MetaChat - Hello Goodbye!

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11 June 2009

Hello Goodbye!

Kleberg County commissioners on Monday unanimously designated "heaven-o" as the county's official greeting. The reason: "hello" contains the word "hell."

post by: BoringPostcards at: 08:26 | 21 comments

What the fuck are these people sniffing?

posted by gomichild 11 June | 08:36

A dog's ass, I think. But I don't know if that's really germane.

posted by Hugh Janus 11 June | 08:40

So they're not the same group that insists on spelling "country", "cuntry"...

posted by Specklet 11 June | 08:46

Um. That's really stupid.

posted by gaspode 11 June | 08:48

In related news, I recently declared Kleberg County a peaceful and secure haven for the tragically simpleminded, who will find their days pass happily away in pleasant and useful arts and crafts to enhance their small motor skills, and will continue to be encouraged in their adorable project of issuing their sweet childlike decrees.

posted by Miko 11 June | 09:09

What the heaven kind of ambrosia is this?

posted by box 11 June | 09:32

When you go to school and church, they tell you 'hell' is negative and 'heaven' is positive

They must still serve freedom fries at that school.

posted by danostuporstar 11 June | 09:37

You know, they could have changed it to "Jell-o" and then gotten in good with Kraft. Who knows how much free Jello and Velveeta they could have scored>

posted by danf 11 June | 09:37

Jesus motherfucking Christ on a goddamn pogostick, that's moronic.

posted by BitterOldPunk 11 June | 09:50

When contacted by the press, representatives from the Kleburg County Chamber of Commerce also made these changes known:

The word "shell" will hereby be pronounced as "Sheaven"

Local churches have been instructed to use the new, updated hymnals with the following songs included:

Go Theaven It On The Mountain
Theaven Me, Oh Lord, Of Your Love

When We Dweaven In Heaven Above

The Chamber of Commerce PR Director, a Miss Micheavenle Mills, was happy to meet everyone and offer them milk and cookies.

posted by Lipstick Thespian 11 June | 10:09

Not everyone is a convert to Kleberg County's heavenly ways. Madolyn Musick, who runs a bookstore, insisted, and linguists would agree, that "hello" has nothing to do with "hell." Besides, she added, "What's wrong with, 'Howdy, y'all?'

Madolyn Musick, you are my new hero.

Also: Coolest. Name. Ever.

posted by Atom Eyes 11 June | 10:38

You know that's from 1997, right? I was working for a magazine in Austin when they did this. Boy, did we have fun with that issue.

posted by mudpuppie 11 June | 10:48

I guess it never did catch on, then.

posted by Atom Eyes 11 June | 10:54

I suppose they also told women named Helga (which means holy) that they now had a new name....

posted by brujita 11 June | 11:25

And they can't say "hi", either, because it's a drug reference.

posted by Orange Swan 11 June | 11:35

You know, they could have changed it to "Jell-o" and then gotten in good with Kraft.

Naw, they should have changed it to "Yell-o." Because people sometimes say that on the phone anyway, and because the law could require you to reply to someone saying "Yell-o" by singing the bonk-bonks from "Oh Yeah."

posted by ROU Xenophobe 11 June | 13:13

Feavenattio. LOL.

posted by seanyboy 11 June | 14:32

If people would just stick to "ahoy-hoy" for answering the phone, these sort of issues would never arise.

posted by kodama 11 June | 22:58

Fantastic.

posted by unsurprising 12 June | 03:08

What's wrong with, 'Howdy, y'all?

Nothing, unless you're greeting one person.

posted by kirkaracha 12 June | 12:48

Sorry, kirkaracha, but "y'all" is undoubtedly both a plural pronoun and a singular pronoun.

posted by muddgirl 12 June | 13:06

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