I think Ann Swidler underestimates how much of our culture consists of contradictory narratives in which one version never drives out the rivals and in which they all coexist to give multiple perspectives, even if we're often only capable of entertaining one perspective at a time. The romantic version of love has more functions than making monogamy possible. It also captures and organizes certain felt experiences.

In order to marry, individuals must...be prepared to feel, or at least convince others that they feel, that one other person is the unique right ‘one.’

I really disagree with this. I believe, as do many other people I know, that there are many possible 'ones' in this life, and that love really is a free, voluntary choice and a daily decision. I don't think you need a romantic myth in order to make that decision every day. You need only to recognize whether that daily decision on the whole has enriched and improved your life, taken on the whole, or negatively impacted it.

Presumably if marriage laws didn’t exist, or were different, the romantic model of love would disappear because it would no longer be useful.

Boy, I think that's a real stretch. We wouldn't have romantic love if we didn't have marriage laws? It doesn't stand to any kind of reason. People who never marry and never want to are still capable of feeling romantic love, and do all the time.

And I agree with you, Obscure Reference, about how complex people, culture, and internal narratives are. Noticing that a narrative of romantic love exists across a lot of cultures is interesting; that the notion of romantic love is inextricable from legal marriage structure is a further reach.

I just find it interesting to see these sorts of romantic relationships portrayed. My folks are married (and have been for many years) but they hate each other. It's pretty much always been acknowledged to be a business arrangement where my mother gets shit on for spending money on useless trinkets to make herself feel worthwhile and my dad gets meals on the table and his clothes washed.

It features quite prominently in family gatherings when we joke about how people in our family (which is really only my father's side because he decided that we were going to no longer speak to my mother's side after her mother's death) never get married.

I guess we're all just fucked. Or maybe we're all asexual but don't want to actually say that out loud because that's not what society deems as 'proper'. We're all supposed to be chasing after rings and floofy white dresses. I prefer to live vicariously through movies and tv shows and books. Real people are just too confusing.

I really disagree with this. I believe, as do many other people I know, that there are many possible 'ones' in this life, and that love really is a free, voluntary choice and a daily decision. I don't think you need a romantic myth in order to make that decision every day. You need only to recognize whether that daily decision on the whole has enriched and improved your life, taken on the whole, or negatively impacted it.

I agree!

I know they're your parents, sperose, and I never met them, but I'm willing to bet, behind all that hate, your parents are quite attached to each other and just don't want to look at that aspect of the relationship.

I have to agree with our growing consensus as well. I used to believe in that "the one" stuff. Well, it had me married, separated, and widowed before I was 26.
As much as it would be nice to believe in crazy passionate fate, I think life is a bit more complex.

Presumably if marriage laws didn’t exist, or were different, the romantic model of love would disappear because it would no longer be useful.
Also have to disagree here. If anything, the fact that people will pair-bond when laws are AGAINST them proves it wrong.