3 days.

Call her - definitely. Don't text someone for a date. Be suave.

"She gave me her phone number anyway." - That is when you should ask her when she would like to be called.

Well, when I used to date, if I met someone and had a good time, and gave my phone number when asked for it (even if I made a face), I would anticipate a phone call in the next 1-3 days. I would hope that such a phone call would be fairly brief, cause I am among those who find phone conversations painful--particularly with people I don't know well. You know, "hi, this is punch. how are you? Great! You know, I really enjoyed your company on Tuesday; would you like to meet for coffee Saturday morning/a drink tomorrow after work/go to lunch tomorrow/whatever? Cool. Time, place. Well, I look forward to it, but I'll let you get back to what you were doing." or something.

I know some people consider there are rules to this. I've always been completely clueless about any rule beyond being polite and genuine.

That is pretty smooth, Ardiril. I wish I had thought of that.

I would text her today. Right now.

disclaimer: I am not cool or suave or clever about dating. I only know what makes me happy, what makes me crazy, and what makes me angry.

If I've been on a good date, I expect to hear from the guy within two or three days. ("Hear from" might mean he calls me, it might mean I call him, it might mean one of us leaves a message and the other returns it. Whatever.)

If four days or more go by and he hasn't spoken to me, I will start to think that either:
A) he's not very interested in me. If I think that, I won't go out with him again.
B) he's rude, or has a substantially different social manner than I do. I might go out with him again, but I won't be keen on it.
C) he had something unexpected crop up (out of town, family emergency, heavy work load, etc.), and he'll mention it when he calls/returns my call.

I'm aware of the "wait three days" convention. I think it smacks of game-playing and sit-com reality. Some people don't mind that, but I find it off-putting.

I agree with Elsa.

I also agree with Elsa. And I agree that phone call would be better than texting, but I am still in angry old-person fist-shaking mode about the prevalence of texting in romantic relationships these days, so take that for what it's worth.

The wait three days thing is frankly crap. On the other hand, so is texting as a followup. If you enjoyed spending time with her, give her a call the next day and say so. Something like "Hey, I had fun last night. We should do that again some time. What are you doing this tuesday /friday / whatever? Want to get a drink / dinner / see a movie / whatever (where whatever equals a mutual interest you may have discovered through your first meeting) ? It's so much less complicated than people like to make it out to be.

I used to be a firm believer in phone communication but my female friends my age (late 20s) all say they prefer written communication (text or e-mail) at this stage. If you have an opinion on that it might be helpful to know your age and how recently you have been dating.

People can like technology regardless of age. I know both young and old people that can barely use their phone to send a text. And I know both young and old people that love texting. No matter which route you take I think it'll be hard to predict how it's taken. I'd say do what you think is best and if it turns out that's not what she likes then that's part of getting to know her. Plus that's part of her getting to know you.

Hopefully TEXTINGOMG is not a dealbreaker for her. But you never know. Maybe she was bitten by a texter once... you never know, unfortunately. Good luck!!

How do you know that she can even receive a text? (This may be a dumb question.)

I guess I don't have 100% certainty that she does. But landlines are incredibly rare in my age group. It was an out-of-area phone number so it is even more likely that it is a mobile phone. There is still a small possibility that a text would not go through.

Call her tomorrow. I agree with crush-on-a-stick's advice to make it short, unless she draws it out.

Good luck. It's maddening to not have any idea how such a call will be received.

Let us know, OK?

There's no doubt that an intersection of age/personality/tech-friendliness affects how people respond to different methods of contact. In my book, it doesn't much matter what medium you use: phone call, email, text, whatever. Making contact is good. Letting a person hang there waiting is bad.

Data: I am nearly forty. Texting is off my radar, I hate the phone but use it, I vastly prefer to communicate by email.

And really, it all comes down to compatibility: if you cheerfully contact her today and she thinks it's over-eager, or if you contact her in three days when you're ready and she thinks you waited too long*, then you've learned that you have incompatible timeframes, and you can either accommodate each other or shrug and move on. Same with conflicting communication tech styles, same with pretty much everything in dating.

(Or at least, this is what I would tell myself when I was in the dating pool: if he thinks I'm [too assertive/ too goofy/ too whatever], then we were incompatible. No big deal.)

