I think it's bedtime.

For you or your trousers?

It's not clear whether or not you still have wine on your trousers. That makes a big difference when interpreting their stare. And keep in mind that some trousers enjoy wine on them, but others don't.

This is all imaginary:

When I was in high school I ran track with a dolphin. Actually, he ran cross country; he was an exchange student from Vietnam. Yes, there was some lovemaking involved, but mostly I want to tell you about this one party we went to, in a field between the medical plan and the shopping mall.

Dipper Stetson (that's his real name, like in real life, really) was this nine-foot tall kid who ran cross country and turned out to be a championship knock euchre hand, won something like ten thousand dollars in a tournament on the fucking moon, didn't I say this is all imaginary?

So one night far in our cups Dipper says to the dolphin Than Le, "My uncle was in Vietnam, he had seat worms for three months, you people are bad!" And Le just flips twice and chirps half-heartedly, as though hoping against hope that Dipper would change his tune and like him despite the language and culture barrier.

So I call Le over to my side of the pool and I tell him what we say in this country when someone starts assaulting you at your very core, which Stetson had clearly done. "We say, 'Fuck you,' Le; we say 'Fuck. You.'"

So the next day in class, Dipper leans over and splashes Le, saying, "You people eat dog, don't you?" and Le says, in his really loud chirpy voice, "FUCK. YOU."

And damnit if Dipper doesn't say, "Well, Goddamn, Le, that was exactly the right thing to say to someone pushing you around; why, welcome to America," and he slaps Le on the back and hands him a beer on the sly, since Ms. Adams (another real name) was on the prowl as usual for any sign of illicit cetacean partying in third period algebra.

Later on, I watched Le drown Dipper to death in the shallow end of the pool, and while I admit I was turned on by the sex part, I hardly thought Stetson deserved his lot. It's a shame that something as thrilling as sex with a dolphin must be consummated in such an inhospitable human environment as water.

I guess it wasn't quite bedtime.

≡ Click to see image ≡

Damn it. I missed reading this before bed, and inadvertently doomed myself to a night of ordinary dreams.