1. I am exhausted, frustrated, and confused by the state of my employment search and am finding it harder and harder every day to stay neutral and motivated.

2. This is because I haven't gotten my Virginia-baked ham to the gym in several days.

3. The next person who tells me "life's a game and you need to learn to play it" is getting my foot up they ass until they learn the LT-GONNA-MAKE-YOU-DANCE,-POPPET game.

1. I am trying to get this place organized so I can start packing tonight to move tomorrow.
2. My last session with my stress therapist is at 2:30 this afternoon and is going to take way more time than I can afford and it is stressing me out.
3. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1) 'Dude and I leave to visit his family in Mass. this weekend! And my vacation hasn't been approved by work yet! Screw you guys I'm going anyway!

2) I feel like I've been buying a lot of stuff recently, but on the other hand I've been wearing/using a lot of it and also repurposing old things.

3) I felt really crappy a few days ago, emotionally, but I've recovered.

I am going to america for 2 weeks after the election.

Whereabouts, Grace?

1. I'm screening my current project for the bosses today, in about 4 hours. Got a few butterflies as usual, but I'm also really happy w/ how the project is coming along, so I'm looking forward to it, as well.

2. Also looking forward to a trip to the art museum this weekend. Several of Monet's "Water Lilies" paintings are exhibiting here for the summer.

3. Weather report says the sun will come out this weekend. I'll believe it when I see it.

@BoringPostcards: You are so lucky that I am not breaking out into the song from "Annie" right now.

1. Once again, I am gasping towards payday. Then again, I did just get back from vacation. That's fair enough tradeoff, right?

2. Ran into a former co-employee from DumbCo. I'm not sure if I mentioned it earlier, but the company got bought and everyone's mostly out. Considering that one of its largest clients was a brick-n-mortar store that is no longer in Times Square, I'm not surprised. It's always funny running into people I know on the subway.

3. "My" LJ Newyorkers are feeling a little like the community's not fun for them anymore, and I'm trying to get the other co-mod to see that we need to either add more mods/maintainers, change the rules, etc. *sigh* Consequence of the evolution of online communities, I'm afraid. :(

1.My cousin sent me a metal logo from my grandfather's bookstore.

2. I have learned that the troll director of residence life who was harassing me at the first college I attended has retreated into the closet and married a man. As far as I'm concerned, gay people have the right to live, work, marry their own gender and raise kids without being hassled.They do NOT have the right to deny others their right to be left alone.

3.Dental surgery tomorrow: a crown lengthening.

1. I stayed up really late last night doing work so I can go to the book expo with my coworkers tomorrow. It looks like I might actually accomplish my work goals this week, if the last 2 authors don't delay any more.

2. I missed my boxing class AND I ate chips and nutella instead. -2 points.

3. I'm trying to figure out when and how to move the last of my stuff to my new apartment this weekend. It's not much, but I don't know where to put it. I hope I'll be able to borrow someone's car, my friend offered but she's in NH now.

1. Bored at work, no one will give me much to do.

2. Started working on my '73 Beetle last weekend again, it needs a new fuel pump but other than that, I'm hoping to get it back on the road soon.

3. Shopping for a new car, planning on giving the Scion to my son. I decided that it's worth the money to have him drive a car that won't kill him. I'm looking at small wagons/hatchbacks for myself. It would be easier to buy a car if car dealerships didn't keep banker's hours.

1. Posted a language question to Ask. Forgotten how hair-trigger some people can get.

2. Went to see "Drag Me to Hell". Great movie, scary and funny.

3. Busy but hopelessly unfocussed at work.

1. Like LT, job hunting is going nowhere. It is indeed discouraging.
2. I've started a new fitness routine- running. How something so tortuous can feel so good, I just don't know.
3. Going to a taping of The View on Monday. Not sure who will be on, but we've seen something on the internet that suggests it will be PARIS HILTON! EEEEEEEE! That'd be exciting. Maybe she'll give us something from one of her perfume lines.

