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MetaChat is an informal place for MeFites to touch base and post, discuss and chatter about topics that may not belong on MetaFilter. Questions? Check the FAQ. Please note: This is important.

25 June 2009

The Invent-A-Joke Thread
1. Think up a joke.
2. Post joke.
3. Watch the laffs roll in.
NB: Jokes might not actually be all that funny.
post by: Atom Eyes at: 15:47 | 36 comments
Q: How do you make a banana split?
A: Make it feel unwelcome.
posted by Atom Eyes 25 June | 15:47
So these wallabies hop around a bar. Over and over and over.
posted by rainbaby 25 June | 15:50
A quadriplegic walks into a bar...
posted by cortex 25 June | 15:51
] joke too distasteful to post [
posted by Ardiril 25 June | 15:52
Q: How many bunnies does it take to change a lightbulb.
posted by not_on_display 25 June | 15:54
A: Two, BUT DON'T ASK ME WHERE THEY FOUND THAT LADDER.

Q: What does an account wear paisley suspenders?
posted by cortex 25 June | 15:55
A: Hey, THAT'S NOT PAISLEY!!!
posted by mudpuppie 25 June | 15:56
Q: How do you make a strawberry shake?
A: Hold it over a blender.
posted by Atom Eyes 25 June | 15:58
Q: What do you call a house with no artificial partition around the approximate perimeter of its property line?

A: Defenceless.
posted by cortex 25 June | 16:02
Q: I like
A: toast.
posted by peggynature 25 June | 16:02
Q. Why did Jesus die for all our sins?
A. He forgot his *safe* word.
posted by danf 25 June | 16:03
Q: What do you call the aforementioned house if it cops an attitude after hearing the preceding joke despite the fact that it is basically funny because it's true, and the house should chill out because, jeez, whatever?

A: Defencive.
posted by cortex 25 June | 16:04
Q: What did Venus say when Sol sneezed?
A: Bless you, my sun.
posted by Atom Eyes 25 June | 16:06
Q. What would be a legitimate way of protecting cortex's hypothetical house?

A. Defenstration
posted by danf 25 June | 16:07
Q: What do you call it when you are sick of that house's hoity-toity attitude and it always looking down its chimney at you, like, ohhhh, look at me, i'm so FANCY, i'm so EARLY TWENTIETH CENTURY, why would I want to talk to a pre-fab ranchstyle, goddam snobby house thinks it so good, thinks its brand new white picket fence is sooooo perfect, fine, we'll see, maybe i'll just pay a guy i know to take CARE of that fence, maybe that fence is gonna disappear, maybe you won't act so high and mighty then, will you, huh, huh?

A: A defence contract.
posted by cortex 25 June | 16:09
Q: How do you make an apple turnover?
A: Tell it "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache."
posted by Atom Eyes 25 June | 16:12
If I have any say in the matter, I won't make podcasts.
posted by Ardiril 25 June | 16:14
Q. Why are the people of Newfoundland so happy about the prospect of Quebec seceding from Canada?
A. I'll shorten the drive to Toronto.
posted by danf 25 June | 16:17
Q: What do you call it when the house, once it gets over the shock of the initial theft, puts two and two together and tracks you down where you work, which happens to be the medieval technology wing of the history museum, and it starts yelling at you and you start yelling at, and things get really heated really fast and it makes a move toward you and in a moment of fear you grab a sword from a nearby display and the house freezes for a second, but then it just scowls and grabs another sword, and you end up locked into mortal combat, the clash of dull-but-not-dull-enough steel ringing throughout the wing as you both struggle to come out ahead of the other in what you realize now never should have so sharply escalated, and you want to apologize, admit that you were wrong, but your pride and fear prevent you and so it is one haphazard blow after another, and you nearly lose your feet but then with a cry you press back, and the house begins to look worried and suddenly you feel within you, dark but intense, wanting, the throbbing desire to kill?

A: Fencing!
posted by cortex 25 June | 16:19
Q: Why did the gymnastics coach try to recruit Joseph Ratzinger?
A: He heard the Pope was infallible.
posted by Atom Eyes 25 June | 16:21
Q: How do you describe the ensuing, gratuitous coverage by a national tabloid of what that paper dubbed the "Museum Murder-Suicide Madness", including raw photographs of the now-picketless house's bloody, horribly-mutilated estate on the marble floor of the Medieval Tech wing, a sword jutting even then from its front porch, and coercive, blunt interviews with the family and friends of the murderer and with the victim's realtors and cleaners, all still too in shock from the news to have had a chance to process the events or display any real judgement in their disclosures, the coverage extending over a period of weeks, resulting eventually in a hard-fought lawsuit in which the tabloid is eventually ruled by the presiding judge to have displayed, unquestionably, poor taste and little respect for the dead and their associates but not to have committed any actionable torts, but by the time that ruling comes down the story has long gone out of the public eye and new construction is already under way on what was once the victim's lot, the new house having been assigned a different street number than the previous one, though whether as an act of respect or merely as a rote administrative act by the city planning and permitting bureau is never really clear?

A: Offencive.
posted by cortex 25 June | 16:30
Have you heard the one about the guy who died while having sex with his supervisor?

He got laid off!
posted by Jose Famoso 25 June | 16:40
Q: How is a raven like a writing desk?
A: They both think cortex's joke set-ups are too wordy.
posted by Atom Eyes 25 June | 16:44
] Michael Jackson joke too offensive to post due to its relationship to the first joke too offensive to post [
posted by Ardiril 25 June | 16:53
Q: How is Ardiril like a well-trained gibbon monkey?
A: They both struggle successfully to keep their yuks to themselves.
posted by Atom Eyes 25 June | 17:02
Bear walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "What'll it be?"

Bear says,........................................."Just a pint, thanks."

Bartender says, "Why the big pause?"
posted by mdonley 25 June | 18:52
A man walks into a bar with a rope tied around his waist. THe bartender asks about the rope, and the man refuses to answer. Bartender asks again, and the man refuses. The bartender, furious, demands to know about the rope. The man, aghast, says "STOP IT! STOP IT! THESE QUESTIONS ARE TEARING US IN TWINE!!!!"
posted by SpiffyRob 25 June | 19:18
Q: What's the difference between blue and green?

A: They're the same.
posted by box 25 June | 19:28
My apartment is so small I have to paint it from left to right.
posted by rocket88 25 June | 20:46
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw!"

best joke ever. Seriously. I'll fight you.
posted by Lipstick Thespian 26 June | 11:44
A joke I made up at dinner when I was three years old:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Goof!
Goof who?
GOOFY!!!!!!


posted by Juliet Banana 26 June | 12:51
What's a indie rock cow's favorite band?

Mooooodest Mouse.



When the indie rock cow starts his own band, what effects pedal does he use?

A Moooooooooogerfooger.
posted by Juliet Banana 26 June | 12:53
What's an agoraphobic bee's favorite song?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, stay in the hive, stay in the hive...

You know, by the BeeGees.
posted by Juliet Banana 26 June | 12:54
JulietBanana. . .I'm stealing that one. I'll be able to elicit uncounted eye rolls. . .a good thing.
posted by danf 26 June | 13:11
Ooh, I made up bad knock-knock jokes as a child, too!

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Why are you crying?

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
Uh oh—I think an owl just flew into the room!
posted by Atom Eyes 26 June | 13:53
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Smell mop.
Smell mop who?
No thanks!
posted by Schyler523 29 June | 00:41
← Welcome to Candyland. "God first, husband second, children third..." || The BBC is saying he's been taken to hospital →

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