(This link is OK, but the link on the left -- "11 Cracked Lifehacking Tips" has a mildly NSFW image)

Violates my workplace's acceptable use policy. They will come and get me now and it'll be in the papers and I'll be branded a perv.

Guaranteed? Hey, never underestimate the stupidity of people... who are hiring.

Well, in that case, I'll use this tactic:

Unconventional Advice: When asked what your “greatest weakness” is, break a piece of furniture with your bare hands

Because fuck weakness, that’s why. You’re strong, stronger than this chair, stronger than anyone. You’re nobody’s fool.

New goal, commit as many offenses as possible in one swoop. Maybe they'll give you a prize! Break a piece of furniture with your bare hands. Use it to club someone on the head, hard. Pee in a corner of the room. Sneak into the back room and sneak supplies out.

I had an interview once where I stole somebody's coat.

When I'd arrived for the interview my coat was taken by the receptionist and put in a closet. At the end of the interview, I took my coat out of the closet, and left. I carried it. It was only when I got home I realised it was not my coat. It had someone else's keys in the pocket. (My keys were in my handbag.)

I went back to the office but it was all closed up (by this time it was about 7pm). I was scared and didn't know what to do so I just went home (I was 17 years old and totally clueless, obv). The next day I waited for the police to come and arrest me but they never did. Then the day after that I tried to find the office but couldn't - I hadn't been in London very long and didn't know my way around.

It was a nice coat though. The one I left behind was cheap and horrid.

Oh, and I didn't get the job.

Now I see what I've been doing wrong!

I had an interview once where I stole somebody's coat.

*GASP*!

I went back to the office but it was all closed up (by this time it was about 7pm). I was scared and didn't know what to do so I just went home (I was 17 years old and totally clueless, obv). The next day I waited for the police to come and arrest me but they never did. Then the day after that I tried to find the office but couldn't - I hadn't been in London very long and didn't know my way around.

Awwwwwwww . . . . that's sweet!

I've always had the fantasy of getting an interview at a job I would never want in a million years, just to execute the ultimate "don't try this at home" interview style, which would look a lot like this article.

I'd love to sit down with Jane or Jim Hack and say stuff like, "whether or not you realize it now, this entire process is SO MUCH MORE about you than it is me. I'm being kind here."

Or show up in a regular suit, only with a Superman t-shirt underneath, which I'd proudly display in the heart of the interview when it came to Strengths and Weaknesses.

Or feign distraction by inner voices that you "check-in" with every few moments, until you become all serious with the interviewer and say something like, "We have decided not to answer that question."

Or maybe just curl up on the carpet with your thumb in your mouth, baby-style.