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03 January 2011

Ask MeCha: License to Meow Hi, Iím a housecat named Trilby and I want some advice about how to break into the international spy business.[More:]

So, the person and I were watching a James Bond move awhile ago, and I was thinking this James Bond business seemed like something Iíd like to do. I think Iím qualified. Iím four years old and in my prime, Iím handsome and well-groomed with a to-the-manor born air, women find me irresistible, Iíve got an IQ of at least 45, Iím good at opening cupboards and inspecting things, and Iíve got killer instincts. Mice and insects donít stand a chance when Iím around, no reflected light ever gets by me, and as for the bathmat, well, itís my bitch. (Pardon my language, please. Iím usually more gentlemanly.)

I practice my combat skills regularly on my toys and stray bits of yarn. Iím well-travelled, having been on the TTC twice in the last year or so, not to mention the half a dozen times or so I snuck outside. And the person has even mentioned that she might make me a black bow tie out of a black bow she has left over from some craft or other, so that I'll have the wardrobe for the job. I think she might have been joking though. Itís hard to tell with her.

I've been working up a resumé. Here's what I've got so far:

Aliases: Trilby-Wilby, Tril, the Trilster, Evil One, Tuna Breath, and Will You Let Me Sleep You Little Asshole.

Currently: Regular inspection of Swanís End for any and all suspicious activity. Keeping an eye on an operative who dwells in the basement of Swanís End. He seems to be known as The Tenant. He acts friendly, too friendly, and I feel I am close to finding out what his presence really means. Whenever he's hanging around at the back of the house I surveil him from the kitchen window. He seems to be practicing some kind of maneuvers with lighters at times, and my current theory is that he's a pyromaniac.

Accomplishments to date: Ridding Swanís End of terrorist mice.

Skills: Ninja leaps of up to five feet. Keen sense of smell. Skilled masseur. Stealthy. Also can play the piano.

Interests: Yarn, naps, kitty treats.

So, any advice?
You're going to have to learn how to ignore a laser pointer dot (many agents have been led to their doom...), and for God's sake be careful which toys you take on.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth 03 January | 21:57
Um, kitty agents, that is.
posted by Kronos_to_Earth 03 January | 22:26
I suppose your next step would be to decide which government you want to work for.
posted by JanetLand 04 January | 13:28
Or perhaps you'd like to be a free agent. Cats are like that.
posted by deborah 04 January | 18:17
Also can play the piano.

In order to truly evaluate Trilby's rťsumť, I need to see some videos of piano playing.
posted by Obscure Reference 05 January | 13:47
I really just want to meet Pussy Galore. She sounds like my kind of girl.
posted by Trilby 05 January | 21:17
I suppose your next step would be to decide which government you want to work for.

Which goverment gives out the best treats? This will be a major factor in my decision.
posted by Trilby 16 April | 14:42
OOooooooo Osechi! || 1922 Kodachrome Film Test