1. I'm pretty miserable and feel like I have a limited number of places I can talk about. The need to keep a good attitude/good front confronts me in every direction. Occasionally I just want to collapse in a sobbing heap, but that's just not a go. The problem is my ongoing job search, which like others here is not bearing any fruit in the foreseeable future - but meanwhile, I am still employed at my job, spinning down the soft money and waiting to see if more is forthcoming. In theory I'm supposed to be rah rah and moving my projects forward. In reality I feel disconnected, disengaged, useless and valueless, and not hopeful for the future. I just want out but there are no outs to go out too. I can't focus, I'm confused, and I don't know where to put my energy.
2. I am thinking about going to graduate school in a year or so, but these thoughts are sort of pie in the sky since I need to pay for my existence between now and then, and also need to figure out how to pay at least half my tuition and fees if I do get in.
3. At least I have some good little getaways planned soon. It would be nice if I can feel some positivity and hope on these little jaunts. Going to Martha's Vineyard with my folks next week and probably on a little roadtrip up to midCoast Maine in a few weeks.

1. Ack, just got served with papers for the second foreclosure (both active rentals are now in foreclosure; we're going into Chapter 13 to short-circuit this, hopefully).

2. Seeing a lawyer this afternoon to see if it is still possible to set up a special needs trust to hold the rentals. It's a real catch-22 my dad put my parents in. He needs Medicaid, but can't qualify with the rental properties, unless they're transferred to a trust -- but if they're in a trust, they can't help my mom pay for the bankruptcy. We may need to seek an administrative waiver from Medicaid so that she can hold the properties. My head hurts.

3. I put myself through a little emotional wringer of my own making, but I mostly pulled myself through it only a little flattened. Only about a week's worth of serious funk and panic attacks, yay. I probably need some therapy right now. Yeesh. The hell of it is, by feeling a little better, it's made me more likely to consider something that's a little risky. I may explain later.

*hugs miko*

1. 3rd day in a row almost all my staff is gone except for the students. Fortunately nobody's broken anything big.

2. Tired from a pool party last night with the kidlets then a wild free for all in #bunnies

3. Glad my arms are out of splints, but my elbow pops every fifteen minutes or so.

((Miko)) I wondered how you were holding up. I remember having to shut down a job a long time ago and I was a wreck by the end.

1. Still kicking it with the swine flu, though if my soaked bed's any measure, I think my fever broke this morning. My lungs hurt like hell from coughing all night, which is also exhausting. I feel terrible.

2. What promised to be my worst birthday ever (the first one without my mom) looks like it'll be even worse, since this flu will probably prevent me from traveling down to see my family until after the weekend, if I don't try to push it. So I'll miss my nephew's soccer game Saturday morning, which I was really looking forward to. By the way, speaking of my nephew, he's six and he just finished reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy. My brother watched the movies with him and his judgment was that the first couple were good, but the third one had things all wrong and did the book a disservice. The wee nephew's still at the board-book stage, but he's even more obsessed with reading than his older brother. I can't wait to see them.

3. I want to see the other side of this flu, this detoxing, this unemployment, and get my life back on track, which is good, because I haven't had that perspective for a year or more. There is hope. But for now I need a nap.

4. It's raining torrents outside. The forecast said it wouldn't start until tonight. I left the car windows open so the sun wouldn't bake what I already packed. Now it's all completely soaked.

Hugh, I am sorry that I missed this. I didn't know you had the swine flu. Take good care of yourself.

Miko, I'm sorry you're going through this. Your trips sound great.

1. Tired

2. Unmotivated

3. Lazy

1. Most of what Miko said in #1, minus the job problem. I used to think that God/Nature/Whomever put me here on this earth just laughed at me and thought I was a loser. Now I'm starting to think that he/she/it is deliberately conspiring to hurt me, and make life even more painful than it ever needs to be.

2. There are three of us in our department. #1 spends lots of time telling #2 over the cubicle wall about not just his kids but all the things his family does (trips, etc.), and often I will listen and participate in the conversation since we are all in adjacent cubicles. #2 is out yesterday and today, and #1 hasn't said three words the entire time. It's obvious that people think a person without kids can't possibly relate to one with kids. I'm such a loser weirdo.

