Ask MeCha: License to Meow Hi, I’m a housecat named Trilby and I want some advice about how to break into the international spy business.→[More:]

So, the person and I were watching a James Bond move awhile ago, and I was thinking this James Bond business seemed like something I’d like to do. I think I’m qualified. I’m four years old and in my prime, I’m handsome and well-groomed with a to-the-manor born air, women find me irresistible, I’ve got an IQ of at least 45, I’m good at opening cupboards and inspecting things, and I’ve got killer instincts. Mice and insects don’t stand a chance when I’m around, no reflected light ever gets by me, and as for the bathmat, well, it’s my bitch. (Pardon my language, please. I’m usually more gentlemanly.)

I practice my combat skills regularly on my toys and stray bits of yarn. I’m well-travelled, having been on the TTC twice in the last year or so, not to mention the half a dozen times or so I snuck outside. And the person has even mentioned that she might make me a black bow tie out of a black bow she has left over from some craft or other, so that I'll have the wardrobe for the job. I think she might have been joking though. It’s hard to tell with her.

I've been working up a resumé. Here's what I've got so far:

Aliases: Trilby-Wilby, Tril, the Trilster, Evil One, Tuna Breath, and Will You Let Me Sleep You Little Asshole.

Currently: Regular inspection of Swan’s End for any and all suspicious activity. Keeping an eye on an operative who dwells in the basement of Swan’s End. He seems to be known as The Tenant. He acts friendly, too friendly, and I feel I am close to finding out what his presence really means. Whenever he's hanging around at the back of the house I surveil him from the kitchen window. He seems to be practicing some kind of maneuvers with lighters at times, and my current theory is that he's a pyromaniac.

Accomplishments to date: Ridding Swan’s End of terrorist mice.

Skills: Ninja leaps of up to five feet. Keen sense of smell. Skilled masseur. Stealthy. Also can play the piano.

Interests: Yarn, naps, kitty treats.

So, any advice?