The Not-pocalypse -a rant of porcine proportions or "Things I Wish I Could Say at Work But Can't"

Working in the lab the last few days, I feel like I have had ringside seats for the apocalypse.
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No no, it's not that the swine flu is that bad... because it ISN'T (no confirmed cases yet in our state and it turns out it isn't quite the mega nasty illness it could have been). It's watching people do one of 2 things that demonstrate how incredibly lame our species can be in a time of crisis that has me beating my head on my desk:

1. "OMG OMG OMG I have teh floo! Little Timmy MUST be tested no matter what! I don't care he's not sick! I pay my taxes! I AM ENTITLED!!!!!" Never mind the fact that we only have a limited supply of test kits that we SHOULD be saving for people who are actually exhibiting symptoms. Oh and let's not forget the fact that you are flooding the clinics and hospitals that, were this a real emergency, need to be focused on REAL patients. These are the same losers who demand antibiotics every time they get the sniffles. Thanks for the superbugs, asshole.

2. "Oh, fuck that. The flu isn't that bad. besides, they said it responds to the antiviral drugs! I don't need to wear a mask even though I have a wet hacking cough. Business as usual! If I get sick I will just eat some chicken soup and take the pills!" Gee thanks. of course, the other people you are spreading your germs to *might* be of a different opinion on that. You know, people with existing medical conditions, on chemotherapy, or just might be one of the one in 736,000 who actually DIES from it. Statistically small, but that is still one more dead person who didn't have to be thanks to your shitty attitude. Oh and those antivirals? Those are in limited supply too.

Jesus Christ on a crispy fucking cracker people! I will reiterate what I have been saying to patients all week: Wash your fucking hands once in a fucking while, especially if you come in contact with anyone or anything that might have been exposed to the virus (or any virus for that matter- DUH), cover your mouth when you cough, if you have a fever, cough, or sore throat see your doctor and get the test done. otherwise, don't fucking panic. Quite wasting resources and energy and go back to watching "Everybody Loves Raymond" reruns while eating your frozen chicken pot pie and ignoring your kids, you suburban waste of space*!

Your local medical staff are all overworked and overwhelmed at the moment, not because there is a REAL crisis, but because your greedy self-interest is creating one. we are more than happy to give you any and all information you need to stay healthy, but you might actually want to LISTEN to the answers for a change.

*not all suburbites, "Raymond" fans, or chicken pot pie eaters are wastes of space. People who ignore their kids are, however.