3. I feel irrationally abandoned by my family. The only other people of my "generation", my sister and cousins, have all moved thousands of miles away. I just saw photos of my sister at her in-laws' house; she seems to embrace them more than she ever did her own family. At holidays my mother and I have dinner either by ourselves or with one of her crazy friends, where they reminisce about the past and I wish that I had someone to talk to.

*hugs to all the bunnies in this thread who need them*

1. My mood has been fluctuating so wildly the past month or two, not in an unusual manner, but more extreme than in recent years. A couple of days ago I had a minor breakdown at work, more or less in front of my co-workers, which is not something I do, at least not the crying part. A small part of me is still able to remain objective and aware of this as chemical or situational, but even that part is despairing. Shit happens, and happens, and happens- none of it so major that I could justify checking myself in, or whatever, but the cumulative effect... it sounds like most of you know, or are going through something similar, and I'm so sorry for that. I linger a lot at the coffeeshop these days, just so I can listen and converse with people who don't want me to somehow support them without offering anything in return. Likewise #bunnies. I'm sorry if it's creepy.

2. A tiny glimmer of a good thing: I got an A on my first writing assignment and a murmured "very nice job" from the professor. Performance anxiety in writing was perhaps 1/3 of the reason I dropped out/withdrew from school the previous two okay possibly technically three times, so this was helpful.

3. Apart from the other concerns, am very worried about my cat. So glad the problems didn't happen two or three months ago, when I didn't have money for the gas to get him to the vet, much less to have him treated.

I wish I were in a position to create wonderful jobs for all of you who are having trouble finding/with work. Anyone want to start a commune?

1. Got word that one of our devs is leaving, having mixed feelings about it. Pretty awful in the short term, but has the potential to be a big plus, for me and the rest of the team, in the long run.*

2. Jealous jealous jealous as SO has a brief respite from her crazy-ass schedule. Until she starts the new job, all she's got is 1.5 days of class/week. I was hoping I could take a vacation day or two and join her for some long weekends, but that's not looking so good. (See #1)

3. This week has proven to be about as long as I ever could have expected a four day week to be. So, so glad that parents are coming into town tomorrow and the weather, for now, looks to be good for the Cubs game on Saturday.

*(((job-seeking bunnies))) As it happens, I suspect we'll be urgently looking for a back-end web developer in the coming days. If anyone in the Chicago area is or knows someone who might be interested, shoot me a MeMail over on the blue.

1. Headed into the mountains this evening after GF gets off from work. Staying in a Tahoe casino hotel tonight (I already our score-free-drinks-without-spending-gambling-money strategy mapped out). Camping tomorrow and the next night. Yay, camping.

2. Hoping that the camping trip is a cure for the increased recent bickering with aforementioned GF, instead of a means of exacerbating it. It could go either way. Fortunately, there's no PMS involved right now on either side, because otherwise it could be bad.

3. Also dealing with Miko's #2, pretty much word-for-word.

Extra credit: I've got the kind of upper back pain that makes you just want to cry. Stretching helps, but I keep forgetting.

1. There's a bad thing, but it is not my bad thing, exactly, so I don't feel free to talk about it, but it still colors my world and I feel helpless and sorry and broken-up.

2. I cannot stop thinking about the wedding. Even I periodically weary of the frippery and planning, but I don't have the luxury of shutting the hell up about it in my daily life; the date is rapidly approaching, and we still have decent list of things to accomplish.

2a, clearly related to 2: I am having back spasms. Bad ones. Couldn't lie down to sleep last night. Oh sweet wiggly worms, am I tired.

3. Cool and rainy. Black bean soup for dinner, I think.

(mudpuppie, come over to my house and we'll have black bean soup and stretch.)

Hugs to everyone that's going through shitty crises, be they of job searches, ill-health, mind-fucks or finances.

1) I'm finally under contract for a house, and I have to say it's one of the more stressful things I've done in my life. I hate the process, and I feel guilty to boot. If this is the worst thing in my life, I should be more grateful. The fact is, though, that I have a lease ending, possible structural problems with the house I am contracted for, I'm going out of town for a week on business (see #2, below), I've shelled out big money for the inspection and probably will have to shell out double that for the more in-depth structural engineering inspection, and because of all that I'm facing having to possibly back out of the deal. I really hope that when I eventually get this/any house I'll begin to have some fun with it.

