching theme of working for this Higher, Sinister Group in order to create a pan-national movement.
posted by The Whelk 04 January | 20:59
Hugs, rainbaby; big, big hugs. Be easy on yourself. You've always got a hand to hold, there's always someone who cares about your dreams. Don't forget to hug yourself, too. You'll always be there when you wake up.

Also, condolences. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Rest well.
posted by Hugh Janus 04 January | 21:07
posted by initapplette 04 January | 21:39
Oh rainbaby, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds complicated and difficult and I'm very sad for you and sending you warm thoughts and hugs.
posted by Kangaroo 04 January | 22:28
I am sorry for your loss rainbaby.

After my dad died, for years, I had this dream in which he'd come back for a short time in order for him and me to sort out our relationship. It invariably ended with him just sort of fading out without much connection having happened.

He died when I was 18 and I was in the middle of my draft resistor phase, giving notice that no way was I going to go to Vietnam. . .this caused a big rift in my family, plus I was the only one who was not present when he suddenly died.
posted by danf 04 January | 22:31
I know in my head this is very normal processing, but brrrrrrrrr!

Yup. That echoes my own experience exactly, rainbaby. Every time I've lost someone dear, I've had dreams after in which they returned, however briefly, and usually in the dream I still fail to resolve whatever dream issue they're there to talk about... because, of course, that's what the dream is telling me: that there are unresolved feelings.

I'm so sorry for your loss, rainbaby, and for this confusing, emotional (but --- you're right --- totally normal) processing symptom that intensifies the feelings of loss.

it took me some time to understand it was definately a dream.

Yeah. I still have these dreams and I still sometimes wake up uncertain of what part is imaginary. And I still remember the first one --- almost twenty years ago, about my grandmother --- with an echo of the shock that it held for me then. It felt so true.
posted by Elsa 05 January | 11:04
Sorry, rainbaby.
posted by Obscure Reference 05 January | 13:54
I have a small (~1 lb) pork tenderloin roast || Knitting agenda 2011