MetaChat - hugs and whuffles desperately needed.

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28 August 2009

hugs and whuffles desperately needed. →[More:]I can't go into a lot of detail, but things are just falling apart here. Mostly finances and work stress. INCREDIBLE UNBELIEVABLE work stress (for my husband, not me so much). Those of you in IT can probably sympathize. We're both on the verge of a nervous breakdown, probably doesn't help that we're both prone to anxiety and depression.

Plus we moved in July and I don't know anyone close by. My family's a couple hours away. My best friend is 1500 miles away. I love them all but they're not that great at comforting me.

I wish I could say "I've survived worse" but I really haven't. This has been THE most stressful year of my life, by far.

No offense but I'm not looking for advice like "make a cup of tea" or "go for a nice bike ride." I just need to know that crises CAN be weathered, not necessarily HOW.

THanks, this is a great community.

post by: desjardins at: 22:17 | 34 comments

I'm in much the same boat. I have survived worse but so what?

I just wish you all the best that life can bring.

posted by arse_hat 28 August | 22:34

" they're not that great at comforting me"

Sorry, me too. :(

posted by arse_hat 28 August | 22:35

They can be weathered. I've weathered many. When I start feeling that horrible anxiety you're referencing, I remind myself that it will pass. And it does.

So. Whuffles to you. And hugs.

posted by Stewriffic 28 August | 22:43

Whuffle!

Remember, nothing is forever and won't feel like this forever.

posted by The Whelk 28 August | 22:57

If you believe in praying, ask for a few simple moments of serenity. If you don't do the praying thing, make your own serenity. Comfortable chair, minimal lights, totally still, totally silent; breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Long and deep, slow and relaxed.

Well, you made it through that moment. Just that much less time to go now until things will be better.

posted by netbros 28 August | 23:00

Stay focused on getting through it. Also second breathing deeply - something about focusing on that seems to help me through things and release some of the stress.

Hugs and wuffles to you and Mr. Desjardins.

posted by Sil 28 August | 23:09

Hugs and whuffles! I have been through "the worst year of my life" a few times over now, and it DOES get better and you CAN make it through. I know this is hokey, but the bf's mom says that for every bad day you have in life, you've got a good day coming, and that actually helped me in some darker moments.

posted by Twiggy 29 August | 00:25

You will get through this. I've read your comments here and over there and you're one damn strong woman.

posted by jamaro 29 August | 01:35

*hugs*

posted by brujita 29 August | 02:06

The night after my bypass a couple weeks ago, I was in so much pain and discomfort, I told the doctor to pull the plug and let me die. He told me, "Choose another option."

posted by Ardiril 29 August | 04:01

As others have said, you will get through this. It will pass. You just have to stick it out for a while, unpleasant though that may be for now.

posted by essexjan 29 August | 04:24

Desjardins, a couple things. As others have said, you really seem to be a strong person, so anxiety tendencies aside, I really think you can, and will get through this.

I'm on the brink of wrapping up the shittiest 12 months of my life, with my best friend dying, and then my marriage crumbling. The one thought that's kept me on the path is this: The only way out of this, is THROUGH it.

That's all we can do, move forward. So, keep moving forward, bit by bit, and soon enough, you'll be looking at this time period in life's rear view mirror.

P.S. Ardiril, sounds like you have a great doctor.

posted by richat 29 August | 07:23

richat, I really like the idea of the only way out of a bad time is through it. Mind if I coopt it for myself?

posted by Stewriffic 29 August | 07:29

You are welcome to it. It's helped me out a lot!

posted by richat 29 August | 07:32

It's been a sucky 6-12 months for a lot of people I know, myself included. A string of veterinary expenses, including finding out my beloved dog has cancer and probably will die in the next month; plus really being stressed at work due to staffing shortages and losing my patience with my frustrating boss, but feeling trapped because of the job market and wanting to buy a house next year; plus having to cancel desperately needed vacations due to the aforementioned veterinary expenses.

I hate that right now, all I feel about the future is that I can't wait until this year is over. Which is a shitty way to go through the next 4 months. But we'll all get through it. Because that's all we can do. One foot in front of the other...

*hugs* and *whuffles* to all of you.

posted by misskaz 29 August | 08:17

Wuffles and hugs.

posted by Obscure Reference 29 August | 08:36

I just need to know that crises CAN be weathered, not necessarily HOW.

Okay, then: you will get through this. You will get through this. You will get through this.

A crisis does seem overwhelming when you're in it, and I sympathize completely. You're strong and you're smart and you're capable and you're compassionate, and you'll get through this, but it still sometimes feels like the waters are rising too high. I know. It's okay to feel that, but just keep swimming.

(Side note: One of the rotten things about being strong, and specifically about being the kind of person who is told, "You're strong! You'll get through this!" is that it so often sounds like a kiss-off, like someone saying "You're a tough cookie! You shouldn't need this encouragement." This is not that. I'm saying: you're strong and capable and you have a safe place here to be as vulnerable as you want, which can help replenish that strength.)

You'll get through this. Whuffles. Hugs. Encouragement. All coming your way.

posted by Elsa 29 August | 09:28

You'll make it. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to scream in the night "WHY!? WHY IS ALL THIS HAPPENING NOW?!"

I think my lowest point was when I burst out crying in the living room after some financial disaster (not even my doing) and the boys coming to me. "Here's a kiss mom. Now it's all better."

Here's a hug, desjardins. It's not all better now, but it will be.

posted by lysdexic 29 August | 11:38

hey. we are taking a break and going to watch the chicago marathon today. thanks for all your kind words and encouragement. Ardiril, buddy, hang in there.

posted by desjardins 29 August | 12:23

No offense but I'm not looking for advice like "make a cup of tea" or "go for a nice bike ride." I just need to know that crises CAN be weathered, not necessarily HOW.

