NO I HAVEN'T FINISHED THE CLOSEOUT PAPERWORK YET! CONSTANTLY BUGGING ME ABOUT IT WILL NOT CLEAR OFF MY TO-DO LIST ANY FASTER.

Is it possible that Lucy had a scare on her way in or out, EJ? The only time our cat BooBoo ever pooped inside (not in the box) was when lightning struck the electrical meter. Poor BooBoo: allllll over the bed.

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO YELL ABOUT BUT I'M CERTAIN I WILL LATER! RAR!

IT RAINED 10" LAST WEEK AND HAS RAINED 6" IN THE PAST TWO DAYS BOSTON AND RHODE ISLAND ARE DROWNING!!

I HAVE HAD NO "DOWN" TIME IN MORE THAN A WEEK AND WON'T GET ANY THIS WEEKEND WITH EASTER AND A BELATED PASSOVER DINNER! NEED NEED NEED DOWN TIME!!

I'm pretty sure it's because of the tom cat(s) that came in and sprayed - I thought I had got the smell out, but clearly not. What she's doing is called 'middening', and it's a reaction to other strong cat smells.

I'll go down to Pets at Home tomorrow to buy some spray, but in the meantime I've cleaned everything with disinfectant, I've gone over the floor with an Orange Glo wood floor cleaner that smells like bubblegum now it's dried, and I've sprayed the sofa, curtains and rugs with Febreze.

Poor little cat. She's such a sensitive soul.

I DONT CARE ABOUT PALM WINE HIGH LIFE MUSIC PROFESSOR!!! LET US GO ENJOY THE WEATHER!

This spell checker doesn't like Rhode.

Poor Lucy kitty!

EEEEE I AM WEIRDLY TIRED AND HYPER! I DON'T WANT TO GET UP OFF THE COUCH AND DO ANYTHING BUT AT THE SAME TIME FEEL A GREAT AMOUNT OF PRESSURE TO GET SOMETHING DONE! I AM STRESSED OUT AND MY HIP HURTS AND MY FOOT HURTS AND MY UNDERWEAR HAVE BEEN UP MY BUTT ALL DAY AND I THINK I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF WINE HOLD ME!

DEAR ANNOYING CHEMIST GUY: BOSS AND I ARE BOTH WISE TO YOUR WAYS. IF YOU CONSISTENTLY LEAVE THINGS 'TIL THE VERY LAST MINUTE AND THEN RUSH IN HERE ALL "ZOMG THERE'S A VENDOR COMING ONSITE THIS AFTERNOON AND WE DON'T HAVE THE NDA IN PLACE AND...AND...AND..." WHEN YOU'VE KNOWN ABOUT THIS VISIT FOR A MONTH, YOU MUST REALISE HOW MUCH THIS MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A NO-TALENT INCOMPETENT DUMBASS??? WELL THEN.

ALSO: SQUIRRELLY CUSTOMER IS SQUIRRELLY!!!

I sprained my lower back. It's terribly annoying. I walk around like an 80 year old if I can move at all. This morning it took me 45 minutes of continuously trying before I found a way to get out of bed. Next time I'll take my painkillers with me to bed.
Very undignified.

(I don't shout if I can help it)

I JUST WENT TO MOVE A PLASTIC BAG I PUT ON THE FLOOR WHEN I CAME IN BECAUSE I HAD POOP TO CLEAN UP, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT LUCY HAS PEED ON IT, PROBABLY BECAUSE I YELLED "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" WHEN I SAW THE POOP. Now I feel really guilty for shouting at her. INSIDE THE BAG WAS THE BOX OF TEA THAT I'D BOUGHT FOR A FRIEND IN THE STATES, WHICH I HAVE NOW HAD TO THROW AWAY.

MY EYEBROWS STILL HURT!!!

THIS SEEMS TO BE THE SECOND, MAYBE THIRD, GO ROUND THIS MONTH WITH THE VIRUS WITHOUT SYMPTOMS. I DON'T HAVE A REAL COLD OR THE FLU OR A FEVER OR ANYTHING IDENTIFIABLE - I JUST FEEL LIKE SPACY, EXHAUSTED, ACHY, HEADACHY, MILD SORE THROAT-Y, MILDLY NAUSEATED SHIT. THIS IS GETTING REALLY OLD. ALSO I JUST SMASHED MY THUMB IN A DESK DRAWER BECAUSE CLOSING THE DRAWER WITH YOUR THUMB STILL INSIDE WILL DO THAT. ARGH.

