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11 February 2009

Instructions for my father's funeral. On Monday, my father died. When my brother and sisters and I pulled his pre-need folder to make his funeral arrangements, we found (among the elaborate plans he'd laid out for us) these handwritten notes for how his services were to be conducted. He wrote these over 18 years ago. →[More:]I've had an overwhelming outpouring of grief from the MeFi MeCha MeWhatever community, so I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you all at once. This has been a tough week and you may be able to tell by his guestbook that he is being mourned worldwide. It's hard to be on the other side of the desk, but my father felt that every situation was a learning opportunity, so I'm trying to remember everything that I can.
post by: ColdChef at: 22:08 | 70 comments
CC, I have no doubt that you've handled yourself with grace and, that you've been a wonderful resource to others through this really tough time. Thanks for sharing your dad with us.
posted by richat 11 February | 22:14
This is the first I have heard of this...I am so sorry...big hugs sent to you and your family.

Your dad sounds like he was a totally awesome human being.
posted by bunnyfire 11 February | 22:23
Big big hugs. Hang in there.
posted by Stewriffic 11 February | 22:24
((((ColdChef)))) I'll keep your family in my thoughts. I can't imagine that dealing with grief professionally makes it any easier.
posted by muddgirl 11 February | 22:31
That letter from your dad brought tears to my eyes.

Thinking of you. *big hugs*
posted by jonathanstrange 11 February | 22:31
CC, I'm so sorry. Losing my Dad was easily the worst thing that I've been through. Your father sounds like a great guy.
posted by octothorpe 11 February | 22:32
OK, I just read his note. What an amazing man - his personality shows right through.
posted by muddgirl 11 February | 22:34
Your dad had to be a really special man to have raised a son like you. (((ColdChef)))
posted by deborah 11 February | 22:35
So sorry to hear of this. Your dad sounds like an amazing man, and I've been around here long enough to know he raised an amazing son.
posted by Twiggy 11 February | 22:40
My condolences. Wow, reading his letter....what an amazing man.
posted by meeshell 11 February | 22:40
Oh ColdChef, how hard. My sincerest condolences. Your father's note is an amazing statement.

I was able to love because you let me love!! Spread it daily. Never let a day go by that you don’t tell someone who needs it that you love them


Amen to that - thanks to the people who "let us" love them, for they give our lives all the meaning they hold. The mention of "the first day of the rest of your life" struck me oddly - I've had a turning-point sort of day, and had just, not 10 minutes before going online, responded to the question "What time is it?" with "the first hour of the rest of my life."

Thanks for sharing this. I'm so sorry for the loss and glad you have such a big family that is so comfortable expressing love and knows a little bit about enduring loss.
posted by Miko 11 February | 22:45
CC: sincere condolences, old friend. Your dad sounds like a great guy (and the fact that he's just under two years older than my dad is freaking me out a tiny bit) and as Twiggy said, he raised an astoundingly cool son.
posted by jonmc 11 February | 22:47
My condolences. Bear up; he sounds like a good man and so do you. Keep carrying it on, you'll pass it on. Love like he taught you. You know more of this than I do. About learning and remembering, too. Go hug his grandkids for him, and for you, too.
posted by Hugh Janus 11 February | 22:52
Ginormous hugs to you, Cold Chef.
posted by brina 11 February | 22:56
This may be the first time I have posted to MeCha. My condolences to you ColdChef. Based on his note alone, he sounds like a fantastic man, who understood more about life than the majority of us.
posted by aclevername 11 February | 22:59
Hugs to you, dear. We've been thinking of you.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero 11 February | 23:00
Take care CC. You've been in my thoughts all week.
posted by special-k 11 February | 23:21
I've been sending this picture and/or sentiment around to a lot of people today along with "You know my friend ColdChef, the one who called me on the phone to ask me if I'd read this month's Funeral Home Director Magazine and then proceeded to mail me a copy when I said I hadn't because it had an article by my local funeral home director? Yeah, that guy." Big hugs to you.
posted by jessamyn 11 February | 23:31
ColdChef, thank you for sharing at such a trying time. My thoughts will be with you and yours. Big hugs, indeed.
posted by Elsa 11 February | 23:34
I'm so sorry for your loss. ((((charlets))))
posted by loiseau 11 February | 23:38
Oh, I'm so sorry, CC. I missed that earlier. That was a beautiful letter.
posted by lysdexic 11 February | 23:44
Many condolences on your loss.
posted by gomichild 11 February | 23:45
You're in my thoughts. Thanks for sharing with us!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson 11 February | 23:54
My flowers from MetaFilter.

