I'm glad you posted here so I can gripe about the person who said, "Uh, are you sure he's the father?" That really pissed me off.

Anyway, I'm stupid about babies. Wish I had some advice for you. Hope it gets better!

Oh, I see that comment's gone now. Yay! Carry on.

It's heartbreaking for a dad, I know. Evelyn, our second, seemed to pretty much hate me for the first 18 months of her life. That's maybe a little harsh, but...boy she didn't like me much. She really preferred her mom. All I could do was stick around, and keep taking it on the chin, and now...well we do get along nicely! She still does prefer her mom sometimes, but we have a great relationship. I think she was a good 18-24 months before I actually felt like she might actually, yes, LIKE me.

omg Perle was all momomoomomomomomom the first three months, no matter how lovydovy oh-i-adore-you-immensly her dad was. He did lots of diaper chores and they grew comfortable with each other and then much later she's all dadadadaddadadadadadadad. Skinned knee? DAAAAD! Can't sleep? DAAAD! ;-)

Not throwing the "diaper chores" in there to torture your dad but we went to change her together a lot at the beginning (and since we did cloth diapers, I really mean a lot) and he would smile and coo at her or do the diaper duty while I talked to her, and after a while either one of could take her and she began falling asleep in his arms and that sort of stuff. I did most of the bathing as I recall, I guess I thought it was my fun but he'd join in and wrap her in towels as he got her out of the bath. He would dress her in the mornings a lot, while I simply picked out clothes for her to wear. Having him assisting on these types of things helps them bond. Dressing a baby is tricky, that might be a good place to start?

But either way, they grow out of it in their own pace and she will love dad oh-so-much when she comes around. You'll see.

I think there's some excellent advice in that thread, especially the part about the three of you cuddling together. It's hard for the dad sometimes, I think, especially early on.

And yeah, your husband has got to get over the diaper thing. My hubby decided that since he couldn't breastfeed our son, that he'd take extra special care of the diaper area. Our kid gets more than his share of bad didie rashes and my hub, bless him, has always made it his mission to tenderly care for the baby's little butt. Nobody likes poo but you do get over the gagging and taking care of keeping it dry and clean becomes a way to express love for your child, weird as it might sound.

And just so you don't think that my husband is some kind of saint, there's this: He can't handle throw-up at all so I let him off the hook with that since that's thankfully a rare event.

Your husband just has to keep at it, caring for her, holding her tightly for as long as she'll let him, and the closeness will come. Good luck .. I know it's hard, the first several months. But then they get bigger and you miss that delicious new-babyness. That's why a lot of kids have brothers and sisters.

I second the 'maybe he's holding her funny' sort of thing. I know my friend asked me to hold her child (when she was wee-er) and I basically held her under the armpits because I wasn't sure what to do.

(My friend still makes fun of me for it to this day. Babies/children scare me.)

Yesyes on the cudding thing, me+dad+perle did the all three cuddle (shirtless) a lot. It really broke her dads heart when she was seemingly rejecting him. It's a phase. We had her sleeping in our bed too but since she's still doing that you might not want to go down that path. ;) [she can sleep alone and has, she just keeps returning to our bed and we don't put up much of a fight because she's cuddly... and then the cat perches on top of my hip and I sleep on five inches of the corner without a pillow and a tiny foot and leg over my shoulder, and a giant warm man foot and leg over my legs, and I am extremely uncomfortable and loving every minute of it.]

The dark male voice could also be a trigger - grandpa had no success with perle.He knows how to hold babies but for some reason he just freaked perle right out until she was around four months old. She would scream like a fireengine alarm as soon as he held her.

ARgh, feels like a pile-on, but it *is* a really good idea to have your husband take over diaper duty. Mr g. does diapers, dressing her in the mornings, and getting her ready for bed after her bath. I think it really bonded them well. (and she is now a total Daddy's girl. Her first proper smile was for him, and she lights up every time she sees him.)

Thanks guys. The diaper thing is a big issue in our home! I'll have him read both this thread and the askme.