I GOT A BOX OF SIX CANS OF CINCINNATI CHILI IN THE MAIL TODAY!! CINCINNATI CHILI PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!!

IT'S AMERICAN IDOL NIGHT, WHICH MEANS I'LL WASTE TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE WATCHING A TERRIBLE SHOW, ALL TO SEE MY FRIEND SING WONDERFULLY FOR 5 MINUTES. THE SHOW MAKES ME ANGRY BECAUSE I HATE THE JUDGES AND ALMOST ALL OF THE CONTESTANTS (NAMELY YOU, CRYSTAL BOWERSOX) AND YET I CANNOT STOP WATCHING.

THIS MORNING I ADDED A NEW ENTRY TO MY "THINGS TO NOT DO" LIST. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SAVE TIME BY PUTTING ON YOUR SHIRT WHILE WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS. YOU WILL STUMBLE AT THE EXACT MOMENT WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR ARMS INSIDE THE SHIRT AND NOT THROUGH THE SLEEVES YET, THUS MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO GRAB THE HANDRAIL.

SOMEHOW, NEITHER I NOR THE WALL REQUIRE ANY REPAIRS AS A RESULT. I DID GET THE "DUDE, WTF?" LOOK FROM THE CATS, HOWEVER.

AND NOW SOME SORT OF TRAIN DERAILMENT APPEARS THAT IT WILL MAKE A MESS OF MY HOMEWARD COMMUTE. GRAR, AND SO FORTH.

TODAY WAS MY DIVORCE FROM THAT LYING CHEATING POS!!! I AM YELLING BECAUSE I AM HAPPY. HAD A REAL STICKLER FOR A JUDGE - THE IDIOT CHOSE NOT TO SHOW UP SO WHY QUESTION ME ABOUT THINGS HE CLEARLY DID NOT CARE TO ARGUE OVER? EITHER WAY, IT'S DONE, I AM HAPPY AND RELIEVED.

I am sorry for all the injured bunnies here today; and I have no ideas about your cat, Essexjan, I'm sorry. I had one who used to pee on things to "get even". My bed pillow once, for example. Ick.

MY CATS HATE ME BECAUSE I'VE BEEN AWAY FOR A WEEK AND BORIS USES MY LEGS AS A SCRATCH POLE IF I DON'T PLAY WITH HIM AND HIS MOUSE INCESSANTLY, IT'S RISKY EVEN TYPING THIS MESSAGAAARGH

Good luck with the cat problem essexjan, maybe Lucy did have a scare and it won't be a problem

HUH! MY CAPSLOCK NO LONGER WORKS. I GUESS MY LAPTOP JUST WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY.

AND I AM TODAY BECAUSE HOLY GOD IT'S BEAUTIFUL OUT AND I HAVE THE DAY OFF AND THERE'S NO CLASS TODAY (TWO THINGS WHICH HAVE NOT OCCURRED ON THE SAME DAY IN AGES) SO I AM GOING TO GO DEVOUR CHICKEN&CASHEWS AND A CHEAP PAPERBACK UNDER MY FAVORITE SYCAMORE IN THE PARK AND LET LIFE BE GOOD FOR A FEW HOURS.

I CAN OFFER NO SOLUTIONS, JAN, BUT I FEEL YOUR PAIN. MINE DOES NOT POOP, BUT HE HAS LONG SINCE APPOINTED HIMSELF THE ARBITER OF HOUSEHOLD CLEANLINESS. IF I FAIL TO MAKE MY BED NEATLY ENOUGH, OR LEAVE ANYTHING IN AN UNTIDY PILE ON THE FLOOR, HE PISSES ON THE OFFENDING SPOT TO SHOW HIS DISAPPROVAL. SO VERY HELPFUL.

RAIN! PAIN! DISDAIN!

notquitemaryann-have you talked to a vet about the pissing behavior? With our cat, it was the first sign of feline diabetes. It was a pretty old cat, so we just let it live in the (air conditioned) garage where it couldn't really find anything to pee on.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR THREADING PERSON, JAN?! I HAD MINE THREADED LAST SUMMER AND IT TOOK LIKE THREE MINUTES AND DIDN'T HURT AT ALL!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND THE RESTAURANT MY CO-WORKERS TOOK ME TO WAS CLOSED!