Yes, it can be weathered. Just do anything stupid while you're both at wits end... steady as she goes.

I wish I could say "I've survived worse" but I really haven't. This has been THE most stressful year of my life, by far.

I can remember thinking the same thing at one particular moment in my life. You will look back on this moment in the future and draw on the tested strength that this time is giving you. Small comfort now, but worth waiting for.

But most of all: Whuffles to you and yours. And hugs.

posted by Doohickie 29 August | 12:49

It's been a sucky 6-12 months for a lot of people I know, myself included.

This is true. Fortunately for me right now, my family has managed to get through things relatively unscathed and yet.... it's tough helping others go through divorces, job losses, etc. We have to be the rock that others cling to, and that brings its own kind of stress.

And on the other hand, I also feel like we are on the brink of our crisis, although I have no idea what form it will take. We've gotten through the worst year of our life (Mrs. Doohickie and I) so far, but there is no way to know if there will be even worse in our future.

posted by Doohickie 29 August | 12:56

I recommend drinking yourself into a stupor and then collapsing into a sobbing heap. Then get up and start nibbling at that elephant.

Also:

*SUPERULTRAMAXIMEGAWHUFFLE*

posted by BitterOldPunk 29 August | 15:58

Find people in your community. We are all members of many communities and reaching out can help so much. It has me. You're doing so much to support your husband and you need support too. It's tough to admit for sure :) but you do!

I'd be glad to go into lots more detail if you'd like to send me an email.

You're awesome, desjardins. Sending many whuffles.

posted by By the Grace of God 29 August | 16:58

The mister and I have been through some pretty tough times - bankruptcy, no jobs, one job @ $10 an hour to support us both, working opposite shifts and never seeing each other, living in an RV, almost having a vehicle repossessed. It was damned hard for me to believe that we'd come out the other side of all of that. But we did get through it and we're both better people for it and our relationship is stronger for it.

As hopeless as it may seem, you can and will get through it, desjardins.

posted by deborah 29 August | 17:42

@Elsa: One of the rotten things about being strong, and specifically about being the kind of person who is told, "You're strong! You'll get through this!" is that it so often sounds like a kiss-off, like someone saying "You're a tough cookie! You shouldn't need this encouragement."

Something one of my dearest friends said to me that actually made me feel better when I was being overwhelmed was that she felt that the shit I was going through was being thrown at me because the universe thought I could handle it. I'm not sure how much of the universe part I believe, but what I do appreciate is that someone acknowledged that what I was going through wasn't a small thing and that I did need encouragement.

So, yes! I get through my crises through encouragement, therapy, and perhaps stubbornness.

posted by TrishaLynn 29 August | 18:38

One of the rotten things about being strong, and specifically about being the kind of person who is told, "You're strong! You'll get through this!" is that it so often sounds like a kiss-off, like someone saying "You're a tough cookie! You shouldn't need this encouragement."

I didn't intend what I wrote as a kiss off and I apologize if that's how it was received.

posted by jamaro 29 August | 20:27

I'm sorry darlin. I'm not all woo-woo about astrology and stuff, but I swear, this has been the toughest year for everyone I know (our house as well). About the only thing you can do is keep going, keep your head up, and know that eventually, this cloud too will pass. (Or so I keep telling myself...it's the only thing that keeps me from hiding under the bed, really.)

Big hugs! If you're near Dallas, I'd be happy to make you a bunny cupcake! :)

posted by Dejah 30 August | 00:47

I didn't intend what I wrote as a kiss off and I apologize if that's how it was received.

Oh, no, honey, no no no, I wasn't speaking about your remark at all (though I can certainly see why you'd take it that way) but only about my own remark and my own experience. No hard feelings?

posted by Elsa 30 August | 10:13

(No hard feelings at all! I was just appalled at myself that it had never occurred to me that such a sentiment could be taken that way; thank you for that insight.)

posted by jamaro 30 August | 11:52

Desjardins, what little I know of you, you're kind of a hero to me, and I follow your twitter regularly. You're a good soul with a lot more on your plate than should be allowed and a will to survive that surpases my own I think. You've got spunk and passion and I think a really great and sensitive person. You can weather the storm, we're all pulling for you.

posted by eatdonuts 30 August | 18:20

I'm late to the whuffle-fest, so I'll just leave this pile of them over here in the corner. Whuffles never get old.

posted by sperose 30 August | 20:11

thanks again everyone.

my husband is giving notice at his job tomorrow - without another one lined up - because it is making him suicidal. I am 100% behind him because I'd rather see us lose everything we own than lose him.

oh, and the cats have fleas, so now we have to do the whole exterminator thing.

if I weren't an atheist, I'd either be praying or shaking my fist at God right about now.

posted by desjardins 31 August | 00:51

Like Speclet say, desjardins, wuffles piling up in a corner whenever you should visit and need them. I too hugely admire you. Your posts on the green in particular I feel have helped Mefites too numerous to mention. And yes, I have been through much, much worse than your describing, and I can assure you, there will be a time you look back on this and think, "wow I honestly could not see the other side of that horrible time, but here we are".

The only thing that helps is to allow others to help you and to keep reaching out for support. and literally take one step of every day at a time. It is a cliche because it it true. Focussing on small victories , like getting in the shower, getting to work on time, actually eating healthy food, helps.

But making big-step decisions to change, like the job, that is simply awesome!!! There may be initial losses like level of income, etc., but NOTHING is worth being in a soul destroying job. So that is a huge victory for you guys right there.
HUGS and wuffles

posted by Wilder 31 August | 06:34

AARGH, I meant Like Sperose said..., anyway have an extra helping of wuffles!

posted by Wilder 31 August | 06:36

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