Thank you all for your kind words and for sharing in my grief.
posted by ColdChef 12 February | 00:18
I'm so sorry, ColdChef.
posted by jason's_planet 12 February | 00:27
Ah, CC, I'm sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds like a great bloke, who raised a wonderful family, and his letter is very moving. Many best wishes for you and your family.
posted by andraste 12 February | 00:39
My condolences, ColdChef.
posted by Ardiril 12 February | 00:49
My sympathy to you and your family and friends, and my thanks to you for sharing this glimpse of your father's spirit with us.
posted by notquitemaryann 12 February | 00:53
Condolences and hugs. It sounds like your father will be greatly missed.
posted by occhiblu 12 February | 00:59
So many hugs, and best to you, ColdChef, and your family. I am thinking every good thought I can in your direction. Please take good care of yourself.
posted by Sil 12 February | 01:12
Wow.

ColdChef, you've often posted a link to that New Yorker cartoon whose caption is something like, "Don't you know that I have millions of fans on the Internet?"

And I just want to say that yeah, you do. I've never met you, never met your dad, but this feels like a personal loss to me. That story about Nickyskye calling him, and him signing off with "I love you"...? One of the best things ever.

Y'all are a special breed, and I'm glad you're out there. I'm very, very sorry that your dad is gone. And I am also very, very happy that he was ever here to begin with.

All my best to you and your family. You carry that torch very well, mister. Very well indeed.
posted by mudpuppie 12 February | 01:18
My condolences to you and your family. Losing a loved one is hard, no matter how much exposure you have to the losses of others, it can't protect you from grieving.
posted by dg 12 February | 01:31
Oh ColdChef, this is the first I've heard of the news!

I am so sorry, so deeply and beyond words sorry. That little *zing* sound you just heard was my heart going out all the way from California to you -- with sorrow and sympathy and love.

Your father was an amazing man, and the earth was blessed to have him walk upon it. I know this because of the wonderful man he raised his son to be.

My deepest condolences and fondest wishes for the comfort of good memories to you and your family in your time of need, my friend.
posted by scody 12 February | 01:31
Blessings to you, ColdChef, and blessings to your family. What an amazingly sweet note. Like scody, my heart goes out to you.
posted by Specklet 12 February | 02:48
My condolences. You and your family are in my thoughts. Be strong.
posted by chillmost 12 February | 05:14
I'm so sorry, ColdChef, and I'm so glad that you have been so fortunate to have such a wonderful, loving father, and that he had such a wonderful and loving family. I'm hugging you from here.
posted by taz 12 February | 05:25
what an amazing note! His energy just leaps off the page.
you were lucky to have him, and we're lucky you're the result!

Hugs CC!
posted by Wilder 12 February | 06:05
You've been in my thoughts, CC. Your father was truly an amazing man.
posted by gaspode 12 February | 06:54
*hugs the everliving shit out of ColdChef*
I'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts, CC.
posted by romakimmy 12 February | 07:28
I love you ColdChef. Sitting on your porch with you was the highlight of my visit to the States, you were a wonderful host. Please pass on hugs to your wife and kids for me.

And thanks to your dad for reminding me, I will be putting in calls to my parents and Dilya to tell them I love them today.
posted by Meatbomb 12 February | 07:34
hugs to you and your family cc. Be comforted knowing your pops raised a good son.
posted by ramix 12 February | 07:46
*huggles* You're in my thoughts, CC.
posted by sperose 12 February | 07:47
Condolences to you, your family and extended family.
posted by mightshould 12 February | 07:51
I'm very sorry for your loss, CC.
posted by box 12 February | 07:52
So very sorry, cc. You're amazing.
posted by rainbaby 12 February | 08:42
ColdChef, I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing your father with us. He sounds like he was a very loving man with a great sense of humor.
posted by LoriFLA 12 February | 09:49
My condolences, ColdChef. That nickyskye story about your father still chokes me up - even more so now. Your father's letter is also beautiful. I am going to tell everyone I love them right now.
posted by misskaz 12 February | 09:59
You have my deepest sympathies. Your dad's note made me cry and made me think about what a blessing he must have been to all of you. Thank you for sharing your grief with us and thank you for letting us support you, as much as we can through the interwebs.