MY MOM IS COMING TO VISIT AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO RAIN ALL WEEK!

I got Social Security disability on the first try (without even expecting to get it at all) BUT STILL HAVE TO WAIT TWO YEARS FOR MEDICARE! ARE THEY TRYING TO THIN OUT THE HERD?!?!?

I'M FUCKING CONFUSED ABOUT EYEBROWS AND WAXING VERSUS THREADING VERSUS TWEEZING!

Cat fluids suck. My former cat used to pee in shoes of those that upset her. And you could hide your shoes or put them in plastic baggies or whatever and she would still find a way to pee in them. Especially after vet visits.

I'VE NEVER HAD MY EYEBROWS WAXED AND EVERYONE WHO IS CONCERNED WITH THAT SEEMS TO REMIND ME ON A REGULAR BASIS SO I SUPPOSE ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL HAVE TO DO IT, BUT NOT WHERE MY MOM GETS HERS DONE BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS WINDS UP WITH ABOUT A 1/2" OF EYEBROW, WHICH IS FREAKISH LOOKING.

I HATE HOW MY BRAIN KEEPS OSCILLATING BETWEEN 'GO GO YOU CAN TOTES DO ALL THIS AND YOU'RE COMPLETELY AWESOME AND BITCHIN'' AND 'OH GOD TIME TO GO CURL UP IN A BALL AND DIE BECAUSE I CAN'T HANDLE ALL THESE DEMANDS SO FUCK THIS SHIT'. THAT IS NOT HELPING ME WRITE PAPERS. I HAVE 6 ASSIGNMENTS LEFT THIS SEMESTER AND ONLY Bs IN MY CLASSES, WHICH IS NFG.

THE BOX LADY IS COMING FOR A VISIT TOMORROW WHICH MEANS I AM GOING TO HAVE TO BUST MY ASS IN ORDER TO GET MY PILES OF CRAP (SERIOUSLY, I HAVE SHIT EVERYWHERE IN MY CORNER WHICH IS REALLY BAD SINCE SOME OF THE DRAWINGS ARE GETTING SQUISHED) INTO SOME SEMBLANCE OF MANAGEABLE ORDER BECAUSE LAST TIME SHE CAME WHEN I WAS NEAR THE END OF A SECTION OF THIS PROJECT, SHE WAS DISPLEASED WITH MY SQUISHING OF THE DRAWINGS. (ALTHOUGH SERIOUSLY, I'VE RUN OUT OF ROOM.)

I HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEPING, AGAIN. I'VE BEEN GETTING INTO BED AT THE RIGHT TIME, BUT THEN I START READING ONE OF THE BOOKS I'VE GOT OUT FROM THE LIBRARY AND BEFORE I KNOW IT, IT'S MIDNIGHT AND I'VE FINISHED A BOOK. I KNOW THIS IS STRESS, BRAIN, SO KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF. NOT SLEEPING ISN'T HELPING MATTERS.

THIS YOUTUBE LECTURE IS PRETTY DULL, BUT I'M NOT SURE IF THE PROFS WOULD BE ABLE TO TELL IF I TURNED DOWN THE VOLUME AND PUT ON SOME BSG AND MAYBE ATTEMPTED TO WORK ON MY 6 REMAINING ASSIGNMENTS.

Aaaaaaaaaaand NOW I'M SICK.

I KNEW I'D HAVE SOMETHING TO YELL ABOUT LATER!

TODAY THE LOCAL CHIPOTLE OFFERED A FREE MEAL TO ALL 260 EMPLOYEES OF MY WORKPLACE (YOU HAD TO SHOW YOUR NAMETAG). IT WAS ONE GASSY BOOKSTORE, LEMME TELL YA...

I GOT MY EYEBROWS WAXED YESTERDAY AND IT MADE MY SKIN VERY ANGRY! BUT THEN THE SAME WOMEN GAVE ME A MASSAGE TODAY AND IT MADE ME VERY HAPPY!

ALSO I MADE A VERY GOOD STIR-FRY DINNER!

I SHOULD BE GOING TO TAI CHI TONIGHT AFTER A 2 MONTH BREAK AFTER DROPPING A CHAIR ON MY FOOT BUT I'M TOO STRESSED TO GET IN THE CAR AND DRIVE SO I'M ROASTING A CHICKEN AND MY HOUSE SMELLS WONDERFUL.

Wait, I don't think I did that right....