*rhetorical question for people who get angry at waiting for a call/text/email: why didn't you contact them?

There was a message on my answering machine from her when I got home from our first date. I really don't remember the moment I fell in love with her, but that might have been it.

the best dating advice is this: If her daddy's rich take her out for a meal, If her daddy's poor just do what you feel.

rmless protocol indicates texting (if she is under 30) by lunchtime the next day to say "I had a good time last night" and then calling- not texting- within the next 2 days to set up another date. Have a time and event in mind when you call for the date, and if she is busy, ask her for one more date. Then give up and wait for her to tell you when she is free or if she wants to go out again.

If you had a really good date, rmless protocol is right on. That message before lunchtime says "I'm not blowing smoke, I actually really like you!"

But sometime over the course of the next 48 hours seems like a good idea to me. Any longer and I'd be thinking "s/he's at best lukewarm on this."

After giving this a bit more thought, I arrived at miko's 48 hours, regardless of age. Thereafter, if the interest is there, the dialog should be two-way with both parties corresponding in one way or another at most every 48 hours for at least a week or two. It doesn't take that long to establish whether a couple has any chemistry or a potential friendship.

My way of getting out of the "Did he really keep my phone number?" thing is to say, "Text me when you get home, so I know you got home safe." It's maternal, I know, but it's also caring; however, I wonder what kind of non-text message that's sending.

Also, too many male friends of mine have told me that they hate "the game" so I almost always either call that night to say "Thank you" or the next day. And then some of those other male friends say that I'm being too forward, that they'd rather do the chasing, etc.

WTF, MEN?

TrishaLynn: I can't tell you how much I love it when a girl contacts me first. If it's just a "thank you" or a "nice to meet you" it really doesn't take away from any of "the chase" which can be a bit overrated anyway.

if you cheerfully contact her today and she thinks it's over-eager, or if you contact her in three days when you're ready and she thinks you waited too long*, then you've learned that you have incompatible timeframes, and you can either accommodate each other or shrug and move on. Same with conflicting communication tech styles, same with pretty much everything in dating.

I disagree with this attitude. My communication style is pretty flexible. Contacting someone in one day makes me just as happy as contacting them in three. So I'd rather know which one is more likely to be successful in advance rather than making a poor first impression.

I would be positively thrilled by any woman who called me the next day. That is exactly the 'forward looking and taking charge of my life' attitude I like being around. Plus, if she calls after I leave with the message saying she enjoyed the evening, our next date would be at her earliest convenience.

I usually try to follow my own protocol and thank the dude for the date by the next day lunch, if I liked him, and especially if he paid (which personally I like for a first date, ymmv). But then I definitely expect him to ask me out again shortly after that.

I think I will adopt this protocol based on your collective suggestions and insight:

1. If you can agree on a time you should call, do that.
2. If things went really well, text the next day. Then call the day after that.
3. If things didn't go as well, call on the second day.

Looks like we are in the third branch of the protocol here.

Thanks for the advice to keep the call brief. I feel like there is a certain expectation to have smalltalk first, which is part of why I dread calling people I don't know well. If the girl is likely to want to keep it brief as much as I am, then it makes things a bit easier. And I am spared waiting for an answer which can be really awful.

So I'd rather know which one is more likely to be successful in advance rather than making a poor first impression.

She's an individual, with individual preferences and hang-ups. So the best you're going to be able to do is get a general consensus on what's considered polite or usual; there's no guarantee, however, that the usual approach, whatever it might be, will be successful with this individual.

That's just the gamble you have to take for love.

Gosh it's so complicated, I'm so glad I never dated.

dabitch, when it goes well it is actually really fun. And sometimes it is fun even when it goes poorly, although it can be emotionally difficult.

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious.
Trent: Yeah, two's enough not to look anxious. But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you...
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabye I'll wait 3 weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we fucked. Is that... would that be... T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.

Called and got voicemail. Left a message asking her out again. I expected to not hear from her again actually. She called the next evening (while I was out with another girl, ha!) and left a message saying she thought we got along really well but she didn't really think we would have "a big future" so she would feel bad if she accepted my invitation. I actually thought the same thing since she lives so far away, but I wouldn't have minded seeing her again. Since I didn't expect to hear back from her at all, this is actually pretty good. I appreciate it that she framed it this way.