2) I'm heading to Denver for a training for work. This is pretty cool, because the organization for my field that does technical assistance sought *me* out specifically to train others across the state in a new CDC best-practice curriculum. I think it's going to be the first business trip ever where I'm put up in a pretty swank hotel and get to expense a ton of stuff. Mind you, my version of "swank" and "a ton of stuff" is probably most people's "middling" and "not enough to cover expenses." There will be a meetup, though, and I'm looking forward to seeing new birds.

3) I have had tennis elbow for at least two months now. The acute pain is over, but I'm still unable to lift things or shake hands without grimacing. I've had to cut way way back on my yardwork and gardening. This means that I'm not getting the exercise I need to. Blah. I have a PT appointment on Saturday, at least.

1. I still haven't heard from UMD and I plan on calling them tomorrow. 2 weeks after they claimed to have mailed out everything should be enough time for letters to go places. ESPECIALLY ONLY WHEN IT'S 15 MILES AWAY. ARGH.

2. Finances are stressing me out. I can't decide about going to NOLA for the meetup until I find out how much I'll have to pay for all the plumbing repairs (and until I get the fucking tax check thingy for buying a house, I can't pay those either!)

3. My extended family is coming over on Sunday as soon as I get out of work to look at my place. I fucking hate my extended family. I hate my immediate family too, but the aunts are so much worse. And then we all have to go out for a late lunch and I'll have to sit there and pretend to be happy about it.

Jesus, sorry for the rage, y'all.

1. Wife and daughter do not get along, for a number of reasons having to do with each of their personalities. It gets toxic whenever daughter is home, which is now, so it's totally miserable for me. I have tried mediating, and that just gets me in trouble with both of them. It sucks, and is making me distant from my wife.

2. Work has be very interesting with a handful of bizarre situations that I have had to deal with.
*How to repel geese that are pooping all over a field, I mean a LOT of poop. . .every square yard, at the very least. Tried to recruit early-morning dogs, looking into "scare tape," chemical repellents, etc. Got in the local daily paper for that one.
*A week of riding school busses around town, monitoring the air, basically for CO and diesel exhaust. Bus drivers are heroines and heros.
*A spill cleanup involving an old VW bus and and hippie teacher, who, even though she knew that her gas tank had a bad leak, and had been only putting in a few bucks of gas at a time, yesterday decided to fill it, and then park it in the school lot, resulting in a growing puddle of gas, lots of responders, and general hilarity.
*I could go on but won't.

3. Had an impromptu "double date" at the bar at my gym to watch the Nugget-Laker game last night. Much fun. Good, cheap alcohol there also.

Anybody who wants to come to Scotland, I have jobs for you. All you smart competent people! the things i could do..

I for one could use a change of pace.

By the way, By the Grace of God, I don't know if you checked back into your mixtape request thread, but I uploaded some soul suggestions for your consideration.

1. Third date with boy is set for next thurs. Yay! I'm enjoying the daydreaming stage a lot.
2. Work is good, but busy and tiring, and I'm too busy at nights / finding it hard to get up in the morning. I'm looking forward to a lazy weekend where I can sleep in and relax.
3. Was talking to a friend on the phone on my way to singing the other night - then turned around, and she was on the same tram. Weird.

Also - massive hugs to hugh and btgog and miko and all the others that I've not mentioned. Hope you're doing ok... *whuffles*

1. Mood has been up and down for me too. I go from wanting to crawl into bed and never get up to feeling fine within a few days. It's quite frustrating.

2. Hands and feet are in almost constant pain (low-level) due to neuropathy and edema. Doc currently trying to figure out cause of edema. Also trying to figure out cause of IBS (testing for celiac disease).

3. Second eye-stab is Monday. I'm dreading it. Gonna ask Doc for pain killer scrip.

I wish I could make everyones sorrows go away. Be good to yourselves.

1. I saw a elderly homeless woman washing her bare ass in the middle of 12th street on my way to the deli today. kind of put me of nudity for a while.

2. I occasionally get the urge to take a swing at my senior citizen bosses. is that so wrong?

3. i got drunk and played Journey in bar tonight just so i don't stop believing, and there's nothing wrong with that.