I AM UP TO 50 PUSH UPS IN THE 100 PUSH UPS PROGRAM.

SORRY FOR THE CAT POOP ISSUES. I THINK EXTRA PETTING AND LOVING MIGHT HELP, PLUS THE DEODORIZING YOU ALREADY KNOW ABOUT. I THINK THE KITTIES WILL CALM DOWN AFTER YOUR HEAD STOPS HURTING ow ow ow

MY LIFE IS CHANGING COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY AND I CANT REALLY TALK ABOUT IT VERY MUCH BECAUSE ONE ASPECT OR ANOTHER OF THE CHANGES WILL MAKE VARIOUS GROUPS OF MY FRIENDS THINK I AM CRAZY!!!!!!! AND I AM CRAZY BUT IN A VERY DELIBERATE AND EMPOWERED WAY AND I DON'T FUCKING CARE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH SHOUT SHOUT SHOUT :p

I HEARD TODAY THAT I AM BEING MOVED TO A NEW DESK, AWAY FROM MY LOVELY WINDOW DESK TO A HORRIBLE MIDDLE-OF-THE-FLOOR DESK WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE MY MONITOR (BOOO!!!). AND DESPITE IT BEING ONLY A FEW FEET AWAY, I HAVE TO PACK EVERYTHING FROM MY PEDESTAL INTO A CRATE TOMORROW AND THEN UNPACK IT ALL AFTER THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND ON TUESDAY. THIS IS STUPID. I DO NOT INTEND TO DO THIS. INSTEAD, BECAUSE I AM IN THE OFFICE SO EARLY, ON TUESDAY I WILL JUST WHEEL MY OLD (FULL) PEDESTAL ROUND TO THE NEW DESK AND SWAP IT WITH THE EMPTY ONE THAT THE PREVIOUS OCCUPANT HAS LEFT.

I AM ONLY IN THE OFFICE TOMORROW AND TUESDAY AND THEN I GO ON HOLIDAY, AND I HAVE TONS OF WORK TO DO BEFORE THEN SO PACKING/UNPACKING IS SOMETHING I DO NOT NEED TO DO.

BUT ON THE GOOD SIDE, MY EYEBROWS LOOK AWESOME. AND MY IDIOTIC EPISODE OF HYPOCHONDRIA HAS PASSED. THIS HAD ME CONVINCED I HAD EITHER
(A) MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS
(B) DIABETES
(C) THYROID PROBLEMS
(D) SOME DISEASE I READ ABOUT IN THE DAILY MAIL WHERE YOU GET MUSCLE PAINS THEN GO BLIND OVERNIGHT.

THE PAINS IN MY HANDS ARE FROM TOO MUCH COMPUTER WORK. THIS IS THE INTERNET TELLING ME TO GET AWAY FROM IT!

MY GIRLFRIEND'S WANTED ME TO GROOM MY (crazy, overgrown, cold-war-Soviet-politburo-member-looking) EYEBROWS FOR YEARS! I SPENT HALF AN HOUR TWEEZING THAT SHIT! SHE DIDN'T NOTICE!

My day has sucked and it's 9AM! ARGH! It's my mom's birthday and I have to put on a happy face by 3pm. Come on, happy mood, I know you're in there somewhere, dammit.

MY PARTNER'S NEW COPY OF HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE HASN'T ARRIVED YET AND THE BITTER MAILROOM LADY SAYS SHE THINKS THE UPS GUY IS RUDE AND HE DOESN'T LIKE HER. AND I'M ALL "DUDE, YOU WILL ***NOT*** MESS WITH MY UPS GUY; HE IS MY FAVORITE OF ALL TIME AND NEVER DOES THE THINGS YOU SAY HE DOES, SO MAYBE THE PROBLEM IS YOU!"

ALSO, WTF IOWA DEPARTMENT OF RECORDS; YOU ARE NOT LOCATED IN TENNESSEE LIKE THE FORM SAYS.

AND IF I PAY FOR NEXT-DAY AIR, WHY ARE YOU STILL TAKING A GODDAMN MONTH?

AND EVEN THOUGH I LOVE HIM LOTS AND LOTS AND HOPE HE FEELS BETTER (okay this is totally not worth shouting, because he's just feeling puny), my partner's decision to stay home sick today means that I can't do secret stuff when I get home from work. Le sigh.

(ej -- as long as you get to keep your red Swingliner : )