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24 September 2010

How about another Friday Night Question? Time for another random query from The Book Of Questions.→[More:]

#55 Would you like your spouse to be both smarter and more attractive than you?

post by: BoringPostcards at: 20:00 | 26 comments

I say yes. I don't think I would feel threatened.

posted by LoriFLA 24 September | 20:02

Yes, definitely. If I was feeling cynical, I might even say it's not theoretically possible for the situation to be otherwise.

posted by FishBike 24 September | 20:04

He is smarter and more attractive! So....yeah.

posted by iconomy 24 September | 20:14

Yes. And nicer.

posted by serazin 24 September | 20:23

Hell yeah, but it won't ever happen.

posted by Ardiril 24 September | 20:29

Historically, I have dated guys who are more attractive but not as smart as me.

And that hasn't really worked.

So yeah, more attractive AND smarter than me sounds good.

posted by amro 24 September | 20:47

The attractiveness part is an automatic yes. (Hubba hubba) The smartness part... hmmm. I like to feel like equals with my partner. I think I might find it hard to bond with someone who I thought operated on a different mental level than I do.

That said, my partner is smarter than me about many things, and I guess I'm smarter than him on others. We complement each other well in that respect, and we both feel like we're basically a match overall. Which is good.

posted by BoringPostcards 24 September | 20:47

Sure, it would be great.

posted by ethylene 24 September | 21:00

Hrm. My husband is much smarter than me (although I have more common sense) and he is very attractive to me, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that I am to him, too, so...

If I were dating, sure. I like attractive men, I like smart men.

posted by gaspode 24 September | 21:01

I am going to be the dissenting and shallow voice and say that I would not want a partner more attractive than me because it would feed my insecurities. My first husband was, I felt, much more attractive than me and I sometimes wondered why he was with me. Not that those insecurities were his fault, only that they used his attractiveness against me. My current partner is very attractive to me, but I don't think he's as mainstream-attractive as I am.

Pretty sure I would also have a problem with a partner who is a lot smarter than me, I'm stubborn and like to be right. But I do appreciate a partner who is smarter than me in some respects and I'm smarter than him in some respects. It feeds my need to be right but also teaches me new things and viewpoints.

posted by rhapsodie 24 September | 21:36

yes because that would happen inevitably.

posted by The Whelk 24 September | 22:00

But I do appreciate a partner who is smarter than me in some respects and I'm smarter than him in some respects.

This is exactly how i feel as well.

posted by flapjax at midnite 24 September | 22:07

I asked my husband and he gave the right answer- "You already are!"

posted by ThePinkSuperhero 24 September | 22:11

More attractive yes, smarter no (equal in that).

posted by brujita 24 September | 22:51

I am usually attracted to people who I feel are smarter than me, so I would say yes.

posted by typewriter 24 September | 22:54

Yes. I would try harder.

posted by Savannah 24 September | 22:56

At least as attractive (it's not tough!), and smarter than me is a good thing - would keep me on my toes.

posted by sysinfo 24 September | 23:34

I'd say he already is :) We're smart in different ways, and he's so gentle about it that I learn so many unexpected things without feeling threatened. I think my other partners have been pretty threatened by me, which led to them putting me down a fair amount.

So it would have to be the right situation, but so far it's working out nicely.

posted by Madamina 25 September | 00:29

Wouldn't bother me either way. Equal would be best, I guess.

posted by dg 25 September | 06:34

Mine already is.

However, I can't say how she feels about having a dumber and uglier spouse.

posted by terrapin 25 September | 12:33

I'd like someone about the same on the smart scale [my SO has complementary smarts to mine which is maybe best] and nicer than me. Lookswise as long as we're in the same general ballpark I'd be okay.

posted by jessamyn 25 September | 12:36

I don't know whether my husband is more attractive than me. I have a hard time being objective about my level of attractiveness. But he is cute!

I think we are very evenly matched intelligence-wise, but we have very different areas of expertise. He is also very slightly less funny than me, which is perfect.

posted by jeoc 25 September | 15:35

The mister and my smarts are complementary to each other, which I think, like others have said, is the best combo. He is better looking than I am, but not enough to be intimidating. So, I think my answer is no because I like it this way.

posted by deborah 25 September | 15:58

I suspect my husband is the better looking of the two of us. He suspects I'm the smarter of the two. (I'm not sure that one of us is smarter than the other. He's fiercely intelligent and knowledgeable about many things; I'm knowledgeable about other things and adept at pattern recognition and evaluating big-picture stuff.)

I like that uncertainty and unwillingness to rank ourselves: each of us thinks so highly of the other, which is a mighty nice way to live.

I'll tell you this, though: The Fella is kinder than I am, and I'm grateful for that every day. It gives me something to aim for!

posted by Elsa 25 September | 16:37

I think that there are so many different kinds of intelligence, and beauty, that it's hard to directly compare two people that way.

Or, alternately, sure, both smarter and more attractive sound good.

posted by box 25 September | 17:34

there are so many different kinds of intelligence, and beauty, that it's hard to directly compare two people that way.

I'm with you on this idea.

posted by BoringPostcards 25 September | 23:40

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