This one pretty much sums it up:

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I'm still looking for "terrifying."

I'm still looking for "terrifying."
Why, hello there.

*screams and runs away*

Oh dear.

"It's my turn to be Jabba. You were Jabba last week."

Oh jeez. Some yummy, some barfy.

"Hey gang, me and Slaveleia Pam and Slaveleia Krystal are going down to the Slaveleia Orange Julius later! Anyone interested?"

Miko made me laugh!

Pfft. You can be Jabba all you want, as long as I get to be Salacious Crumb.

Once upon a time, I went to a nerd high school. All things considered, my class trended slightly cooler than the grade above us (there was only one; it was a new school) or any of the grades below us. In fact, most of my class was too cool for our school dances. We had several a year, and I made it a point to go to every one of them. So it was that several of the underclassmen started looking up to me (all the more funny, since I'd skipped a grade and therefore was the same age as a few of them).

Now this one dance, one of the Korean kids at our school brought along some of his friends. There was a huge Korean rave culture at the time, and all these kids were insane dancers from dancing every single weekend. So we'd get the big circle going, and these guys would fly into the middle with all these really polished moves, with kicks and flips and all that. This had the side effect of making the somewhat nebbish underclassmen both really intimidated and really outclassed.

Because ours was a really small school, our dances were basically "open." That is, friends of students were okay, as long as they were there with a student. This is how the rave kids got in. So it was a good opportunity to meet folks who didn't go to the school, because our school took kids from all over the county, who would then invite their local friends from middle school and whatnot to our dances. So it was that this cute girl and her friend were at the dance, and had been basically abandoned by whichever student was their friend. Since the underclassmen looked up to me, I took it as my mission to break them out of their shells a bit, esp. re: girls. So I pulled them aside, and started teaching them some basic but flashy moves to pull in the big circle. So when the floor cleared for a second, I'd point at one of them across the circle (as planned), and we'd both do this kind of pinwheeling bodyspin move that looked really cool when we passed each other, esp. with the strobe going. Simple stuff like that. Then I'd get out there and bust some of my moves, trying to represent for my school. This got the attention of the cute chick.

So when the next slow song came on, I grabbed my pinwheel buddy and basically pushed him up to the pair. We asked them if they'd like to dance and I think the girl understood my plan for my friend and hers. Friend was not unattractive but was shy like my proteges. So we paired them off and went dancing ourselves so that they'd be forced if nothing else to talk to each other if they didn't dance. But dance they did. I knew nothing about this girl (not even who she'd come with) and I'm not much for small talk. So she started off. "I saw you dancing out there. Did you come here with those rave kids?" My tiny and fragile ego probably sparkled a little bit. "I'm not that good." We chitchatted a bit, mostly about how glad we were to see our friends forced to socialize. All in all, for some random hot chick dancing with some stinky, sweaty guy, we got along ok (and again, I'm not much for small talk myself; the dances were as much a chance for me to come out of my shell as the underclassmen). And as you do, in a loud dance, you have to lean in close to talk. To my friends on the sidelines, this looked like so much more. And so it was that after the dance, while waiting for parents to pick us up and such, I asked my chum how things had gone with his new lady friend. He got all bashful and then one of his friends spoke up. "How about you? You looked like you were getting pretty chummy with that babe." Feeling pretty well chuffed from my successes, I was really cavalier in my response. "Eh, not bad. She was actually pretty freaky. While we were dancing, she kept whispering stuff in my ear. So of course, I escalated. But she actually impressed me with how nerdy she was more than anything. I would not have expected it." Silence. Awe. Rapt attention. "She was talking all this freaky shit, like how she'd like to be my Leia, dressed up in the brass bikini and everything." They were hanging on my every word so sincerely that I just lost it. I may have been King Nerd right then and there, but I was still a nerd. I just bust out laughing. "Nah, man. We just danced. She was very sweet, but honestly I was more concerned with my wingman getting his swerve on. So if you didn't get her number after all that..." and I made like I was going to give him a deadarm. I think he actually got her e-mail or something (which was still somewhat rare in those days) so it was not all for naught.

I still gave them shit on occasion for believing the bit about the brass bikini. Nerds!