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26 June 2010

I'm having a party on Friday and two of my circle of friends don't get along. Mainly because he (who is engaged) repeatedly makes unwanted sexual propositions to her.[More:]

Most people don't know about this though, and I don't think people in general think he is sleazy or understand the backstory. I invited her but not him. How do I explain it if people ask why he wasn't invited? She doesn't want to make a fuss about things and I don't feel it is my place to break her confidence. If I asked her, I know she would say to invite him and his fiance, and she would stay home, but that seems unfair, and I am much closer to her anyway.
Are people going to ask that? I can't imagine they'd ask why he wasn't invited if they don't know he wasn't invited. I feel like people will mostly ask, oh, where's Bob? And you can say, oh, I really don't know, can I get you a drink/snack/seat?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 26 June | 13:09
If people should ask you why you didn't invite him, you might say something vague like, "Oh well, we couldn't have everyone come," or "It wasn't possible for him to come," and then change the subject.

Good for you for siding with your female friend, though. I wouldn't want to invite him to anything, even if she wasn't coming, after behaving like that.
posted by Orange Swan 26 June | 14:44
I would call him sometime and tell him what's what.
posted by Ardiril 26 June | 15:17
Unless they plan on having an open marriage, I feel sorry for his future wife. If anyone asks just say he couldn't make it. Because....he couldn't. Because he wasn't invited ;)

Hey punch, would you update your profile with a valid email address, please? Only the mods can see it if you don't check Check this to allow other users to view your email address. Everyone who posts here has to provide a working email address. Thanks.
posted by iconomy 26 June | 15:38
Yeah, my female friend has asked me not to make a fuss about this, and I respect that.
posted by punch 26 June | 21:24
Longer term, you could take him aside and just, you know, as a favour, let him know that she has [STD of choice].
posted by dg 28 June | 05:03
Longer term, you could take him aside and just, you know, as a favour, let him know that that she has [STD of choice]

... he's setting up to ruin his future marriage (unless it's an agreed-upon open marriage).

Don't get her involved any more than she is already.

If the party is small enough, it'll be obvious when he's hitting on her, and people would a) make light of the situation, b) try to ignore it's going on, c) confront him because she will be awkward, ill-at-ease or annoyed, or d) confront him because he's engaged. Any of the above possibilities will go poorly for your female friend, and could ruin the friendship amongst the group, depending on what happens.

Without knowing all the personal details, I'd say you should call him on his shitty behavior, or just cut him off.
posted by filthy light thief 28 June | 18:30
have discovered that Axe scents break down || Saturday 3-pointer