MetaChat - do you ever have dreams about someone not your SO?

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22 March 2009

do you ever have dreams about someone not your SO? do you tell your SO?→[More:]I don't think sexual/romantic dreams about someone else - especially if it's a movie star/random stranger - indicate any relationship issues, but my husband gets weirded out if I tell him I had a dream about someone else. He says he NEVER dreams about anyone but me. Uh huh. Am I the freak or is he?

post by: desjardins at: 18:25 | 29 comments

I dream about everyone, all the time. It's tiring work, being a solipsist.

posted by Eideteker 22 March | 18:29

He might be fibbing. As to me, it depends on the content of said dream whether I share it or not. I'm sure most folks have dreams of this nature-and I agree with you, doesn't indicate issues with your marriage.

posted by bunnyfire 22 March | 18:39

I don't generally dream about recognizable people. Or at least I don't remember a dream with a specific person in it. And I don't thing that Mrs. O and I have ever discussed our dreams.

posted by octothorpe 22 March | 18:56

I'm single but I came in to say that my dreams frequently involve entire casts of people (from very different times in my life). The most recent one had a coworker from 10 years ago who rarely spoke. And the funny thing is that I had never consciously thought about her (afaik).
If this happens early in the am (say around 5), I will half wake up and my semi-conscious self will tell my subconscious self to find out why such and such person is in my dream.
I also vividly remember most of my dreams after waking up, which I then analyze over coffee. My dreams involve complex plots with people from the present and past, sometimes with minor plot elements lifted from books/movies I read/saw eons ago. Celebrities rarely show up but when they do, they often have unexpected supporting roles.

The fact that your SO dreams only about you freaks me out, a little.

posted by special-k 22 March | 19:29

We can't control our dreams and they have no meaning (sorry). If your SO would prefer you keep them to yourself that is their prerogative. My wife says all of her sex-related dreams involve me even though I tell her it won't bother me if they don't. Mine, on the other hand--when I remember them which is rare-- seldom involve her... or anyone else I recognize. She doesn't hold that against me, and is glad that I share everything with her rather than lie or remain silent.

posted by terrapin 22 March | 19:49

Sharing some dreams would do nothing but trouble. I trust my judgment in that area.

posted by plinth 22 March | 19:51

Yes. No.

posted by danf 22 March | 20:04

ditto danf. Not that I think he would think it a big deal (as I would not if he told me) but why bother?

posted by gaspode 22 March | 20:06

I have had a few dreams with people I recognize. One was with a friend. One was with Nate Berkus. I think another involved Nick Nolte. I didn't tell my husband about the dreams Not because my husband is the jealous type or would give it more than a second's thought. I didn't share because I didn't see the point really.

My sister called me this morning and said she had a dream last night that she was dating Ricky Gervais, and that he was seriously into her, and they we getting married.

I asked my husband if he has romantic dreams about people he knows. Answer: No

I asked him if he has had romantic dreams about me. Answer: No

He says he never remembers his dreams.

I can't remember ever having a romantic dream about my husband. I do long for him in real life.

posted by LoriFLA 22 March | 20:07

Yes. No, unless it involves Bob Costas.

posted by rainbaby 22 March | 20:12

I don't have sexy dreams very often, but when I do it's usually about some I know or knew, and it's usually COMPLETELY random and weird. I.E., not somebody I'd choose to have that kind of dream about.

The hubby and I rarely discuss our dreams, but if we do, nobody makes a big deal about what the other dreams because we both know dreams are random and crazy and don't indicate anything.

posted by BoringPostcards 22 March | 20:36

I don't want to know the intimate details of his dreams - and I don't tell him mine - but I wouldn't take offense if he dreamed about Angelina Jolie or some woman he saw at Starbucks. I think he is just concerned he'll hurt my feelings. He's too nice sometimes but I'd rather have that than the guy who comments on every woman who passes by.

Anyway, I can tell YOU ALL that I had a dream that I was married to a cowboy. I lived in Montana for awhile so it's not totally fantastical, but I didn't recognize this guy from my past.

posted by desjardins 22 March | 20:36

I think more than half of my sexy dreams are about made-up people that don't exist, faces optional.
Many are about random people I've seen or thought about recently.
Hardly any are about the people I am actually dating.
The best is when you have one about the person you're dating and then you wake up next to them and can re-enact it! That's happened to me twice.

posted by rmless2 22 March | 20:40

Yes and sometimes. It usually depends on how odd the dream was or who had the starring role.

posted by deborah 22 March | 21:30

I had a dream the other night about jonmc, whom I've never met, and his bookstore, which I've never seen. The "store" strongly resembled one of the conference rooms in my office building, and he looked vaguely like the photograph of him posted in these pages. He was sitting in the conference room and there was a long line of homeless people out the door, bringing books, and my only thought was, hey, his store doesn't seem as big as he described it.

But yeah, I agree with plinth and others. Some dreams get shared, some don't, it depends on both of you, that's just the way it is. Some dreams just don't get shared with anyone, ever.

posted by Melismata 22 March | 21:49

Maybe.

posted by Brandon Blatcher 22 March | 21:52

You know that scene in Return of the Jedi, where Jabba the Hutt has Princess Leia in chains and a slave girl costume? That's so fucking HAWT, it's like Jabba is his prime, yaknowwhati'msayin'?

posted by Brandon Blatcher 22 March | 21:56

My dreams are always chock full of strangers, in places I've never been. Lately they've been more like watching movies then actual dreams, in that I'm not in them. How does that work?

posted by doctor_negative 22 March | 22:00

Ok, I've had that dream about the cowboy, too.

posted by BoringPostcards 22 March | 22:06

I had one terrible terrible horrifying sexy dream about two (!) coworkers. I would never tell the SO about something like that, and I wish I could just erase it from my memory.

posted by Twiggy 22 March | 22:08

I have sexy dreams about my partner sometimes, but more often about coworkers and casual acquaintances. I usually tell him, and he's usually fine with that even if they do make him raise an eyebrow. I frequently have sexy dreams about being with myself, which are very weird but he enjoys hearing about those.

posted by rhapsodie 22 March | 22:16

I wish I had an SO just so I could share my Bob Costas dream with someone.

posted by mullacc 22 March | 23:16

I seem to recall in an episode of Roseanne she got upset about it.

"I only dream about Dan. Of course, sometimes he looks a bit like Sean Connery... and he has the accent..."

posted by TheophileEscargot 23 March | 01:50

Sexy dreams usually don't mean "sex" either - One of my first dreams involving sex had me snogging my teacher that I really really hated - and I was only 12 or so. Couldn't shake that dream for weeks, not because it was that teacher but eeeew tongue! Gross!

I other words, don't worry about it. My SO has been in my dreams but not very often, and sexy dreams usually involve faceless strangers.

posted by dabitch 23 March | 04:07

Also, the rule is keep all sexy dreams to yourself.

posted by dabitch 23 March | 04:08

Chewbacca was hot too.

posted by Brandon Blatcher 23 March | 05:57

We need to stage a geek intervention for dear Brandon.

posted by desjardins 23 March | 08:59

doctor_negative - in most of my dreams I'm a participant and an observer.

posted by deborah 23 March | 11:50

Yes, and yes. I have had sexy dreams about him, about his brother (?!), about girls, about being a guy and hitting on girls, about random people; sometimes I'm not in the dream, etc.

And my dreams are like dabitch's, in that there's rarely "sex", it's just this overwrought attraction and kissing or almost kissing... that electric tension of early lust.

I tell him mostly so I can tease him because he never remembers his dreams.

posted by heatherann 24 March | 11:47

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