(((ColdChef and family)))
posted by Luminous Phenomena 12 February | 10:15
Man. Real inspiration over IP. Sorry, CC.
posted by danostuporstar 12 February | 10:27
ColdChef, how thoughtful of your dad to simultaneously love you, reassure you, and remove the anxiety that would come with not being sure about what arrangements he might have wanted. Amazing love. You and yours are in my thoughts.
posted by initapplette 12 February | 10:37
What everyone else said. Hugs to you and your family.
posted by mygothlaundry 12 February | 10:38
ColdChef, I'm so sorry for your loss. You were so kind to me when my Mom died; I know you learned well from your family. I'm quite certain your Dad was a special person. You were named for him, right?

Thank you for sharing his note with us. It really shows his heart, and it made me cry (thanks for that; I'm at work, pal). Please express my condolences to your family. Theora
posted by theora55 12 February | 10:45
Gosh. . unexpected, also. . .

I am so sorry. . .

((hug))
posted by danf 12 February | 10:47
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
posted by By the Grace of God 12 February | 11:30
My condolences, ColdChef. He sounds like a really good man.
posted by Atom Eyes 12 February | 11:36
I'm sorry to hear about your dad, ColdChef - but glad that he has left you with so many wonderful memories.
posted by altolinguistic 12 February | 11:46
Those notes are such a gift! Sorry for your loss, ColdChef.
posted by heatherann 12 February | 12:28
ColdChef, we don't know each other but I feel weird not saying anything because I've always enjoyed and appreciated your contributions to MeFi over the years.
My thoughts and sympathies are with you and your family.
posted by chococat 12 February | 12:55
((ColdChef)) Your father will always be present in the people he touched and the people that they touch.
posted by halonine 12 February | 13:01
Thanks for the suggestions you gave me regarding the scattering of my father's ashes. My thoughts are with you right now.
posted by Eideteker 12 February | 14:11
I don't think there'll be anyone who'd contradict me when I say that you are one of the most well-liked and respected members of the Meta/MeCha community. That you are such a good, kind and honourable man (see the Katrina threads on Meta, for just one example) is the best tribute you could ever pay to your dad.

Take care.
posted by essexjan 12 February | 14:48
I'm sorry, ColdChef. Speaking as one who lost mine in October, it gets easier & he is no less important. EJ is right - you are 1st class.
posted by chewatadistance 12 February | 15:28
V/r condolences and respects. "The best image of a good parent is their children".
posted by buzzman 12 February | 18:03
*hugs* Please know my thoughts are with you.
posted by brujita 12 February | 18:58
While I like a lot of MeFites for things they've said or snarked, I don't think I respect any of them as much as I respect you. You are a good man, CC. Truly, one of the finest I've met in any medium. And as it has been said that we so often become our fathers and mothers, I've no doubt that your father was just as incredible.

You're in my thoughts.
posted by grabbingsand 12 February | 21:43
So very sorry for your loss. Your father sounds like someone I would have loved to have known. Sympathies to all your family.
posted by arse_hat 12 February | 23:44
I keep opening and closing this thread.

It's a lucky thing to have a good man as a father. I am one of the lucky ones; you are too.

My own father also left instructions -- a binder of last wishes and directions. It was sooo thoughtful and comforting to my mother. I love him for leaving the binder.

I found that I was changed when my father died. (He wasn't too young like your father -- he was 76. He could have lived longer, though. My mother, from a long line of ancient old ladies, will live on and on. She misses him; we all miss him.)

Your father was a community leader (like mine). I'm not quite sure if you've already had the service. I remember the packed packed church, the people so many people so many. One after the other, hugging me, or touching my shoulder. It still feels like a dream. I haven't quite gotten over it, a few years later.

Oh, my, now I'm a bit teary. Well, my love and heart to you.
posted by Claudia_SF 13 February | 01:14
ColdChef, I'm so very sorry.

You've given so much comfort to strangers far away over the years (I know this because I've seen a fraction of it), not to mention to the people you know in real life (I'm pretty sure). I hope you feel some of that comfort/connectedness coming back to you now.

Claudia_SF said "It's a lucky thing to have a good man as a father." Yes.
posted by LobsterMitten 13 February | 17:53
The funeral, from the perspective of one of his Scouts.
posted by ColdChef 14 February | 23:29
Ah, ColdChef - take care of you.
posted by goo 14 February | 23:33
← Holy crap, today was weird... || Tomorrow is a very special birthday (at least to me) →

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